


Commitments of the Heart

by kauliberry



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: A Wild Plot Appears, A lot fluffier than I intended, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Kimi no Na wa. | Your Name., Iron-dad vibes, Jake Lockley - Freeform, Jealous Loki (Marvel), Memory Loss, My writing gets better as it progresses, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective Loki (Marvel), Reader Needs a Hug, References to Norse Religion & Lore, Reincarnation, Smut, Soft Loki, all aboard the pain train, plot heavy, undead army
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:06:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 64,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25810303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kauliberry/pseuds/kauliberry
Summary: "Your dreams are always the same. The same black hair and ocean eyes and the pain of loss that follows.After so many years of searching for those ocean eyes that haunt your dreams, you've given up looking for them. That still doesn't stop your mind from thinking of them. You know they're just dreams and dreams eventually fade away when you wake up."Setting: Post-Ragnorak, Pre-Infinity WarAfter being recruited by Sam Wilson to the Avengers team, you live in the compound with your fellow teammates. You suffer from dreams that you can never remember but when the Asgardian gang shows up at the compound in search of a new home, things begin to change. What happens when a blithe threatens to wipe out their new home in Norway?
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Loki/Reader, Loki/female original character, Sam Wilson & Reader
Comments: 31
Kudos: 193





	1. I: Ink and the Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!! omg im so excited to share this story with you. some notes before we dive into this adventure.
> 
> It's gonna hurt. im so sorry but i really wanna make y'all cry :)
> 
> I havent written a fan fic since i was 12. i am not an english major (i do hair and makeup so pls spare me) This is just me getting inspired and deciding to finally put my money where my mouth is.
> 
> If you haven't watched the movie "your name" I HIGHLY recommend it. I will be quoting the movie a lot. Literally everything about that movie is chef's kisses.
> 
> If you don't follow me on tik tok....you totaLly should. same username: kauliberry. I'll be posting edits and chapter sneak peeks that will follow along with this fic!
> 
> also you should totally download the chrome extension: InteractiveFics (it allows you to change things like Y/N to your actual name and etc)
> 
> Shout out to my beta readers :Trevor, Kate and Katherine (krod934 on tik tok)!

**_“Once in a while, when I wake up, I find myself crying.” - Mitsuha Miyamizu, “your name.”_ **

Eyes like the sea and hair like silky ink spill in tendrils down a pale face that you can never recognize. 

That's what you try to remember when you wake up. Instead, you feel a void in your heart, and your cheeks are always wet. You feel the pain in your lungs as you try to breathe but can never catch your breath. 

Your dreams are always the same—the same black hair and ocean eyes and the pain of loss that follows.

After so many years of searching for those ocean eyes that haunt your dreams, you’ve given up looking for them. That still doesn’t stop your mind from thinking of them. You know they’re just dreams and dreams eventually fade away when you wake up.

Yours always do when you wake up. You can never remember the content—only the eyes and the heartache that follows.

Your sweaty body clings to the soft black sheets of your queen-sized bed. You must’ve thrown your sheets off the bed at some point in your restless sleep. Your mattress looks like a tornado came through and tangled your limbs into the silky sheets. Glancing over at the digital clock on your bedside table, you make out the time. It’s a little after 4 am.

Trying to go back to sleep will only prove futile, so you crawl out of bed and decide the long run will clear your head; it usually does. Carrying yourself over to your private bathroom, your feet graze the plush carpet beneath you before they reach the cool marble tiles of your bathroom floor. You get for the light switch and make your way to the sink.

After splashing cool water on your face to rid yourself of the sweat that has begun to dry on your cheeks and forehead, you look into the mirror. Dark circles under your (y/ec) eyes stare back at you in the mirror. Your mind wanders around to those blue-green ones. You close your eyes and grip your hands on the sink trying to ground yourself. 

_ Inhale.  _

_ Exhale.  _

_ Inhale.  _

_ Exhale.  _

Your bare feet touch the soft carpet of your room. After living in the compound for a year, your room has acquired knick-knacks from your missions as an Avenger and your time before. Photos line your walls and furniture tops.

Making your way to the obsidian stained dresser on the far side of your room, you look at the picture of Sam, Riley, and yourself. The image is a bittersweet reminder of your time in the Air Force as a pararescuer before Sam left and before Riley’s passing. You seemed so happy and content. The dreams didn’t plague you as much then, but over the last few months, they’ve gotten worse.

_ How can one feel heartbroken over the eyes they’ve never seen? How can you feel such loss when you don’t even know why? _

Shaking yourself from your thoughts, you pull open your bottom drawer of the dresser and take out your black leggings and dark forest green sports bra. You always felt better when you wore green. You slowly remove your nightshirt and underwear that cling to your body pulling on the new ensemble.

Making your way to your closet, where your collection of shoes are on display, you pass your bedside table where a goofy selfie of Wanda and you lie in a silver frame. It was taken after you convinced Vision to let you perform a karaoke night with the team. Raking your eyes over your various running shoes, you finally settle on your favorite pair—the green ones. Sam always said you owned too many shoes, but Wanda never seemed to care. Especially since she found out, you wore the same size. 

You slip on your shoes and make your way to the door grabbing your earbuds and phone on the way. 

Once out the door, you make your way to the stairs down the hall. The lights in the modern-looking hallways are dim since early, and most of the team is still asleep. You prefer taking the stairs since you live on the second floor with the others. You make your way to the backdoors once down the stairs while shuffling through your running playlist. 

The cool night air and quiet of upstate New York hit your face as you reach the outside. You spot Steve stretching a few feet from you.

Looking at the time on your phone, you noticed it is 5am. It's strange seeing the Captain out this early. He likes early morning runs, but unlike you, he opts for the sunrise. You prefer the night time during your long runs. Even though you have a slight fear of the dark, the stars that scatter the night sky always calms you and the quiet sounds of the night clear your mind. 

Sky blue eyes found yours, but they weren’t the blue ones you were once searching for. 

“Y/N, you’re up early.” 

You respond with a nod and a small smile, beginning a few leg stretches of your own. 

“Wanna join me?” Steve asks.

“Thanks, Captain, but I need the alone time.” 

“Yeah, well, good to see we both have the same idea to get our run in early. Especially since Thor is coming in today….supposedly he’s bringing his brother too.” 

You look at the captain with a puzzled look. You hadn’t heard anything about Thor bringing his brother. From what you remember, his brother was still a terrorist. You decide to go for nonchalance. 

“Um, yeah. That's why I'm out here too! Anyways… I’m gonna get going. I’ll see you later, Captain.” 

You begin jogging off toward the hiking trails of the forest that surrounded the compound. Your favorite course will do for this early morning run. The one that overlooks the small body of water on the backside.

The blond-haired soldier calls after you. “Steve! You can call me Steve. You don’t need to be so formal! You’ve been with the team long enough.” 

Throwing Steve a smile from behind your shoulder, you pick up your pace and hit pause on your music. You have never really liked listening to music as you run. You just leave the earbuds in such others will not bother you during your runs. You want to hear the noises of nature to calm your anxieties. 

**\------**

Ten miles later, you find yourself back at the back door that leads to the compound’s stairs. The sun is rising by now, and the sky is a beautiful hue of pink and orange. You breathe in one last breath of fresh air before opening the door and making your way to the second floor.

The lights are on now, and you can clearly see the modern aesthetic of the decor. Silver and clear decadence line the walls of the hallway before you reach the shared kitchen. 

Spotting Sam on the barstool, you smile as you reach for a glass in the cabinet and begin pouring cold water into it. Sam beams at you from his perch at the breakfast bar. 

“Morning, Starshine!!....God, you look awful!” 

Rolling your eyes, you exhale audibly. You turn around to lean your hips on the granite counter, so you could face him. “Thanks for the confidence boost. Didn’t see you with Steve this morning. Are you not running anymore?” 

“Still running. Just not before the sun is up.”

Sam's eyes rake over your sweaty form with concern. He always knows how to read you. He is the only one who knew about the dreams. Even after your run, you still thought about the eyes. How they showed so many emotions. The most common one was a loss. You become so lost in your thoughts you aren’t paying attention to Sam drowning on. 

“Yo! Starshine!? Come back to me!”

The view of fingers waving in your face brings you out of your thoughts. 

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

Sam stares at you, puzzled for a brief moment before concern washes over his features. “It’s happening again, isn’t it? The dreams?”

“Sam, I don’t really want to talk about it right now. We don't have time to dissect them, not with Thor and the other Asgardians coming today. Besides, there’s no point. They’re just dreams. They’ll fade away eventually… they always do.” 

Sam sighs, covering his face with his hand. “Alright, but we  _ are _ going to talk about it. You promised me that you would tell me if it started again.” 

Loudly exhaling, you slouch slightly, already feeling the exhaust from your run. You look up at Sam. Brown eyes filled with warmth and concern meet yours. 

“Okay, fine. Only after we get the Asgardians settled!” 

Sam smiles. “Okay, go shower, stinky. Thor and the others should be here soon.” 

Feigning offense, you dramatically huff, “What happened to Starshine!?” 

Sam rolls his eyes and chuckles at your antics as you stroll out of the kitchen and down the hall to your room. You feel slightly better after talking to Sam, but something about the day that lays before you is wrecking you with anxiety. You hope a nice bath will help calm you. 


	2. II: Ocean Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and the surviving Asgardians arrive at the compound.

**_“The dream I must’ve had I can never recall, but the sensation that I’ve lost something lingers for a long time after I wake up.” - Mitsuha, “your name.”_ **

_ Green blurs of a forest surround you. In a flash, you feel a presence behind you. Your only thought is to run. As your legs lengthen in stride and your knees pick up height, you turn back, but nothing is there. You can’t see anything chasing you, but you know you need to keep moving. You have to get to him. You have to save him.  _

_ All of a sudden, you lose your balance and are falling. But you don’t stop; you just feel like the ground will never come as the air is knocked from your lungs over and over again. Then you hit the ground, but it isn’t the ground. It’s arms--alabaster arms encircle you. They are jostling you around like a rag doll. You try to focus your vision on your surroundings, it seems to be a cave of sorts, but everything around you is shaking.  _

_ Finally, you find sea-foam colored eyes. They seem to be searching for something. Your vision begins to blur again, and the last thing you hear seems like it’s from miles away, a barely audible whisper... _

_ “I’m sorry, my love. I failed you.”  _

You awake still in the bathtub, your head slightly above the clear water of the obsidian tub. The overwhelming feeling of grief and loss storms your mind. Your heart is breaking, and you have no idea why. You feel the coolness of the water that encapsulates your body. You hear the soft hum of the air conditioner. You slowly open your eyes and stare at the plain white ceiling decorated with cool bright spotlights. Letting out a breath you were holding and slowly taking another one in. You bring your mind back to the present. You’re in New York. You’re surrounded by people you trust and who would never hurt you. You’re safe.

Once easing the rising panic attack, you quietly finish your bath, rinsing your body off and standing to get out of the tub. All the while, your heart feels like it’s beating out of your chest. Your heart beats so loud it’s deafening.

Climbing out of the tub and pulling the drain plug, you stare at the water as it drains. You recall the voice. It’s so familiar yet, you’ve never heard it before. Its eloquent, heart-wrenching sobs overwhelm your senses. 

_ I failed you,  _ the voice echoes in your mind. It must belong to those ocean eyes you always dream of. Your dreams were usually plagued by silence. No matter how hard you tried to scream, words could never escape. This time you heard it through...and you could remember it.

Bringing yourself back to reality, you grab your towel drying off your body. You reach for your olive green silk robe and wrap your hair in a towel, walking out of the private bathroom into your bedroom. 

Glancing at the clock, you calculate that it’s just enough time to get ready before the Asgardians arrive. 

Making your way to the full-length mirror that lays on the closet door, you catch your face in the mirror. Your cheeks are dewy from your bath, and your eyes have more life to them than the first time you saw them this morning.

You pull out your army green jumpsuit and begin dressing. Your jumpsuit resembles that of the Widow’s. Pulling on your boots, you check your ensemble in the mirror. Satisfied with your look, you stroll over to your vanity and start pulling out your makeup.

Opting for a soft glam look to cheer you up, you take your time with your makeup, making sure nothing is out of place. Putting effort into your appearance always calms your nerves. Maintaining control in your life is one of your highest priorities. 

Once your makeup is perfect, you put your hair in two braids and tie them together in the back with a green ribbon to match your jumpsuit. You hear a knock on your door and hear FRIDAY announce someone’s arrival.

“Starshine, Scarlet Witch is requesting access to your quarters. Shall I let her enter?”

“Yes, let her enter.”

Wanda is barely through the door before she speaks. “Thor and the others are entering the atmosphere. Steve has called for a debriefing to go over a plan for the surviving Asgardians after we take a census.”

“Does that debriefing include any updates on Loki? You know… the terrorist that destroyed New York City and wreaked havoc a few years ago?”

“I’m sure Thor will have an explanation. I haven’t personally met the trickster, but it should be an entertaining affair, to say the least.”

“Entertaining?”

Wanda shrugs before she speaks again. “Maybe we should grab some popcorn for the debrief?”

Giggling through your response, “you know I am a sucker for white cheddar.”

Wanda smiles with you before asking, “are you ready to go?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go.”

You follow Wanda down the hall, her auburn hair bouncing as she walks. You reach the elevator that leads to the lobby, where you’ll be assessing and overlooking the Asgardians.

Once to the main floor, the doors open, and you spot Sam. The lobby of the compound is vast and empty. Like all of Stark’s decor, it is draped in silver and windows that start at the floor and reach all the way to the ceiling. Natural sunlight fills the room.

“Where’s your wings, soldier?”

Sam turns to face you. “They’re survivors--not threats. I assume I’ll be organizing some form of support groups according to the brief description of what they endured. I see you opted for your more casual uniform?”

“Well, I don’t exactly support the company Thor keeps. Being the god of lies doesn’t exactly make me jump at the chance to start a friendship. I’m prepared to do what I must.”

“Thor said he was essential in saving the others. Maybe there is some morality left in him.”

Steve interrupted the conversation before you could reply. “They’re here. Y/N, will you assist me outside to direct them where to go?”

Shaking off your nerves the best you can, you mask them with a wide forced grin. “Aye aye, Captain!” Saluting the super-soldier, you hear Sam giggle again at your antics. 

You follow Steve outside as the spaceship begins to land. You’ve gotten quite decent at hiding your nerves from others, but that doesn’t stop your heart from beating out of your chest. 

Once the doors to the ship open, you find Thor. He’s sporting quite the look with a cropped haircut and blood covering his face. His eye seems to be missing as well.  _ It must be a hell of a story. You’ll have to ask him after the debriefing.  _ His right is flanked by a girl with white war paint on her features and a stoic expression that some may call a resting bitch face. You recognize the look as a force of habit in yourself.

Your eyes are searching for the raven hair brother as you begin directing the survivors into the compound. You are prepared for any tricks he may throw at you and your team. They may be putting a lot of trust into the god of mischief, but you still have your reservations. You’ve read his file, and you know everything you need to know about him.

You notice Thor approaching Steve before his eyes find yours, and you swear you hear him gasp as he looks at you.  _ Weird _ . You’ve never met the god of thunder, but you’ve read his files extensively in preparation for his arrival. You notice throughout their conversation his gaze frequently flicks over to you.

After the last few survivors have made their way into the compound, you still haven’t seen the trickster, and you begin doubting that this isn’t a colossal trick. 

When you turn back around to start making your way to Thor and Steve, you notice Thor look at you again with a puzzled face.  _ Why does he keep doing that?  _ He obviously doesn’t know who you are or why you’re with the team. As you prepare yourself for an introduction, you spot the raven-haired god speaking to a beautiful dark-skinned man. 

He’s in a heated discussion before he turns his gaze to his brother, and in turn, to you. Thor stops to watch the exchange that is about to happen like he knows some big secret that no one else is privy to.

That’s when you see them: ocean eyes and hair like ink around a pale face. The ocean eyes catch yours, and in what seems like slow motion, the world stops. Your senses go mute. You feel your heart beating. Your vision is blurred around the edges, focusing on the sea-foam colored eyes that look at you with the same emotions from your dreams.

When your senses return, you see Loki striding towards you quickly, and your instincts tell you to run, but your body won’t listen. You’re frozen in place; your body refuses to move. Your gaze never leaves the ocean eyes that don’t look away from yours.

Loki is standing inches from you, and you expect his touch to hurt, but instead, his touch is gentle. His palm makes contact with your cheek, and he whispers. “Sigyn.” Ocean eyes stare into yours, and for a moment, you forget to breathe.

Detached memories of a life that isn’t your own begin flashing before your eyes. The scenes fill your heart with love and affection, and then all of a sudden, despair. Your mind can’t quite catch up to the feelings before you're halted back to reality.

All of a sudden, you’re filled with rage. Instinct takes over your body, and you seize Loki’s arm and spin him around until your knee is pinned to his back. He buckles to the ground. You hold his arm in a way that renders it immobile behind his back. 

“What tricks are you playing, God of Lies?” Your voice drips with venom.

Chaos breaks around you as Thor and the others quickly approach, but your focus is locked on the trickster god that lies immobile at your mercy. Your emotions are like a rollercoaster derailed. Your brain is running a million miles a minute. You focus on the one you feel the strongest: anger. 

_ Loki, the face you now recognize from your dreams. He’s been known to manipulate people’s minds. He’s the one behind your nightmares. What? Did he take a glance at the new roster and decide to toy with you? No. That can’t be it. You’ve had these dreams for as long as you can remember. You spent years in foster homes screaming in the dead of night. Before you were even in the USAF. So, why you? What interest did he have in plaguing a mortal’s dreams with nightmares?  _

The next moment, your body is no longer in control, and a red mist has swarmed around you. The raven-haired god lies in a heap on the ground staring at you in disbelief and puzzlement. No fog surrounds him. You are rendered immobile as your team betrays your trust at that moment, and they have taken  _ his  _ side. Blackness clouds your vision, and you find yourself knocked unconscious in a dreamless state.


	3. III: Breakdown

**_“I feel like I’m always searching for someone, or something.” – Taki Tachibana, “your name.”_ **

Loki’s vision is blurry with tears as he watches your limp, unconscious body covered in a red mist. He barely makes out the figure of a man running to you before he watches the Red Witch drop your hands and allow your form to be cradled by another man. The man stares at Loki in anger before the righteous Captain intervenes. “Sam, take Y/N to her room, please.”

The soldier turns his gaze to Loki in anger before a flash of two bodies collides in an embrace. The Hulk must’ve returned to his weaker form. 

Loki is oblivious to the exchange happening behind him. His head is reeling with emotions as he watches the man walk away with your head cradled to his chest. 

Steve’s voice pierces Loki’s ears. “Anyone care to explain why Y/N felt the need to attack Loki?”

Loki’s stoic expression and the mischievous smile returns to his face. A fit of laughter takes over his body.  _ Really? After everything that has happened, this is what breaks my collected demure? The universe truly has it out for me. _

“Brother, what are you-? Why are you laughing?”

Loki stands and recollects his composure. “Really, Thor?! You saw her yourself. You would think by now that just one plan would come to fruition without any hindrances?” His voice raises in agitation, “but no, no! Why would anything ever go my way?!”

Wanda interjects before Loki can continue, “Y/N is _not_ a hindrance, and whatever lies you’ve been filling her head with stops _now_.”

Loki sneers at the witch and snarls, “tell me, Witch. Have you peered into her mind? Have you seen her soul as I have?”

Thor cuts Loki off before more venom can drip from the trickster’s lips. “Brother! That is enough. The lady may look like her, but she is obviously not; let it go. We have more important matters to attend.” 

The exchange startles the surrounding heroes. But Loki is never one to open up too much. Especially after the shame of his vulnerable moment takes over him. He strides off into the compound, away from prying eyes. He feels the need to clear his head of whatever just occurred. 

Thor stares at his brother in shock. Loki thinks  _ truly, the oaf should know better by now. _

The Captain makes a motion to the compound for the others to follow. “I will contact T’challa in Wakanda; they took Buck in. They might have some spare room for the survivors.”

Natasha responds, “No need. I’ve already been in touch with my contacts in Norway. There is a small village that has offered to take in the Asgardian survivors.”

Steve nods at Natasha and throws a smile at Bruce. “Good to have you back, Banner. Let’s continue this in the conference room.”

As the team makes their way through the compound to the conference room, Loki is nowhere to be found.  Brunnhilde speaks to Thor. “You should call for your brother. Although I hate to admit it, your people need him too.” Thor nods to her and looks to the captain.

“FRIDAY, please locate Loki and tell him to meet in Conference Room A. You can direct him to us.”

“Right away, sir. Should I let Falcon know where you are as well?” 

“That is fine, but tell him to stay with Starshine until she wakes. Don’t let Loki near her without either Sam’s or my permission.”

“Of course. Reindeer Games is approaching now.”

“Let him in.”

Loki strides into the room with a stoic demeanor. Sparing a glance at his brother. “Shall we begin?”

Thor begins to recount the events that led up to Ragnorak and his sinister sister, Hela—embellishing upon Loki’s acts to raise Surtur and destroy their home, including the destruction of the tesseract. Loki feels a tinge of guilt at the mention of the last part.

“So how did you become so worthy, but two of your siblings are… well, that?” The soldier gestures at Loki.

Loki interjects, “Odin’s bad parenting.”

The Valkyrie chuckles at Loki’s comment. 

Natasha interrupts the exchange. “Fury will want to keep tabs on Loki. It may be best for him to stay behind, here at the compound.”

“Ah, yes, another prison for me. What will it be this time? Another muzzle? Maybe a glass box fit for a zoo animal? You already know that if I wish to leave, I can.” He peers at the female assassin. 

“If it were up to me, Loki. You wouldn’t be anywhere near this planet. But you’re here, and if any word of what your brother has told is to be true, you may be of use to us. Start righting some of your other wrongdoings.”

“Says the woman with just as much red on her ledger. How many wrongs have you had to fix? Or is there too many to count?”

“Brother, enough. Don’t make me regret defending you. This is your home now, just as it is ours. Please, try to be at least civil.”

“I would say I am doing quite well,” Loki makes a gesture with his hands, “considering I haven’t stabbed anyone or even drawn my daggers.”

The auburn-haired witch finally speaks up. “What of Y/N? Loki obviously holds some power over her. Shouldn’t she be in here to discuss this?”

Loki’s eyes sparkle at the mention of you.  _ Truly, fascinating. Yet, the witch is wrong. I hold no power over her. It is her that has the power over me. _ He won’t share this information with them. Not until he knows for sure it’s her…the one he’s always searching for.

His brother’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts. “Heimdall may provide some answers for the girl. He can see things others cannot.”

Wanda’s voice is full of concern. “Are we just supposed to trust Loki around her? Steve, please tell me you see the issue here?”

The good captain looks at the witch blankly, “Actually, I see the issue, but I don’t understand  _ why _ there is an issue. Loki? You want to tell us what happened there?”

Loki doesn’t bother turning his eyes to the captain as he speaks. “No. I do not.” 

Thor begins speaking, “she merely looks like-”

“Enough. You said it yourself; it’s not her. So, why bother?” Loki interrupts.

Thor looks at his brother with confusion.

Loki is almost assured it’s her. He felt it when his palm touched her soft cheek. He saw it in her eyes, the way they expressed so many emotions at once. 

“I will not bring her any pain or harm. I won’t seek her out either if that is what you wish.” 

Loki smiles to himself, thinking of you once more.  _ That doesn’t mean she won’t come to me first.  _ He feels it. He knows that she will. Loki is  _ never _ wrong.

The captain asks, “the god of lies’ word isn’t much but can we at least have it? You’ll steer clear of Y/N?” 

Loki smirks. “Cross my heart.”  _ Oh, but this girl already has my heart.  _

Thor brings everyone’s attention back to the topic of the people wondering about the lobby of the compound. “Heimdall, Brunnhilde, and I will oversee the transfer of the survivors and their acclimation onto Earth. Loki will stay here and be our counterpoint for anything you need to relay to us.”

The captain responds, “it’s settled then. Nat, will you contact your people in Norway and let them know the people will be arriving by the end of the week?” The assassin nods and begins to stand as she walks out of the conference room. 

Banner stands to follow her, timidly speaking. “Um, I’m gonna go with her if that’s cool?”

The witch stood to follow Banner, “I’m going to fill Sam in on what was discussed. I’ll check in with Y/N as well.”

The witch’s possessiveness over you made Loki agitated especially, that she trusted Sam to watch over the girl.

As more people begin to leave the conference room, Loki stands to make his way out of the room as well, only to be stopped by Thor.

“A word in private, brother?” His thunderous voice echos the room.

“If you insist.” Loki sits back down in his seat. 

“Tell me, is it her?”

The dark-haired brother shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play games with me, Loki. Tell me, do you think she is a mere doppelganger, or do you think it’s her?” 

“Just because we’ve shared a few moments of brotherly love does not mean I am going to open up to you. Don’t go meddling, brother.”  As the statement dripped from Loki’s lips, he stands and walks out of the conference room past his oaf for a brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will continue with quick daily updates, but at the end of this week it will have to be maybe once or twice a week. I am currently on vacation which is why I have been able to write so much! Until then enjoy and let me know your thoughts <3


	4. IV: Pep Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You fight, and then get a pep talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BONUS CHAPTER BECAUSE IM WRITING REALLY FAST AND I WANNA SPOIL Y'ALL

You wake up in your bed; the evening sun is setting through your windows. Finding yourself disoriented only for a moment, your memories flood back to you. You had finally found them. The ocean eyes you had given up searching for. They belonged to  _ him. _

You pull yourself up, so your back rests against the pillows resting on your headboard. 

“FRIDAY, where is everyone?”

“Falcon is outside your door, and Scarlet Witch is on her way to your room. Should I let them know you are awake?”

“That is fine.”

Your door opens, and Sam and Wanda are already outside it, walking inside to your bedside. Sam sits in the chair in front of your vanity mirror, and Wanda considerately sits at the foot of your bed. You notice the distance they are trying to maintain. 

“I know.”

You look up at the redhead in confusion.  _ She knows? How does she…. _ Realization dawns on you: _ Oh, her powers. _

“I didn’t mean to invade your privacy like that, but when I needed to restrain you, I saw it. Just flashes, but enough to know what keeps you awake at night.” There is no malice or threat to her voice. Her words are meant to be gentle and reassuring. Sam quietly watches as Wanda extends her hand and interlaces your fingers with hers. 

“When you’re ready to talk about it more, we will be here for you.” Sam’s words are directed at you. You nod at Sam in mutual understanding.

“Why did you knock me out? Not him?” your words are now directed at Wanda.

“Starshine, as much as I distrust Loki. He would have escaped your hold if he wanted to.”

Sam chimes in, “We won’t let him hurt you. He has promised not to seek you out or cause you harm during his stay here.”

You became angry at his words. They chose for you. They took away your control over the situation. You understand that they just want to protect you, but it should be your decision.

Pulling your hand away from Wanda, you speak your irritation. “He’s staying? Why can’t he go with the rest of his people? Why didn’t I have a say in this matter? It’s my life and my wellbeing.” The coolness in your voice makes Wanda flinch.

“Look, we will give you a debriefing when your emotions have calmed down more-”

“Calm? I finally found the person who has given me years of nightmares, and you want me to be calm? You want me to just open my arms to… a monster? Say, ‘Welcome to the family, I know you tried conquering the Earth and everything, but hey, you wanna join the team? OH, don’t mind Starshine, you’ve only been plaguing her dreams with nightmares for the last five years and dreams her whole life!’” This whole conversation is causing you even more irritation. 

“Five years?” Wanda spoke

“What are you-?  _ That  _ is your takeaway from what I just said?!”

Sam interjected, “2012.”

“Yes, five years ago. So, 2012.” You kept your response clipped.

Sam and Wanda stare at each other in mutual understanding. “That’s when Loki attacked Earth.”

“Did you ever dream of him before then?” Wanda spoke quietly.

“He’s been plaguing my dreams my whole life, I’ve already said that. Ask him yourself since you’re chummy with him now.”

“That’s not what we mean, Y/N. We know you want answers. We are just trying to-”

“What I want right now is for you both to leave.”

Wanda and Sam look at you before nodding and getting up to leave your room. Once the door closes, you’re once again met with silence. Sighing, you swing your legs over the edge and decide to venture to the rooftop of the compound so you can watch the sunset.

You make your way to the bathroom, let your hair out of its style and then wash off your makeup. Once feeling more refreshed, you lace your boots up and slowly open your door. You peek your head out of the door. Once you are in the clear, you make your way quietly to the stairs that grant you access to the roof.

When you reach the ledge, you find your way to your usual spot and sit down. Taking deep breaths, you mull over the events of the day.

_ Who am I?  _ The question plays on repeat in your head. You can barely form any kind of response when you feel a presence behind you. You don’t turn to see who it is before you speak.

“I’d like to be alone right now, please.”

“How about I talk, and you listen?” The Brooklyn accent catches you off guard. You weren’t exactly close with the captain as there was still a lot of tension on the team from recent events, you had been off on a mission when it went down, and since you were undercover, you couldn’t exactly up and leave. They never asked you to take it a side. 

“I brought you some dinner. Figured you might be hungry.”

“Thanks; how did you know I was up here?”

“FRIDAY alerted me that you weren’t in your room anymore, and Sam and Wanda got caught sulking. Put enough together to figure it out.”

“So, what? You’re here to babysit me?”

Steve brings forward a plate of food to you, and you nod for him to sit next to you. 

“Nope, just came here to watch the view and talk.” 

You roll your eyes. “Mhmm, no guarantee I will listen.” 

“Bucky would like you.” 

You look at the captain with a confused face. He chuckles. “I guess I see a little bit of me in you. You know I never knew how to say no to a fight? Still don’t know how, really. He’d have to come in and rescue me more times than I can count.”

“Get to the point, Captain.”

“Hold your horses. I’m getting there. What I’m saying is: you never back down, and you try to hide it, but I see that you wear your heart on your sleeve. You wouldn’t have attacked Loki without a good reason. It’s not any of my business, really, but don’t be afraid of your own strength. I’m not talking about your physical strength because I’ve seen you put Sam on his ass enough.”

You smile at his word choice. “Woah, watch the language there, Captain.”

Steve chuckles, “The point is: don’t feel like you need to hide from us. We’ve all got baggage. I mean, my baggage is an undead best friend with a metal arm.”

“Thank you,” you take a brief pause, “for being you. I’m going to miss your trademark Captain America pep talks around here.”

“There’s still a lot of tension between Tony and me.”

“You can’t avoid him forever.”

“Oh, the hypocrisy little star!” Steve chuckles, “Buck needs me. He’s making progress, but they think it will help if I’m around.”

“I understand.”

Steve gets up to leave you to your food and the setting sun. After the sun is set and you finish the food, you lay on your back to look up at the night sky. You liked being upstate. It allowed for an unpolluted view of the stars that glitter across the blanket of night. Under the pale moon, you gather yourself and start heading to the stairs. You feel like you owe Sam and Wanda an apology. 

“FRIDAY, where is Sam?”

“Falcon is in the communal lounge. Point Break and another are with him.”

With that information, you lead your way to the second floor and down the hall to the lounge. The lights are on, and you can hear booming laughter bounce off the walls of the corridor. When you enter the room, the laughter dies down, and eyes turn to you. 

Thor has cleaned up his appearance, and a small girl, you recognize as one of the Asgardians, sits next to him, holding a beer in her hand. She no longer has white paint on her face. You notice that she’s quite pretty. 

Thor’s voice reaches your ears. “My lady! Have you come to join us?” 

Sam avoids eye contact with you.

“No, I actually wanted to talk to Sam, but I can see that you’re busy.” Your eyes flick over to Sam. He stands up and approaches you, directing you into the kitchen away from prying eyes.

“I wanted to apologize. I was angry and frustrated with everyone. It’s been a long day, and I know it shouldn’t be an excuse, but-”

“You don’t have to apologize. We overstepped. We said we would give you time, and instead, we just bombarded you.”

“But it still isn’t an excuse to treat you and Wanda so coldly.”

“I should’ve understood where you were coming from, though. I let my own protectiveness of you override my judgment and my training.”

You nod in understanding, “since Steve is leaving tonight, you lost your running buddy… would you like to join me tomorrow?”

Sam smiled, “Only if it’s after sunrise.”

“How about a compromise... during sunrise?”

“Sounds like a plan. You’re welcome to join us if you want? I think there’s still some of that wine you like so much left in the fridge.”

“We got an early morning planned. Don’t think I want to add a headache to that plan.”

“Well, if there’s anything else you need, don’t be afraid to ask.” Sam pulled you into a hug. You accepted it graciously. 

“Goodnight, Sam.”

“Night, Starshine.”

As you turn around, you’re met with a chest of green leather, and a scent of fresh pine hits your senses. You look up to find ocean eyes sparkling down at yours. You are rendered speechless as you begin to drown in those eyes.

“Hello, my little Sigyn.” His voice rings with playfulness.

“That’s not my name.” Your voice breaks slightly, but you stand your ground.

“Oh, yes. I hear you go by Y/N now.”

Finding your strength, you return your voice to a level of coolness that even surprises you. “I have many names, but Sigyn is  _ not _ one of them.”

“You seem so sure, little one. Stubborn as always.”

Sam interjects before the interaction can escalate, “Loki, you promised, don’t you have other places you can be?”

Loki’s gaze doesn’t leave your own. “I quite like my current place.” You realize how close you still stand to the god. Taking a step back, you walk around the god and out of the kitchen, fully aware of the cerulean eyes that watch you walk away. 

Once you reach your room, you sink into your bed, releasing a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.  _ Could this day be any worse? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is any of this making sense to anyone? OR is it just me? anyways,, i reworked my timeline today and reimagined a few characters. I Had to get rid of steve because i kinda forgot the timeline of actual canon so say goodbye to steve for now. BUt hey, we gonna get some iron-dad and peter parker. Im also thinking of adding a few more comic characters. 
> 
> This wasn't suppose to be a slow burn (future me:it's not), but here we are. I swear sometimes the characters write themselves.


	5. V: No More Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> training with sam and you finally meet valkyrie.

_ Flashes of ocean eyes and the green forest blur your vision. Words play on repeat in your dream state. _

_ I’m sorry, my love. I failed you. _

_ I’m sorry, my love. I failed you. _

_ I’m sorry, my love. I failed you. _

You wake up once again with tears smattering your cheeks. You’d think after so many years, you’d be used to the burning sensation, but you aren’t. Once more, you find your heartache lingers.

With a frustrated huff, you pull yourself out of bed and make your way to the bathroom. The cool tiles of the floor and the splash of cool water on your face prepares you for your morning run with Sam. You look at yourself in the mirror and decide you wanted to have a good day today.  _ No more tears,  _ you tell yourself.

Walking out of the bathroom and over to your sleek black dresser, you open your drawers until you find what you’re looking for. With your black mesh tank top and black workout leggings, you pair it with another green sports bra. You grab your running shoes from the closet, a different pair from what you wore yesterday.

After your ensemble is checked out, you pull your hair into a single french braid since you know Sam will probably want to spar after your run. You didn’t plan with Sam on what trail you wanted to take today, so you start heading out the door to make your way to his room. He was just across the hall, so it didn’t take very long.

Sam opens the door in his workout clothes with a goofy smile on his face. “Ready, tiger?”

Rolling your eyes, you speak, “please, never call me that again.”

The two of you begin walking towards the stairs at the end of the hall.

“Wait, wait. What’s that name Loki kept calling you? Surgeon? Siggy?”

“Sigyn. And don’t call me that either!” You laugh playfully, but there’s a bit of edge to your voice at the mention of the god. The mantra you told yourself plays back in your head,  _ no more tears. _

Once out the doors, you and Sam begin stretching. You settle on a light three miles since Sam wants to workout in the gym when you return to the compound. 

When you enter the gym, you already feel lighter from your morning jog with Sam. While you enjoyed running solo, Sam’s presence was comforting while watching the sunrise and peak through the trees.

You notice Thor and the girl together again, sparring with each other on training mats. You note that you should probably introduce yourself to her at some point and get her name too. 

After a couple rounds with Sam, you take a break to grab some water. While sitting on the floor doing some light stretching, you notice the person you’ve been trying to avoid thinking of walking into the gym. You let your eyes watch over him as he makes his way to where his brother is currently punching a bag. 

Loki is dressed in a green cotton V-neck and black jogging sweats. You can’t deny that the sight is, well, to be frank, delectable. Shaking yourself from your thoughts that you just admitted to finding the god attractive, you see his blue eyes glance over you. He smirks. Most people would be ashamed at being caught, very obviously ogling another. You repeat your mantra again,  _ no more tears. A  _ surge of confidence takes over, and you give him a smirk in acknowledgment. You know, in doing so, you just offered him a challenge. 

Your eyes finally leave him, and you notice that the other girl is now alone, doing stretches of her own on the other side of the gym. 

“Well, now’s as good a time as any,” you mutter to yourself. 

You stride over to the gym, feeling ocean eyes follow your movement. You plop yourself down next to the girl with a smile on your face and continue your stretches.

“Hi, um. We weren’t properly introduced. I’m Y/N, but people call me Starshine.”

“Oh, I know. You’ve provided a lot of entertainment for me lately. I’m Brunnhilde, but people call me Valkyrie. Unless you’re the Hulk. He calls me ‘angry girl.’”

“Entertaining is an interesting way to put it,” you laugh as you remembered your conversation with Wanda yesterday. “It’s funny, actually. Yesterday, before you arrived, Wanda mentioned bringing popcorn to the debrief.”

She chuckles at your statement. “Has anyone filled you in yet?”

“Oh, I mean. A little. Sam covered it during our run this morning.”

“Ah, yes. The charming Falcon. Are you and him-? You know… together?”

You could barely contain your giggle at her presumption, “Sam? Oh, no. No! We were in the Air Force together. He recruited me to the team about a year ago. He’s honestly like a brother to me. He’s the closest thing I have to a family… I don’t have any, well none that I know of at least.”

“I can understand that, actually. Not really having a family, that is.”

You nod at her, feeling her empathy shine through her eyes.

“What about the witch?”

“Wanda? What about her?”

She shrugs, “she seems protective of you. A little more so than a normal friend would be.”

“Well, we  _ are _ Earth’s mightiest heroes. I don’t think any of us qualify as  _ normal.  _ Why so interested in my love life? Are you interested in filling that vacancy or something?”

“No, but I think I know someone else who would like to fill that vacancy.” She smirks and uses her eyes to look behind you at what you’re certain is a pale god with long hair and ocean eyes.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable by her statement, you decide to change the subject. “So, why does the Hulk call you ‘angry girl’?” 

As she begins her story about her time on Sakaar and how she befriended the Hulk, you find yourself laughing with the girl as she tells the tale. Once she finishes, you notice her face change slightly. “Mischief incoming.”

Before you can even process the warning, Loki is standing next to you, looking down on you.

“Hm, I quite like this view, little one.”

Before you can respond, Valkyrie does it for you, “Why thank you, Loki. Always know how to charm a woman.”

Loki snaps his gaze towards her with a mischievous smirk. “I was speaking to Y/N, don’t flatter yourself, Valkyrie.”

With a roll of her eyes, she flashes him a smile, “would you like a repeat of our little tussle on Sakaar, or is the threat of me pinning you on your ass enough to shut you up?”

A flare of jealousy runs through you at the remark before you can even recognize it. _Why are you all of a sudden jealous? The girl has been nothing but pleasant to you, and here you sit mad at her for her unintentional innuendo._ _Especially over someone, you want nothing to do with_. 

Loki notices this shift in your demeanor the second the words left Valkyrie’s lips. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he wonders how far he could take this. How far can he make you squirm? 

“Another tussle with you sounds far more appealing with you under me this time.”

You choke on your water; you’ve been nursing as the last phrase leaves Loki’s lips. You look up to see Loki smirking at you. Mischief indeed was incoming. That’s when you realize:  _ He is toying with you.  _ Embarrassed at being caught and still slightly angry at Loki, you decide to throw him for a loop of your own.  _ Two can play at this game, god of mischief. _

“Feel free to invite me next time, Valkyrie. But maybe we can leave the boys behind?” You wink effortlessly at the girl. Valkyrie begins laughing at your flirty remark. She is right, you are very entertaining.

Instead of squirming at your statement, Loki looks at you with a sparkle in his eye. He likes this playful side of you. Before he could try to coax more of it out, you stand up and begin walking away with a sway in your hips. One would think it is for the girl your flirtatious remark was directed at, but he knows that isn’t the case. It is all a show for  _ him _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the later update today, I went kayaking with friends today! I'm a little burnt but it was great! Let me know what you think of the chapter. I am trying to shift reader chan's emotional state as she's been an absolute train wreck. I wanted her to have some normalcy before sh*t hits the fan. so Here's some flirty fluff!


	6. VI: Apologies and Pranks

After leaving the training facilities, you made your way to the kitchens to grab fresh water and then to your room for a cool shower. After you showered, you finished getting ready for the day. 

You hear a knock on your door and an announcement from FRIDAY. “Captain Rogers is requesting entry. Should I let him in?” You grant access, and Steve strolls in.

“Y/N, I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving to be with Bucky in a bit.”

You roll your eyes playfully, “still avoiding Tony?”

The blond super soldier shrugs and uses his hand to flex and rub his neck, clearly dodging your inquisition.

“Well, you will be glad to know I took your advice.”

“Ah, so you talked to Loki.”

“Yes and no. I didn’t exactly bring up the whole… Well, the incident between us. I guess I’m not actively avoiding him. If he is staying, I will have to get used to his presence.”

“Sam said you apologized. You talk to Wanda yet?”

“No, you know how she gets. I will find her before the end of the day, hopefully, before Tony gets in. The Valkyrie already thinks I am… entertaining. I don’t want any more excitement today.”

“Never a dull moment with the Avengers.” He responds with a smile.

“Never is. So… this is goodbye then. For now?”

“Yes, but you know I will still be in touch. Maybe when Buck gets better, you can meet him. I still think you two would get along.”

“What’s not to like?”  _ Other than your constant crying the last 24 hours,  _ you silently think to yourself _. _

You aren’t a hugger; really, Sam and Wanda were the only ones you allowed to invade your personal space. After an awkward hug with the Captain, you bid your farewell and make your way searching for Wanda. After searching for about an hour of no results, you gave up. 

While walking through the halls of the compound, you ran into Thor. By ‘ran into,’ you quite literally rounded the corner and planted face-first into his chest.  _ What was it with you and awkwardly running face-first into chests lately? _

“My lady, I did not mean to startle you!”

You chuckled. “It’s okay. I seem to be making a habit out of running into people lately. I was actually looking for Wanda. Have you seen her?” 

“I believe she is tending to my people. Would you like me to walk with you?”

Feeling like a bit of burden, you floundered around an answer until Thor  _ insisted  _ he escorts you. 

“I apologize for my brother… he is… well, I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to explain my brother well enough.”

“Ah, thanks. But why are you apologizing? He’s the one giving me nightmares.” You say rather bluntly.

“Loki isn’t… he wouldn’t do that.”

“Well, his history says otherwise. As well as the recurring dreams.”

You know you’re rather rude to Thor, but just the topic of his brother is getting on your nerves.

“True as that may be, he has never lied to you.”

“Well, he didn’t meet me till yesterday… so, that’s not much of an accomplishment.”

Thor looked at you with a small smile and an eyebrow raised. “Yesterday, right, right… You should talk to Heimdall. He might be able to help you with these dreams.”

“Heimdall?”

“I will introduce you to him… if that’s what you would like.”

You take a moment to ponder over his offer before answering, “yes, I would like that.”

Thor nods, and you continue to walk to where a few of the survivors are located.

When you walk in, you spot Wanda and her beautiful auburn hair and a red leather jacket. You part ways with Thor and approach her.

“Wanda, can I have a moment with you in private?”

Wanda turns her head toward you, and a forced smile presses on her lips. “Yes, let’s talk over there.” She motions her head to a secluded hallway. 

“I just wanted to apologize for taking my anger out on you and pushing you away. You and Sam both mean the world to me, and I can’t stand being angry at you, or even have you be mad at me. Your actions were valid… I did go...kinda crazy.”

“You’re not crazy, Starshine. Your feelings are valid, and I pushed too hard.” She takes your hand in hers and gently holds it. You look up into her eyes, and all of a sudden, Valkyrie’s words echo in your mind.  _ Shit. _

Wanda pulls you into a hug and whispers in your ear, “When you’re ready, I am here.”

You pull back and smile.  _ How can you be so dense? Wanda is always very affectionate toward you. Maybe you’re reading too far into things, but now everything Wanda does or has done is starting to make sense to you… is she-? _

Before you can ponder any further, Wanda interrupts your warring mind. “I think Thor needs you.” She looks over your shoulder.

“Oh, right. Thor wanted to introduce me to Heimdall!” You know you’re putting a guard up between you two by not telling her  _ why _ . Evaluating any feelings, mutual or not, feels like a burden that can be set to the side for now.

You pull away from Wanda, walking toward Thor and another man. You recognize him as the man Loki had been talking to yesterday.

“Heimdall, this is Y/N, also known as Starshine.”

You extend your hand to the man and make eye contact. His eyes are unnaturally tinged golden. They’re quite beautiful.

“Yes, the girl with many names. Thor said you might require my services?”

You look at Thor, and he takes it as a request to be left alone. Thor walks off before you respond.

“Well, truthfully? I am not sure  _ what _ your services entail.”

“I am All-Seeing, All-hearing… it means I can see the past, present, and future.”

“I don’t understand exactly. Are you saying that Thor thinks my dreams are,” you pause, “memories? I didn’t meet Loki, though, until yesterday; how can I have memories of someone I’ve never met?”

“In this lifetime, that is true. I know who you are. I see you now just as you were once.”

You are reeling at this revelation, in _ this lifetime. _ You’ve heard of reincarnation and people having memories of past lives, but this was  _ too _ much.  _ You are mortal, human. How could you have a past life? _

Heimdall’s golden eyes catch yours. “I can give you the answers you seek, but it would not be my place.”

You didn’t know if you were ready for the answer, but you ask anyway. “So, you don’t think it’s Loki giving me these… memories? You think... it’s something else.”

Heimdall smiles demurely at you, “Memories, dreams: they assemble and take shape, they twist, tangle, unravel now and then, break and reconnect, that’s what a union is, what time is.”

You hum at Heimdall’s words. “Thank you for the guidance.” You decide to change the subject so you can mull over his remarks at a later time. “When are you leaving?”

“The Iron Man will be arriving, and he will be assigning agents to coordinate our departure. We should be ready to leave by tomorrow morning.”

“Well, let me know if I can do anything to assist you and your people.”

“Of course, my lady. There are dark times ahead, but your dreams, they will get easier.”

After your discussion with Heimdall, you set off to contact Tony. “Tony!” your excitement in your voice palpable, “when are you getting here, rockstar?”

You hear Tony chuckle over the phone, “Starshine, so excited to see me?”

“You always bring me the best wine, and I know you’re bringing me something special for what I did on our last mission. You’re welcome for saving your ass, by the way.”

“You’re gonna hold that over me forever now, aren’t you?”

“For as long as you’re around, old man.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m pulling up now. See you soon, kid.”

You open the glass doors of the compound to find Tony in one of his luxury sports cars striding out. 

“Hey, kiddo, where are the others?”

“Just inside, where’s my wine?”

“Slow it down there, kid,” he rolls his eyes and motions for the trunk. 

You run around to the trunk, popping it open. You pull out the bottle.  _ New Zealand Moscato.  _

“Tony, you know me so well.”

“No, I just know you polished off a bottle of that by yourself when you visited me last summer. Now you can stay out of my stash.”

As you walk up to the doors of the compound admiring the bottle in your hands, you speak, “it’s taking all my might right now, not just to pop this sucker open and down it right here.”

“Sounds healthy, Starshine. Asgardians stressing you out?”

“Just one in particular. You’re familiar with him! He’s got the whole tall dark and brooding thing with the long hair?”

Tony scoffs at your description. “Unfortunately.” 

As you open the doors, a black cat greets you in the foyer. 

“Um, whose cat is that?” 

You look down to see the cat in question circling your legs and purring at you, and looking up at you with beautiful blue-green eyes. You bend over to pick up the little thing. 

“I don’t know… maybe it came with the others?” You say as you cradle the black furball. You continue, “I love cats. They’re so sweet and small.”

“No, not in my building.” Tony makes a move to grab the cat from your arms as it hisses at the manhandling on Tony’s end.

You couldn’t help but notice its demeanor and eyes seemed… familiar? _Shit._ Just as you are about to warn Tony of _who_ he is handling, a glimmer of green appears over the cat, and Loki sits in Tony’s arms being bridal carried. You start giggling uncontrollably, and Tony’s shocked expression as he realizes who he is holding. 

Loki looks over at you; he thinks your giggles might be the most lovely thing he’s ever heard. He will make an effort to listen to it more often.

Tony jumps, and you hear Thor chuckling on the other side of the room. Tony sneers at the man he just carried around, “Reindeer Games, I’d love to say it’s good to see you… but it isn’t good to see you.”

“Oh, I just am trying to make the darling over there laugh. It seems it worked.” Loki throws a wink and a smile at you. You have to admit; it was a clever joke. 

“See what I mean, Tony? I’m going to put my wine in the cooler so I can pour myself a glass later.” You begin taking your leave from the group that is now clustered around Tony.

Loki turns with the intention to follow you, but Tony stops him before he can follow. “Uh-uh. Reindeer Games, you’re staying here. Leave Starshine alone.”

Loki is annoyed by yet another person who is protective of you. “Well, I’ve found she’s just a delight to be around.”

“The feelings are not mutual, bud. So can it. Thor, let’s meet in the conference room and get your people to safety.”

After putting your wine in the cooler, you were told to meet in the conference room. You ran into Sam on the way, and you both assumed the meeting would entail your role in aiding the Asgardians to Norway. You both stride into the glass box of a conference room, taking a seat next to Natasha in the middle of the long table. While spinning around in your chair, Tony walks in.

“This is rather poor timing, all things considered, but we are needed for a mission. Natasha, Sam, and Y/N,” pointing to the three of you, “you will handle this mission. It isn’t too far away.” He handed you a manilla envelope. “This is your debrief. Let us know if you have any questions. You head out at sunset.”

You scoff, “Well, there goes my date with my wine.”

“We can have a wine night when we get back. I’m sure we will all need it after this hectic week.” Natasha responded.

“It’s a date then! Wait, when do we get back?” 

Tony pointed to the packets, “There isn’t time to give a full debrief. Read through your envelopes and be at the Quinjet ready to go. You will be back by tomorrow night.”

The three of you nod in agreement and begin making your way to your respective rooms to begin preparation for the mission. Reading through the mission details, you were growing with excitement. You’ve always found strength and power in the field, especially when you came out victorious. You were looking forward to leaving behind your nightmares and letting the adrenaline of a good fight give you strength.


	7. VII: Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go on a mission and sh*t hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a rough one let me just tell you now.  
> Trigger warnings: violence, death, panic attacks.  
> Russian translations, sorry i used google translate. If any of them are incorrect blame google. The only language i am somewhat confident in that isn't english is french so yah...

**Target** : Helmut Zemo

**Objective** : Capture Zemo. Rescue unknown inhuman. 

**Details** : Target has captured an unknown inhuman. Plans to use this inhuman’s abilities against the human race. 

**Target** **Abilities** : The Target has a gifted intellect, with certain scientific expertise, excellent marksmanship, and extensive hand-to-hand combat training. Helmut has circuitry in his headband designed to disrupt psionic manipulation. He carries various rifles and sometimes brings a hand-held spray-gun for Adhesive X, the most powerful bonding agent ever invented. 

**Assignments** : Black Widow and Falcon capture Zemo, Starshine rescue the inhuman.

**Location:** Hydra base.

**Attachments:** [ Zemo.jpg ](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c1/Helmut_Zemo.jpg) ;  [ UnknownInhuman.jpg ](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/8/86/Lucas_%28Inhuman%29_%28Earth-616%29_All-New_Captain_America_Vol_1_5.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20150928132006) ; FacilityBlueprint.jpg

* * *

You are running past the chaos of a battle. Falcon and Black Widow are engaged in combat with the target. Your objective is to save the inhuman. The building you enter is starting to shake. Fortunately, you had time to memorize the layout of the building. After searching, you finally find the inhuman. He’s just a child, cowering in the corner of the musty concrete room. His brown hair is covered in blood and dirt and matted to his face.

‘No, no! Please don’t hurt me. He said I could save them. I was just trying to save them.”

You slowly approach the boy with your hand stretched. You notice a small gash on his palm. 

“It’s okay. He can’t hurt you anymore. I’m here to save you. My name is Starshine. Can you tell me your name?” There’s a gentleness to your voice.

“Lu-L-Lucas. My name is Lucas.”

You smile at the boy, “Lucas, I need you to come with me, okay? We can help you. Can you stand on your own?”

You take a few steps closer to him. You hear Sam in your earpiece. “Starshine, did you locate the inhuman? We could use your assistance out here.”

“Yes, I found him. I’ll get him to the jet.”

Lucas interrupts your conversation with Sam. 

“No. No. I won’t be your prisoner!”

“Lucas, you won’t be. I promise to protect you. I won't let anything happen to you.”

Lucas searches your eyes before slowly standing and taking your hand. 

“Alright, I need to ask you something? Okay, I need you to do everything I tell you. Can you do that?”

Lucas nods. You grab one of your blades from your chest holster and place it in his hands. 

“Just in case we get separated, you need to be armed. Okay? You can do this, Lucas. I’ve got you.”

You decide going out the way you came in would be too dangerous, so you follow the tunnels to the other side of the building. From there, you can get Lucas to the jet and help the others capture Zemo. 

When you reach the doors of the tunnels, everything starts shaking. 

“Starshine, what’s your position? There’s been an explosion in the building!”

_ Shit. Shit Shit. This mission is not going the way you planned. _

You grab Lucas’s hand again, “We need to run, okay? Stay close to me!” 

With Lucas close behind, you make your way through the tunnels and to the exit. You can see the light seeping through the cracks in the door. You kick open the door with your feet, right into the path of several agents. All that stands between these agents and Lucas is yourself. You’ve made a promise to this young boy, and you intend to keep your promise. 

“Hey boys, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got a wine night planned.” 

“У нее есть мальчик. Хватай его.”  _ She has the boy. Grab him. _

You engage with the agents pulling your blades out of your thigh holsters. There are three of them. It should be easy work. The first one comes after you head-on. He’s easily 6’4, but his size doesn’t intimidate you. Practically all of your teammates are taller than you, so you know to go for their legs. You stab him in the thigh with your blade in your right hand. He falls to his knees, and you slash his throat with the left. His blood soaks your uniform.  _ Tony is not going to like your dry cleaning bill. _

You notice the scrawny, lanky one dodge your left to grab Lucas, who stands in the doorway. He’s pulling out a gun. You see his finger on the trigger, ready to shoot you. You suddenly feel a rush of strength. 

“Ее глаза?!”  _ Her eyes!  _ The other agent begins running towards Lucas.

You utilize a move Natasha showed you on disarming. You could never fully perfect the action, but this newfound strength gives you the resolution you need to do it. You swing your arms around and grab hold of his forearm while you stab his shoulder. Causing him to drop the gun. You employ a series of kicks to get him on his knees. He falls, just like Natasha had made you fall all the times you practiced the move. You turn around to find Lucas in a chokehold. You look at Lucas and nod, hoping he didn’t drop the blade you gave him.

The other agent looks at you, horrified, while he has a hold of Lucas. You turn to him with a wicked grin on your face, feeling more powerful than ever. 

“W-Who  _ are  _ you?” the agent has a thick accent. When you look at Lucas, he is crying. 

You speak to Lucas, “you can do this. I’ve got you.” 

Lucas takes a deep breath and pulls out the knife stabbing the agent in the leg. Lucas frees himself from the agent and runs to you. A loud bang rings through your ears. You see blood pour from the child’s mouth. 

“NO!”

Lucas falls to his knees, and you look up to see the smoking gun held in the agent’s hands.

You lose control of your body. Everything around you happens in a dream-like state. You feel power radiate around you as you look at the agent who killed an innocent boy.  _ You failed. You didn’t save him. You broke your promise.  _ The words swirl around in your head. When you look down, a golden glow pours out of your hands, and when you look up. The agent is on the ground, with no life left in his weasel eyes. You don’t know how it happened.

You run over to Lucas’s body.

“SAM! SAM, we need medical now! The kid, he’s been shot. I can’t-I can’t save him. HELP!”

You hold Lucas in your arms, his eyes starting to dull. “Lucas, I need you to hold on, okay? You have to stay with me; I promised you I’d protect you.”

Lucas can barely form words, “Your eyes...they’re glowing…  _ who are you? _ ” Lucas lets out his last breath, and you cry. Holding his body close to your chest.

When you look up, you see Sam taking off his goggles and quickly approaching you. He kneels down next to you, where you hold the boy’s body close to your heart. You dip your head back down to Lucas’s eyes, where no life is left to them.

“Y/N, look at me,” Sam says. “You have to let him go. We need to leave. We have Zemo, but more are coming.”

You refuse to look up. “I failed… I promised to protect him.”

Sam places his hand between your shoulders. “I know, Y/N. I know, but we have to go. Nat has the Quinjet ready.”

You slowly pry yourself from the boy’s lifeless body, tears in your eyes blurring your vision. Sam grabs you around the waist and lifts off with his wings. Your mind blacks out the next moments, only thinking of your failure and Lucas’s lifeless eyes.

* * *

You land at the compound. Your body refuses to move from its seat. Natasha whispers to Sam, “We need to head straight for the debrief. Is she going to be okay?”

Sam responds, glancing over at you, “Yeah, I’ve got her. Just give us a moment?”

Natasha walks off the jet before pausing at your slumped form in your seat. She doesn’t say anything to you. Sam walks over to you and squats in front of you, taking your hands in his.

“Starshine, you have to look at me... “

You look up into his chocolate orbs. He has tears in his eyes. “I know it’s hard. Do you want to skip the debrief?”

“No. No… I need to be there.”

Sam tugs on your hands, and you stand falling into his chest. He slowly lifts you to your feet. “Okay, let’s go. You’ve got this. I know it hurts.”

You make your way out of the jet with your head buried in Sam’s shoulder, tears and blood muttered on your face and uniform. You allow him to guide you into the compound. You close your eyes until you feel yourself being seated in a chair in the conference room. Sam sits next to you, holding your hand. 

Natasha stands up front while the other members trickle in. She takes the lead on the rundown of the mission. You can’t bear to look up when the others ask about the boy. Sam squeezes your hand, and you close your eyes, taking a deep breath. 

Your voice comes out broken, “I failed. I… couldn’t protect the kid. I wasn’t strong enough.” 

Natasha interrupts you, “something else happened. After we had Zemo in custody, a golden light enveloped the other side of the building. I was able to access the footage on the building.”

She pulls up the footage on the monitor. You hear your scream. You look up to the footage. You watch as golden tendrils of light flourish around your body. Your eyes are glowing. The light wraps like cords around the agent’s body, and then his body falls to the ground, lifeless. Your mouth hangs open in shock. You watch the footage of you running to Lucas’s body, cradling him to your chest. 

“Stop. Please, just make it stop.” You have a death grip on Sam’s hand now. Tony stands and makes his way to stop the video.

‘Starshine….Y/N.” You look up again to see every eye in the room on you.  _ They all saw it. They saw your failure. _

You stand quickly and run out of the room. You need to get out of there. You don’t even think to change out of your blood-soaked uniform. You find yourself making your way to the stairs with access to the roof. When you come back to yourself, you're standing on the top. You fall to your knees, your breathing jagged, and your chest thumps loudly. You feel like you're having a heart attack.

“Starshine?” You hear a silky voice call your name, but you’re too far gone. You can’t breathe, and your eyes are struggling to focus.

“I need you to listen to me. You’re having a panic attack.”

“It hurts. I can’t-can’t breathe. I can’t” your words are a jumble of hysteria. Your hands stretch out and pull whoever it is speaking to you down to you. Your iron grip is holding on to their hands.

“Just answer my questions. Can you do that? Tell me what you can feel?”

“I don’t know. I can’t-”

“Y/N, what can you feel? You can do this. I won’t let you go.”

“I feel… I feel you... I feel your hands.”

“Okay, good. Can you tell me something you smell?”

You take a deep breath focusing on finding a scent. You recognize one. “Fresh pine, I smell fresh pine… and leather.”

“That’s good, star. What can you hear?”

“Your voice.”

“Can you tell me something you see?”

Your eyes begin to refocus. You see deep ocean eyes staring into yours. “Ocean eyes. Like ones from my dreams.” You don’t know why you added the last part.

Your breathing has returned to normal, and your heart no longer feels like it will explode. You fall into Loki, and the tears begin to pour down your cheeks onto his clothing. He brings you to his chest, cradling your head, murmuring reassurances into your ears. “It’s okay, my love. I’ve got you. I won’t let go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yah.... sorry. I was iffy about introducing a character, only to have them killed off. Especially that character being a child... it was needed to push reader chan to use her powers and to further the question/plotline of: who are you. Anyways, let me know what you think in the comments. The next chapter is already written (it was one of the first ones i wrote actually). It's a tear jerker. Because I spoil y'all....imma upload it shortly after this one.


	8. VIII: Evoking Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you seek out answers.
> 
> pls pls listen to the song while you read.

[Play this while reading.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Cry85KUzzU)

**_“Somewhere in the world, there is someone, looking up at the same moon and the same stars, praying to find someone exactly like you.”_ **

You stand outside Loki’s door. Reaching your hand to knock on the door, you hesitate. _Can he give you the answers you’re looking for?_ _What are you looking for, though?_

The door suddenly opens to reveal Loki in a green V-neck and black joggers. Your eyes linger over his form before they make their way back up to the ocean eyes you so desperately want to drown in. Even in his sleep clothes, he still takes your breath away. You slowly take a few steps into the room, maintaining a safe distance from the god. The silence that surrounds you is deafening.

You break the silence, trying to put as much effort into maintaining composure around him. “Who am I?”  _ That’s the golden question: who are you? Or better yet, who were you? _

Loki maintains calm and stoic. “That depends; who do you want to be?”

You look down, unable to form words. You’re filled with shame at the idea that he would help you. You’re exhausted. Your mind and body ache. Filled with regret, you think  _ this was a mistake.  _ You turn to make your way out of the room before a silky-smooth voice interrupts you.

“Don’t go. Please.”

Looking back up, you’re met with pleading eyes.

Loki approaches you slowly with his hand outstretched to you. His movements are slow, gentle even. “Please, let me show you just one memory. That’s all I ask. Just the one.” His ocean eyes plead with yours. Your arms still at your sides; you slowly nod, ceasing to break eye contact. His slender fingers find your hands at your side and bring them to touch your cheek. His hand is resting atop yours. You close your eyes.

_ A beautiful palace of gold stands off in the distance. You stand on a bridge of light, the rainbow colors dazzling in the darkness of the night. You look down to find your fingers intertwined with the raven-haired god draped in leathers of green and gold.  _

_ Loki shifts his gaze towards you. A smirk approaches his lips. His pale complexion is striking. His high cheekbones are stunning and warm eyes meet yours. You only see the love and affection that radiates from his ocean eyes. You feel a smile approaching your cheeks as Loki begins speaking. _

_ “I want to show you something.” _

_ You feel a tug on your fingers as Loki leads you further onto the bridge near the dome that lies on the other side. Halfway to the domed building, he stops and turns to you. You can feel the warmth within his touch. _

_ “I know you are scared of the dark,” your lip curls, and your cheeks become heated, embarrassed by the truth of his words, “but I want to show you that you’re not alone. Will you let me show you?” You nod your head without breaking eye contact with the gorgeous god that stands before you. _

_ His gaze leaves yours as he looks up. Following his eyes, you find yourself breathless at the view before you. The night sky glitters with galaxies light-years away, and the stars sparkle and shine. It’s almost as if a scene from a dream—nothing more, nothing less than a beautiful view. _

_ “When you find yourself in the dark, think of this,” his hands cusp your cheeks as he brings your face to look into his. “Think of me. I will always find you.” He closes the distance between you, and his soft lips press a kiss to yours. You melt into his embrace and his warmth. _

As the vision fades, you slowly open your eyes. You’re once again standing with Loki. His hands hold your face just like you were in the memory. Your eyes fall to his lips, inches away from your own. You feel tears forming in your eyes as they begin to spill down your cheeks. You are crying over a life that you’ve forgotten. Loki’s finger gently strokes your cheek.

“Loki- I-” the words come out in a choked up whisper. You are unable to form a coherent sentence as the emotions from the memory cloud your judgment. You take a step back from the god, breaking physical contact. His touch is too much. It’s too overwhelming to feel his warmth as you struggle to regain control of your emotions.

All your life, you’ve felt like a piece of you was missing. The night sky was your only solace. Until now, that is. The scene he showed you, and now your time in his presence is the only time you’ve felt complete.  _ Could he be the missing piece to your broken heart? _

Loki’s ocean eyes are clouded with tears. “I’ve waited a hundred years, but I’d wait for a million more for you, my love.” It’s the same voice from your dreams, the one filled with love and affection, with just the slightest hint of despair _. _

“I’m not that girl, Loki. I may have been, once.” You don’t dare look him in the eyes in preparation for the next part that passes your lips. “You don’t love me. You love her, the girl from your memories. I can’t be her. Even if I was her, at one point...” Your heart breaks as the words leave your lips. “I am not the girl you love.”

Loki steps towards you; his slender fingers find their way to your face once more, where he lifts your chin, so your eyes meet his. “You are foolish if you think me incapable of loving you, whether it be in this life or the next. I will always find you.”

He closes the distance once more between your faces, and soft lips melt into yours. The kiss leaves you breathless as you slowly close your eyes to melt into his warmth. His hand finds your way from your chin to clasp your cheek in his palm. In his embrace, you feel like you’ve finally come home from a long journey. You feel his other hand come up to hold your face to his.

All too soon, his lips pull away from yours. You try to linger in his embrace for as long as you can before the silence between you becomes unbearable. 

“It’s late; I should go.” Your voice quivers as the exhaustion of the last few restless nights settle in. Before you can remove yourself from Loki, his arms move to grab your waist, pulling your body flush to his own. His grip tightens around your waist, and he forces your head into his chest. His hands cradle your head gently, and you can hear his heart beating. The steadiness of its rhythm soothes your aching soul. You feel his breath rustle your hair on your head before you feel him press his lips to the crown of your head.

“Stay,” his voice is quiet, barely a whisper, “please.”

You wrap your arms around him, pulling him into an embrace of your own while slowly nodding your head. Your voice comes out as a whisper, “always.”

That night, Loki holds you in his arms. You dream of rainbow bridges, ocean eyes, and kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the second chapter i wrote and it is absolutely my favorite. Anyways...thinking of writing a prequel.


	9. IX: Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You see his ocean eyes staring into yours as his arms engulf you.
> 
> “No, no. You have to hold on; you can’t leave me.”
> 
> You feel a sudden pain in your heart. When you look down, a dagger is piercing your heart. Your vision fades as you hear Loki’s cries, “I’m sorry, my love. I failed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baldur has been fancasted as Tom Hardy.  
> Special shout out to my betas!! And my dear friend Trevor!!! He helped me A LOT with this chapter!

You awake to the morning sun peeking through the blinds of the window. Its soft, warm glow is basking the room in golden rays. You feel something heavy and warm curled up behind you. A gentle breath hits the back of your neck, and a pale arm hugs you tight. The events of your night flood back to you. The rainbow bridge, the night sky, ocean eyes, and soft lips. 

Gingerly you unravel yourself from the embrace and turn so you can face him. The only person who’s ever made your heart feel complete. As much as you want to trust these memories and feelings Loki has given you; you don’t know that you can. 

The words you remembered from previous dreams come back to you.  _ I’m sorry, my love. I failed you. _ If Loki is telling the truth, then in your past life, if you can even call it that, he failed you. Who’s to say he won’t do it again?

You look over his pale face. His eyelashes, long and beautiful, rest against his cheeks—inky tendrils of hair brush against his face. You tenderly reach your hand out, removing the stray locks of hair. Your lips curve into a soft smile. 

His features are soft in sleep, angelic even. Your eyes travel down to his lips when you notice a smirk on his lips. 

“You’re staring.” His voice is eloquent, but there was a coarseness to it from his sleepy state.

You look up to find his sea-foam eyes staring into yours. “Sorry.”

“You do that a lot.”

“Do what?”

“Apologize.” He says candidly.

Recounting your last few days, you chuckled. “Hmm, I guess I do.”

“You don’t have to do that. Not when you’re with me.”

A comfortable silence passes between the two of you, wrapped in each other’s comforting and warm embrace. 

Your thoughts begin to shift back to worry.  _ I failed you. I failed you. I failed you _ . The words are replaying on a loop in your head. You close your eyes again in hopes you can mask your worry by pretending to be asleep.

“What’s wrong?”

Loki’s voice makes you open your eyes. His stare is intense and causes you to waiver in your thoughts.

“There is one dream, I remember… more than the others.”

You sit up on the bed, the standard gray sheets pooling in your lap, looking down at your hands as the bed shifts beside you, signals Loki paralleling your current position. 

“It’s your voice… you said that you failed me.”

When you look up at Loki, his body has tensed, and his lips are pressed in a firm line. He knows the answer, but he’s not ready to let you relive that memory. He doesn’t want to lose you. He already feels like he’s walking on eggshells being so close to you. Loki takes pride in the fact that he’s never lied to you. Even if he is the god of lies, he doesn’t want to break that commitment he made to you a hundred years ago.

“Ah, that one.”

“So, you know the memory? Or a dream or whatever it is?”

Loki’s eyes betray his emotions when he looks at you. He feels like he’s being torn apart inside. He wants to give you answers, he wants to provide you with everything, but he doesn’t think he is ready to relive that painful memory that haunts even his dreams.

“Will you show it to me?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Your voice is stern. You can tell he wants to deflect, avoid the topic.

“I promised I wouldn’t hurt you and I fear showing you will only cause you pain.”

“As if the nightmares don’t already cause me pain? Loki, I’ve been having the same dreams my entire life, and then in 2012, they turned to nightmares. Please, if it stops the dreams, show me.”

Loki sighs, still looking down; your wording shocks him.  _ Since 2012,  _ t _ hat’s when he came to New York. Could his presence on Midgard have triggered your nightmares?  _ Your broken voice draws him out of his thoughts. 

“It’s not your burden to carry that pain alone, Loki. It’s my pain, too, my trauma. I deserve to know.”

“Can I not show you something else?

You roll your eyes and begin untangling yourself from his bedsheets. Frustration settles in your bones. “Fine, if you won’t show it to me, then I’ll ask Wanda. I’m sure she can figure it out.” You stand up to make your way to his door.

“No.” His voice cuts off your stride. You turn around to face him again. 

“No? This is my life, Loki. I am slowly losing control of it. If you’re going to be in the way of me gaining back that control, then,” you pause, “I don’t know. Just-”

Loki cuts you off. “Just what? Leave you alone? You constantly push others away from you. Anytime someone gets close, you put up your guard and block them.”

Your voice is rising in volume. “So, what? Do you think you know me so well now? I share one intimate moment with you, and suddenly you’re an expert? No. Loki, You know what? You’re such a hypocrite! Telling me I should open up more to others, yet, here you sit all high and mighty!”

Loki raises from his seat on the bed, prowling over to you in a quick two steps. He stands in front of you. “You don’t think I don’t have nightmares either? You don’t think that I also have to relive that pain every night when I close my eyes?!”

His jaw clenched, and his fists pressed firmly to his side. His voice is much quieter now. It’s so soft, it scares you. “You are not the only one who is losing control of their life, and you are especially not the only one with nightmares.”

You let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes. “Then show me. If you truly are in as much pain as I am, then show me why it’s your voice I hear and your face I see in my sleep.”

“No, I will show you any memory you want to see. Just not that one,” his voice begins to break, “I can’t.”

His eyes refuse to meet yours. You stand so close to each other, but you feel like your miles apart. Looking down at his hands pressed tightly in fists at his sides, you move your right hand to his. Your fingers wrap around his fist.

“I already told you I can ask Wanda to show me. I see it whether you like it or not.” Your voice comes out harsher than you intended, his fist still tightly closed with your hand around it. 

Your voice is much quieter and gentler now. “I’m asking you to be the one who shows me, don’t let me do this alone.” 

Loki’s fist relaxes, allowing you to interlace your fingers with his. You beg this time, “please, show me.”

Loki’s ocean gaze finally meets yours, and you can see tears in his eyes. 

“If I show you, will you promise not to run?”

It feels like all you’ve been doing is running late, but you promised yourself you  wanted needed answers.

“I won’t run.”

Loki pulls your still intertwined hand back to the bed where you sit down next to each other. You give his hand a gentle squeeze, letting him know you’re ready. You close your eyes, waiting.

_ Green blurs of the forest surround you. You look down; the golden gauze and chiffon of your dress is torn and ripped. Your feet carry you through the trees. You’re trying to get to the cave where Loki is located.  _

_ Suddenly a white light appears around you in a foggy mist. He found you. You’re too late. You turn around to be faced with him. A man stands before you with a snarl on his face. His pale blue armor sparkles in the sun that lights the forest around you. A square jaw and rigid set blue-green eyes complimented a long nose and a ginger beard with braids.  _

_ The white around you is as bright as snow, contrasting with the green of the forest floor. Odin always said that Hel was a snowy tundra of death. _

_ Your voice breaks through, strained with exhaustion. “Baldur, stop this! This isn’t who you are! You can help me fix this. Let me bring him home.” _

_ “No, he doesn’t deserve you. Sigyn, come back with me. We can leave this childish fantasy behind and be happy.” _

_ “I will never go with you. My happiness is with Loki. You won’t take him from me, not again.” _

_ Shaking your head, you ready yourself for a fight. You won’t leave Loki behind. You know killing Baldur will be nearly impossible. Frigga gifted her favorite son with his immortality. Your only hope is to hold him off for as long as you can until Loki can find you.  _

_ You pull on the telepathic link you formed with Loki, hoping he hasn’t shut you out. You feel a gentle tug in return. He’s near; you can feel it. _

_ Your golden light combats his white light, and in a forest, somewhere on Midgard, the god of light and the goddess of victory face off in battle. _

_ You summon your blades; you thought Thor would be able to hold him off longer. Had you known it would be you facing Baldur, you would’ve had the foresight to lace your daggers in mistletoe, his only weakness. _

_ Running towards the man, letting your powers take the lead as you slash and dodge his aims.  _

_ Striking his arm, you watch it heal as you feel pain on your cheek. Blood dripping down to your lips. The metallic taste fueling your aggression. _

_ “Sigyn, I don’t want to hurt you.” _

_ “You should’ve thought about that before you betrayed me.” _

_ The battle between the two of you rages on, your gown now covered in blood. Without the aid of mistletoe, your slashes on him healed too quickly to cause any damage.  _

_ You need to stall, but you’re growing weak. Your life is slowly draining from you as you realize your victory is a lost cause. You give a final tug on the link begging for Loki to save you. _

_ Green light intertwines with your golden, and you know he’s here. You see Loki pulling you out of battle. He stands between you and Baldur. _

_ “Brother, how nice of you to visit me.” _

_ “Loki, so much better than us. So much smarter.” Baldur motions to you behind Loki’s shoulder. “Yet, your little pet has broken her promise.” _

_ Your voice raises, yelling at Baldur from behind Loki. “I have made no promises I couldn’t keep, I promise you, I’m not leaving here without Loki.” _

_ Loki’s gaze doesn’t leave Baldur’s as Loki summons his blades and the two gods standoff. You stand so close to Loki, you pick up the smell of mistletoe.  _

_ The exhaustion of your duel settles as Loki takes your place in the battle against Baldur. You want to help him but looking down, you see more blood; it’s pooling around you as you collapse on your knees.  _

_ When you look up, you see Loki with the dagger, which you’re sure is dipped in mistletoe oil, straddling Baldur, the blade at his neck. He stabs him, ending the battle as Baldur cries out in pain. _

_ Your voice breaks as Loki turns to you. “Loki.” _

_ You see his ocean eyes staring into yours as his arms engulf you. _

_ “No, no. You have to hold on; you can’t leave me.” _

_ Your vision is blurring as you hear Loki call out to Heimdall to send help.  _

_ A flash of rainbow strikes nearby as Frigga emerges from it, rushing over to Baldur’s fallen, lifeless body. _

_ “Mother, you have to save her. I can’t do it alone. Please let me save her.” _

_ Frigga’s voice is filled with rage, “what have you done?” _

_ Your voice is broken as it comes out. You’re struggling to hold on. “He deceived us. I had to stop him.” _

_ Frigga’s rage turns on you, you feel a sudden pain in your heart. When you look down, the same dagger formerly used to kill Baldur is piercing your heart. Your vision fades as you hear Loki’s cries, “I’m sorry, my love. I failed you.” _

When you come back to reality, your body feels like it’s on fire. Your cheeks damp with tears. Loki pulls your limp body towards him swinging your legs over him so that you lay cradled in his arms. You hear sobs coming from him. 

You’re too afraid to say anything. If you had any doubts before about who you are, this memory has cleared them. You have a million questions.  _ Why did Loki stab you? What promise did you make to Baldur? Why didn’t Frigga save you? Why did Loki abandon you? _

You pull yourself from Loki’s arms, trying your best to stand. Your feet barely hit the floor before you fall to your knees. Your brain is trying to cope with your own death. The pain you felt in your heart still is there as you feel your heart beating out of your chest.

You crawl on the floor, desperate to grab something. Your emotions tilter between anger and despair. _Why did he stab you?_ _Why did he leave you, to begin with? Who the fuck is Baldur?_

Your hands and knees scrape the carpet of the floor. Knees burning against the fibers, you find your way to standing on shaky legs. 

You hear Loki whisper, broken and barely audible. “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”

Your anger overtakes you as you finally stand. You yell, “Why did you do it?!”

You make your way toward him, his head focused on his hands in his lap. You grab the closest thing in your reach. The clock on the nightstand shatters as you throw it across the room. Loki flinches at the sound of the clock breaking against the wall.

“ANSWER ME!” 

[ Loki ](https://media.tenor.com/images/6122ab2d7084c98577dc0e1fddd0f95d/tenor.gif) looks up at you, tears in his eyes. His mouth opens, unable to find the words.

His voice finally comes out broken, “Sigyn.”

You shake your head, your hands reaching to grab the pillow on the bed. You need to tear something, throw another object, anything that you can take your anger out on. You see a pale hand grab your wrist as you go for the pillow that sits beside you. 

You begin to yank your arm away from him, but you hesitate. His grip on your wrist isn’t harsh; it’s gentle. Your eyes focus on the hand.

Your voice matches his, broken and detached. “Why did you do it? Why did you kill me?”

You fall into Loki, your body giving in to the uncontrollable sobs that wreck your body. Tears stain his shirt as you let out another desperate cry, “why, Loki? Why?”

“I-I didn’t, but I might as well have.”

You can’t form any more words as the emotional toll of experiencing your own death settles. 

_ You saw the dagger, you saw him. How could he not have been the one to do it? _

As if he could read your mind, you hear him say “It was my mother. She mistook you for killing Baldur, but it was me. I killed him. Y-you were already so weak and dying in my arms. I only wanted to save you, protect you.”

Your breathing becomes erratic as a panic attack begins. You squeeze your eyes shut begging for it to end. Your chest feels like you’re being stabbed from the inside out. Loki moves his hand that still grips his wrist, gently wiping his hand up your arm and back down. You can hear him telling you to breathe.  _ Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. _

Several minutes pass before your heart finally calms back down. Your breathing is shallow and still uneasy.

“Is there an easier way? To have my memories back? One where I don’t have to relive every one of them?”

Loki’s silence stretches as your heart races. You can hear his heart beating. You focus on it.

“I don’t know.”

“Loki, I can’t go through that again.”

“I know, my love.” 

Loki is unsure how to comfort you, but he has an idea. He moves you into a more comfortable position. He rests his forehead against yours, your body is still slack against him. Your hands bundled, clinging to his shirt.

“Do you know what ‘Sigyn’ means?”

You shook your head, accidentally brushing your nose against his. He leaned back, so his ocean eyes were staring into yours.

“It means ‘friend of victory.’ In your past life, you were deemed the title ‘Goddess of Victory.’ You were known for overcoming trauma, enduring pain, and being a survivor. I do not doubt that is still a part of who you are now.”

You took Loki’s words to heart. As much as you wanted to wallow in your misery, you also craved to feel whole again. You think that maybe you can do that with Loki by your side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This was a hard chapter to write, i wont lie. My original chapter 9 was over 5k words. After reading it with the rest of the fic, i hated it. So i completely scrapped and decided to take a different approach. From here on out, updates will be slower as I am no longer on vacation. Im in school for 30 hours a week and i work another 16 hours outside of that. So, I can't commit as much time as I have at the start of this journey. With that being said, chapters will be longer from here on out. 
> 
> This chapter was super hard to rewrite, especially dealing with death. The human brain literally is impossible to comprehend it's own death, so how the heck do i write reader to comprehend her own death??? Anyways, it's not perfect but it will suffice!
> 
> ALSO I will be writing a prequel to this fic involving Loki and Reader's relationship on Asgard.
> 
> Comments and critiques are welcome!


	10. X: Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of abandonment issues, alcohol, anxiety, some spicy sexual tension, some healthy communication, ALSO it gets super meta.
> 
> Shoutout to my beta readers and my unofficial beta, Trevor!

After you untangle yourself from Loki, telling him you needed some time to mull things over. You were still heartbroken over the failure of your mission and the loss of the boy. You had so many questions you wanted to ask him, but your brain and body were so exhausted you couldn’t bring yourself to ask.

You had just finished your bath, and you were brushing out your wet hair when FRIDAY made an announcement. “Starshine, Stark has requested your presence in the lab.”

You groan, internally pondering what would happen if you just didn’t show up. You wanted to curl up in your bed and just wither away. Feeling yourself die did that to you. At least that’s what you told yourself. It definitely wasn’t the fact that you were starting to develop feelings in such a short time for a man you were supposed to hate. 

“Tell him I’ll be there in 5.”

You leave your room careful to take a route that has less traffic so you could avoid the others working around the tower. As your luck would have it, you ran into Loki on the way to the elevator. He steps inside with you, keeping a safe distance. The awkward silence clinging to the air. 

You didn’t know how to act around him outside of the confines of privacy. Should you hug him? No, you were definitely still hurt and upset with him. You really wanted to touch him, acknowledge what has transpired between the two of you. But instead, you stood in the elevator awkwardly, avoiding any form of contact. 

You feel something brush your hand. Looking down, you see Loki’s hand brush against yours again. When you look up at his face, it’s unfazed, staring straight ahead. You feel a blush creep up your neck, staining your cheeks a warm red. 

The doors open, and you both walk down the hallway; you let your hand occasionally brush against Loki’s, acknowledging his presence. He was unsure how you would react to his touch, but he felt warmth spread across him when you didn’t pull away.

The only chance he had at getting out of here unscathed, hopefully with you, was to play nice and earn Stark’s trust. Thor had mentioned the relocation to Norway was going well, but Loki had a sinking feeling that there was more behind the scenes than Thor was letting on. He wanted to go himself, and he hoped to go without a babysitter. 

Walking through the doors, you saw Tony tinkering with a new suit. He looked up from his station to stop tinkering, and his eyes met yours and flickered to Loki’s. You noticed how close you were standing to Loki. To others, your proximity should look unnatural, but it felt safe to you. Loki had somehow joined the small group of people you allowed to invade your personal space.

The lab floors are laid in gray tiles. The ceiling has a fluorescent grid structure. The silver tables around the room are covered in the organized chaos of parts.

“You look like shit, kid.”

“Well, it’s been a shit day. What do you want?”

“Someone slept on the wrong side of the bed.” You flushed at his words, remembering _the person’s_ bed you slept in last night was standing right next to you. 

“Wanted to talk to you about creating a new suit for you.”

“What’s wrong with my current one?” Tony gave you a pointed look; he was avoiding asking the question he really wanted to ask. 

“I think with your new abilities, you’ll bring a new level to the team. I want to run some tests and diagnostics on your powers as well. Same with you, Reindeer Games.” 

Tony is starting to make you uncomfortable. You still didn’t know about your powers, you barely had control of your own brain, you were in no place to control these newfound abilities. You shift awkwardly on your feet, your hands clenched together to your sides and jaw clenched.

You are starting to have another panic attack of the thoughts of worries. You wonder if Tony truly wanted to help you, or was he testing you?  _ Did he think you were a threat now? Even if he didn’t know about your association with a certain god, did he think you would turn on the team? Maybe the team would turn on you? _

Remembering he had to play nice with the man, Loki plasters on a fake smile. “So, you want me in the field?” 

Loki knew Stark had ulterior motives to these tests he wanted to run on both you and him. 

Stark rolls his eyes, making sure to be extra dramatic. 

“No. I don’t trust you, and let me remind you. You’re here under my protection. No one knows you’re here with the Asgardians, which is why I hold the key to the lock on your chains. One word from me, and you will be sent to the Raft.”

Stark is reminding Loki of the power he held over him. Loki is already two steps ahead and smiled mischievously; of course, Stark would take the bait. 

Loki takes another step ahead of Stark. “Is that why you’re making yourself a new suit?” He says, pointing to the piece in Tony’s hands. “You’re worried I’ll run or turn on you at the first opportunity?” 

Loki is voicing, only more stoically, the same concerns that are running through your own head. _ If you lost control of your powers, would the team turn on you? _ You have no doubts they would turn on Loki if given a chance.  _ Where would that leave you? _

Again, Stark takes the bait. “I would be an idiot not to think that you hold any loyalty to anyone other than yourself.”

Tony’s words make you uncomfortable and bristle. You barely know anything about Loki; you had no idea where his loyalties truly lied.  _ Better yet, where did your own loyalties lie? _

Loki’s jaw clenches slightly as Stark mentions his loyalty. His loyalty had lied with himself and his own interests but you, standing next to him, reminds him of his commitments to you.

Tony watches as your thoughts begin to fall into a pit of darkness, noticing the golden glow around your hands. He doesn’t know what to expect from you, but he can tell something is different with you. 

Your insecurities became too much for you to stay quiet. Growing up without a family, your abandonment issues and trust issues are starting to show. “Is that why you’re testing me? You don’t trust me anymore.” 

The last part is not a question, rather a statement. 

Tony sighs, “I should’ve spoken to you two separately. Kid, you know we aren’t going to leave you behind, right?”

While the attention is off Loki, he begins his calculations. Scenarios playing out in his mind as he observed the lab. He’d already seen your hands glow, so he knows his plan would work.

“How do I know that, Tony. From what you just said, you’re questioning loyalties.” You took the comment about loyalties too personally, and Tony doesn’t know what to make of it. 

“I’m not questioning your loyalties, Y/N. Do you want my help or not?”

You grunt in annoyance. “I guess, but Loki goes first. I don’t know how to use my power anyways.” You shrug your shoulders and look away from the prying eyes. 

“Alright, princess, follow me this way.” Tony stands up and motions for Loki to follow him. Loki grunts and takes a few steps before he stops.

“You said you wanted a demonstration?” Loki’s lips quirk up as a wolfish grin spreads across his face. 

“Not yet!” Tony yells, but it’s too late. Loki draws his daggers.

On impulse, Tony throws his hand out, calling a part of his suit. Loki’s instincts scream at him to attack before the suit is assembled, but he knows he needs to lose this. It’s part of the plan. He doesn’t plan on showing his full strength and ability.

“Alright, Daddy Issues, show me what you got.” Stark taunts Loki. His ego is just big enough he doesn’t think twice to analyze Loki’s hesitation. 

You’ve seen Loki spar with Thor. You hadn’t done extensive research, but you knew he used his speed and rarely hesitated. Yet, the fight is wrong. It doesn’t feel right watching Loki dodge Stark’s hits. 

As you stand in shock watching the two fight, you start feeling a surge of adrenaline—the heat of watching a duel taking over your body. You make eye contact for a brief second with Loki as he ducks one of Stark’s blasts, the lab now a complete mess. 

Tony makes another taunting jab at Loki. Loki smirks at you with a sparkle in his eye. They glimmer greener than his usually blue-green.

In a split-second decision, you hold your hands out to the two dodging each other. The golden glow of light sparkles out, rendering Loki and Tony immovable. 

“Stop it!” Your eyes are glowing again, and as Tony looks at you, he speaks loudly. “Friday, you getting this?” 

Realization of what you did hit you suddenly, looking at the expressionless mask of Iron Man and the wolfish grin of the god of chaos. Dropping your arms letting the two men fall to the ground. You turn and run out before either could say anything else. 

Tony disassembles the suit with the full intention of running after you, but as his suit comes apart, he already sees Loki running to the door. 

Loki turns around to Stark and pauses in the doorframe. “Did you get what you needed?” 

Stark remains standing, staring at the now empty doorway as Loki disappears, running after you. 

Once in the elevator, you begin pushing the button to the roof quickly, trying to get the door to close faster. 

The doors begin to close as a pale hand reaches through, making the doors open again. Tears running down your cheeks, you stare at ocean eyes. You feel like you have no control anymore and a part of you feels manipulated. 

Loki’s grin falters as he looks at your face. He wants to tell you that he didn’t mean for it to get out of control, but that was exactly what he planned. He needed you to be the one to end the fight. He just didn’t know how much it would hurt you to do it. The realization only then dawning on him.

You turn your face down as Loki steps into the elevator, and the doors close behind him. 

Loki’s hand comes up to grip your chin, but you smack his hand away, tears still streaming down your face, “don’t.” 

You fight the internal struggle, wanting to fall into Loki’s arms while simultaneously wanting to throw him out of this damn elevator. 

The elevator begins its ascent. Loki’s voice is quiet, and you feel his breath hit your hair. “Sigyn, look at me.”

“Don’t call me that.” 

You can smell him, fresh pine and leather—his intoxicating scent clouding your judgment. 

Loki’s breathing hitches as he looks down at your tear-stained cheeks, your body shaking from your erratic breathing. The ascent is silent as Loki fights the urge to pull you to him and hold you in his arms. 

The doors finally open, and without making eye contact, you brush past Loki onto the roof, letting the warm golden glow pull your breath through your nose and exhaling out your mouth. You close your eyes, turning to Loki as he slowly, calculatedly, makes his way out of the elevator. 

Your eyes meet his, and you feel your heartbreak and mend itself on a loop as you get lost in the waves that beat around in his ocean eyes. 

He senses you need control in this conversation, so he waits for you to make the first move. He watches as you turn away from him again and walk to the spot he found you in the night before. He wonders if this is how it will always be between you and him: you running. He hopes it’s to run toward him and not away like you had just done. 

You look over at the small lake that sits behind the compound, the green trees surrounding it. Staring at the view, your breathing has returned to normal. You feel Loki approach you, but you continue to stare out at the lake. 

“You lied.” 

Loki visibly cringes next to you, opening his mouth and then closing it again.

“You told me you would never lie to me,” your voice waivers. “I was an idiot for trusting you, God of  _ Lies _ .”

You turn toward him, his eyes stare back at you. 

“You told me I was foolish to think you are incapable of loving me, but do you know what I really am? I’m foolish for actually believing you.” 

Your words cut through Loki like a knife to his heart. 

You begin walking away, with no plan for a destination, as long as it is away from where you stand now. 

A hand grabs your wrist as you brush past Loki. 

“Let me explain.” 

You turn your body the rest of the way so you can face Loki. “No. Loki, I’m done. I’ve had enough explanations today from you. You used me, and you lied. You did the one thing you promised not to do.”

Loki’s eyes plead with yours; when he speaks, he tells the truth, at least his version of it. “You’re right, I used you, but I didn’t lie.”

“Omission of the truth is still a lie. You threw the fight. You hesitated. You wanted  _ me _ to end it. To use my powers. You made me lose control; you don’t get to-“

“I needed his trust, and in the process, I betrayed yours.” 

You sigh, looking back out at the water, crossing your arms over your chest to hug yourself. “Why? You knew I hated myself for losing control, and you used it against me.” 

Loki gently presses his hand to your waist, making you drop your arms. When you look up at him, you feel his hand come down to yours. He intertwines his fingers with yours. You allow him to, barely holding on to his embrace. The guilt of his actions and hurting you betray his cold exterior. 

“Stark doesn’t trust me enough to leave here. Thor said that something doesn’t feel right in Norway. That the scales of magic are unbalanced.” 

Your abandonment triggers.  _ He wants to leave you.  _ Your heart clenches at the thought.  _ When did you become so dependent on Loki?  _

“So, you thought you would use me? Leave me behind.” 

“I threw the fight because I knew you would use your powers to end it. Stark would see you can restrain me. Yes, I used you.” 

He didn’t answer the question you wanted to know the answer to the most.  _ Would he leave you behind? _

“You left me once, and I died because of it!”

“I was trying to protect you!”

You jerk your hand away from his, stepping closer till you’re chest to chest. Your face inches away from his. 

“AND YOU FAILED! Just like you’re doing now, and you’re going to leave me,  _ again _ .”

You step back only to be crowded by Loki peering down at you. His face is just as close as before.

“You foolish woman! I was going to ask you to come with me. That is why I threw the fight! So, that Stark would trust  _ you  _ to watch me, to come with me when Thor requests my presence in Norway. I  _ knew _ Stark would say no unless someone came with me. I want him to  _ choose _ you to do it. If I tell him I need you, that I can’t bear the thought of being without you,  _ he _ holds power to take you away from me.”

_ He was going to ask you to come with him. He needs you.  _

Loki leans back, so his face isn’t as close to yours. You catch his eyes staring at your lips. “Would you have gone through with it if I had told you my plan?” 

You breathe loudly, exhaling through your mouth. Your body shrinks in on itself. “I don’t know, but that was my choice to make, and you took it from me.” 

His eyes flick back to yours. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Loki loathed apologizing and admitting when he was wrong. You took that carefully built wall that surrounded him and took a sledgehammer to it last night when you came to him. Just as you did a hundred years ago in your past life.

“How am I supposed to trust you, Loki?” 

_ You shouldn’t,  _ he thinks.  _ He doesn’t deserve you.  _

“I want to know the rest. I want… I want my memories back. I can’t keep running around in circles anymore. It hurts too much.” 

“Then come with me to Norway. I don’t know how to get them back, but there are people there who can help us.” 

You hesitate to mull over his words in your head.  _ Silvertongue _ ,  _ he’s only telling you what you want to hear. He will just use you again _ . You push that little voice back in your head, and for the first time in a long time, you choose to follow your heart.  _ He wants you, needs you. _

“If I go, you have to promise me you won’t use me again.”

Loki nods his head in confirmation. 

“Say it. I want you to say the words.” 

“I, Loki, promise you, my love, that I will not use you or manipulate you.” 

“Thank you.” 

Loki smiles at you genuinely.

“Don’t think you're off the hook. I’ve had an absolutely shit week because of this.” Your hands move around the area between you and Loki. “I’m too exhausted to keep being mad with everyone and myself.”

Loki’s heart hurt at your words, but there was still the sliver of hope he saw in your eyes that made it worth it. 

“Will you come to my room again tonight?”

You break eye contact staring out over the trees. 

“I sleep better with you.”

Your eyes meet his as your head whips at his emission. You drop your gaze to his lips, noticing a slight quiver in his bottom lip. When your eyes meet back up to his, you see his eyes are also staring at your lips. You lick your lips, subconsciously pulling your bottom lip into your mouth to bite it. 

You nod your head, taking another inch forward as Loki pulls you closer to him. Your lips barely a hair’s width away from touching when a loud clearing of a throat behind you halts your movement. 

Loki draws back, eyes glaring over your shoulder at an awkward Bruce Banner. 

“Um… I’m going to pretend I didn’t see anything. Y/N, Stark is looking for you.”

You hadn’t officially met the doctor, too caught up in your own dramatic soap opera you called life. Loki knows better than to poke at Banner. He learned the hard way what his green friend thought of Loki, a  _ puny god _ . 

You turn around as Loki steps beside you, nodding at Bruce. “Thanks, I’ll come down in a minute.”

Bruce takes that as his dismissal turns, walking hurriedly and awkwardly away from you and Loki. Once Bruce is out of earshot, you speak up. 

“So, what’s the plan?”

Loki is taken back by your question, raising a brow to peer down at you. You elaborate. “You want Tony to be the one to ask me to go to Norway, right? So, how do we convince him.”

_ It was just like old times, _ Loki thinks to himself. A sly grin widening on his face, his eyes glinting a little more green than usual. He told you of his plan, allowing you to provide input and make your own choices. 

“Why can’t Thor just suggest I go with you?”

The thought has crossed his mind, but he knew Stark well enough that if the idea came to himself, he would choose that route over anyone else’s opinion.

“Stark has too big of an ego. He won’t like the idea coming from someone who isn’t himself.”

You nod, agreeing with him. 

“Remember, don’t suggest it yourself, and  _ try _ to act like you don’t want to come at all.”

You nod your head again, chewing the inside of your cheek. You weren’t exactly comfortable with manipulating Tony, but the idea of finding answers about your past took priority. 

“Alright, let’s do this.”

Loki presses a soft kiss to your forehead. You pull away from him and begin walking to the elevator. Once in the elevator, you push the button for the lab, a soft smile on your lips as you watch Loki’s form from a distance.

Once back in the lab, you look around. It is a total mess; Tony is bent over picking up parts. You walk over to him, squatting next to him to help.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose control and run off like that.”

“It’s okay, kid. I pressured you to show me your powers and let Rock of Ages agitate me.”

You chuckle, genuinely, at the nickname. Tony had changed a lot since that Parker kid showed up. 

“You’re different, Tony.”

You place the parts on a table as Tony stands next to you. 

“I could say the same about you, kid.”

You shrug your shoulders, agreeing with him.

“If you don’t want a new suit, you don’t have to get a new one. I know how attached you are to that green monstrosity.”

“Green monstrosity? Tony, you’re the one that designed it.”

“You could start using your wings again.”

“I don’t think Sam would appreciate me stealing his thunder.” You pause, remembering to play up to Tony’s ego. “Design me a suit, and I will  _ think _ about it.” 

Tony smiles. “Where’d you run off to anyway?”

You return the smile, albeit a forced one. “The usual.”

“Roof?”

“My little secret isn’t very well kept.”

“Nothing stays quiet around here. I swear it’s like managing a bunch of damn teenagers.”

“So, why did you want me to come back?”

“I think you could use a vacation.”

You quirk an eyebrow, the plan going out the window as you knew Tony had already thought of the idea himself. You will still play your part, though.

“Is this… because of the failed mission?” You fake your voice quivering as much as you could, breaking eye contact with Tony.

“No, no. Kid,” Tony sighs, “the Asgardians are settling into the village. I wanted to see if you wanted to go. Get away from all of this for a little bit. I thought about sending Sam, but I think you need this.”

Tony still hadn’t mentioned Loki; you were trying to figure out what to say next when Tony interrupts your thoughts. “There  _ is  _ a catch.”

You roll your eyes. “Isn’t there always?”

“Reindeer Games goes with you.” 

“You’re letting him off the leash?”

“More like handing Rudolph’s reins to you.”

“So, I’m Santa in this situation?”

“I saw what you did. You were able to restrain him, both of us actually.”

“Tony, I told you I don’t know how to control it.”

“The other option is Banner, and he’s still fighting with the Hulk. I also don’t think he’d be able to restrain the brat without causing harm to the village.”

You let out a moan, trying to act like you totally didn’t want to go away with Loki.

“Why me, besides just my newfound powers?”

“He likes you.”

You hold back a smile, pretending to feign ignorance. “How would you know?”

“Doesn’t take a genius to know that Tall, Dark, and Brooding has a soft spot for someone. Especially after he gets caught holding her trying to break into her room.”

You look away, your body betraying you as a warm blush heats up your cheeks.

“Why are you  _ really _ sending me away?”

“Thor requested Loki’s presence. He mentioned something about the scales of magic being tipped. Whatever it is, some wibbly wobbly timey shit.”

You let out a fake groan. “Fine, I’ll go. Only because I’ve never been to Norway,  _ and _ because I heard they were able to smuggle some Asgardian alcohol in.”

“Damn alcoholic.”

“That’s rich coming from you!”

“Are you sure you’re okay about this? You’ve had a meltdown nearly every day this week, and if you’re not ready, I can send someone else.”

“No, I mean, maybe they’ll be able to help me with my dreams? Did you meet that one guy? Heimdall? He seems to have some insight. Might as well try to get something out of this trip other than free booze.”

Tony quirks an eyebrow up at you.  _ Shit, maybe you came off too eager. _ You decide to cut off Tony’s thoughts. “When do Rudolph and I leave?”

“Tomorrow afternoon, I’ll have Feathers prep the Quinjet for you both and fly you over.”

You nod. “How long?”

Tony grunts. “Not sure. Few days maybe? A week?”

“Well, I hope I can get some sightseeing in.” Tony shakes his head at you. You come off playfully. “What? You’re the one that said I could use a vacation. Even if I have to play Santa during it.”

After your talk with Tony, your stomach begins to grumble.  _ Fuck, when was the last time you ate? _

Knowing you will see Loki later that evening, you head to the kitchen to make yourself a sandwich. When you enter the kitchen, you spot Nat leaning on the counter. She looks up at you.

You begin pulling out supplies to make a sandwich. 

“Want one?”

“Sure.”

After eating your sandwiches in silence, the awkward tension becomes overwhelming.

You shake your head. “Why are you avoiding asking the question you want to ask?

Nat shrugs, “Take it from me, someone who doesn’t want to open up shouldn’t be forced into it.”

“I appreciate it.”

Nat smirks, quirking an eyebrow. She makes her way to the cooler, stocked with wine. She turns around with a bottle in hand. “I think a distraction is in order.”

You hum in acknowledgment. “You’re not the only one to think that. Tony is sending me to Norway with Emo Space Prince.”

“Let me guess, he called it a vacation?”

You chuckle as you watch Nat uncork the wine and bring two glasses out of the cabinet, filling the glasses with the sweet white wine. 

“Yes, he did. I absolutely plan on going sightseeing too. Never been to Norway.”

You both walk out of the kitchen settling into the lounge area, and begin flipping through the channels.

“I prefer vodka, but since you promised me a wine night, I will suffer through.”

After several minutes pass, still not finding anything to watch, Nat asks, “Have you seen that new Kong movie yet?”

“Not yet. Isn’t that one actor in it, though? The one with the pretty eyes?”

“Yes, he is.” She winks at you.

You toss the remote to her. “Pull it up, let’s get to watching that beautiful man.”

As the British Captain uses a blade to cut down the flying creatures, you finally speak. Well, past the point of tipsy now after the second bottle is halfway gone by this point. “I’m not saying I’m into knife play; however, if  [ James Conrad ](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c8/ac/3a/c8ac3a52820a74086ac65c486d0f742f.jpg) was into it, I would totally let him tie me up with those suspenders and let him have his way with me.”

Nat begins bursting into a fit of giggles. Her calm, collected demeanor is gone while the two of you ogle the captain on screen.

The ending credits of the movie roll, and your body is humming. Your giggles and lewd comments whenever that actor was on screen finally subsided. 

Wanda walks past before turning back around and seeing you curled tightly in a blanket lazily talking loudly about your times in the Air Force and that one time Sam got plastered at a bar after a mission, and you and Riley had to carry him back.

You see Wanda sit down next to you on the couch.

Before she says anything to you, she turns to Nat. “You got her drunk.”

Nat shrugs, “she is fully capable of doing that on her own. I just didn’t want her to do it alone.”

“‘Cuse me? This was  _ your _ idea.” Giving a pointed glare to Nat.

Wanda smiles at you. “Got enough wine for one more person?”

You giggle back, “Absolutely.” You look over at Nat. Even in your drunken state, your doubt your ability to open the wine. Even using the electric corkscrew seemed impossible to you. Nat gets the message and stands to grab another bottle, leaving you and Wanda alone in the lounge.

“Are you feeling any better after last night?”

Your brain is trying to figure out what she knows. Did she know that you spent the night with Loki? That you are planning on returning again tonight. Your drunken state makes it hard for your brain to catch up to the quizzical look Wanda is currently giving you.

“After your panic attack? Did you at least try to get some rest?”

_ Oh, she was around for that.  _ You don’t remember seeing her, but Tony had mentioned an audience while Loki tried getting into your room.

“Um, yeah. Itwuzfine. Loki took me to muh room after he found m’on the roof.”

“I know, FRIDAY still isn’t letting him enter your room. I found him holding you trying to get in there. I took you from him after he insisted he didn’t want to leave your side. He’s so damn stubborn, I swear.”

“Oh, Tony told’m’bout his tantrum with the door and the AI.” 

Nat strides back in, another bottle and glass in hand.

“I still don’t trust him.” There’s virulence to Wanda’s voice that almost sounds like jealousy.

Nat begins pouring a glass and handing it off to Wanda before topping off yours and hers. “It doesn’t matter if  _ we _ don’t trust him, Wanda. It’s up to Y/N. If she trusts him, then we should give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter if  _ we  _ don’t trust him? He lives here for fucksake.”

“People didn’t trust me when I came and worked for SHIELD. It wasn’t until I had Fury’s trust that others started trusting me either. It’s not that different. If Y/N can trust him, then so should we.”

Wanda rolls her eyes.

“If you guys are done acting like u’m not here, can we go back to the  _ reason _ ‘m’here? Distraction? ‘member?”

The two girls smile and nod at you and let you put on Netflix. 

After a few hours pass, you feel the buzzing glow around you and a dopey laugh falling from your lips while watching Michael Scott fall into a koi pond. The smells of pizza lure the three of you out of the lounge.

You’re shocked to see Tony and Loki chest to chest arguing, making your way into the kitchen.

Your sudden appearance makes Loki’s gaze fall away from Tony. Your drunk stupor is not in the mood to dissolve whatever the hell is happening between the two men. But then you remember the plan. It had gone off without a hitch, so why are Loki and Tony face to face?

Loki immediately moves away from Tony to walk over to you, but Tony’s hand presses against his chest to stop him.

“Take your hands off me before I break them. Now.” Loki’s voice is stern and dripping at a pitch low in his chest.

You roll your eyes, walking to the other side of the kitchen island, your site set on the cooler stocked with wine.

Your life is starting to feel more and more like a shitty soap opera, and you find your drunk self giggling over the thought. You hear Tony cut in as your hand finds a bottle of wine. “Y/N, you’re cut off.”

“What!?”

“Take it from me, kid. Alcohol isn’t gonna fix your problems.”

“When did you become such a buzzkill?”

Loki makes his way over to your side while Stark is distracted to grab the glass out of your hand. He turns around to the sink and begins pouring water into it.

Your stare off with Tony didn’t even make you realize Loki’s appearance until he placed the water down in front of you.  _ Shit, maybe you were a little too drunk. You didn’t even notice him leaving Tony’s side or him taking the glass from your hands. _

Nat noticing the standoff between Tony and Loki, diffuses the situation. “Alright, cowboys, holster your guns, let’s eat.” 

After you finish eating with the team, Tony brings up some ideas for your new suit’s design.

“Tony, I told you I would  _ think  _ about it. Stilldon’tknowhowmypowerswork.” You say, slurring your words slightly.

Wanda overhearing the conversations, offers her help. “Starshine, I can help you. Your powers may not be that different from mine.” 

Loki had placed his hand on your thigh earlier during the meal, and you feel his fingers tighten his grip when Wanda offers her help. Loki remains silent, glaring at Wanda.

Sighing, you place your elbows on the table and let your head fall into your hands. When you look up, your eyes catch Sam.

Sam had been unusually quiet towards you during the meal, his eyes glaring a hole straight through his pizza. 

You glance back over at Wanda and smile, starting to feel a bit less drunk and significantly more tired. “Thank you, Wanda. We can start when I get back from Norway.”

Sam finally speaks up, “I still don’t understand why Starshine has to go.”

“Thor  _ insisted  _ on Loki’s presence and seeing how Bruce is unavailable, she’s the only one who can do it.”

Sam’s voice is stern, still refusing to make eye contact with you. “Still doesn’t answer my question. Why her?”

You interrupt the argument. “Seriously, y’all are awful at acting like I’m not sittin’ right here.”

You sigh and stand up from the table, brushing Loki’s hand off your leg, his ocean eyes following your movements. 

You turn to Nat and Wanda, thanking them for giving you a girl’s night. Your eyes glaze over to Sam, content to say nothing as he doesn’t even look up to meet you.  _ What the fuck is his problem? _

Turning to Tony, “ _ See you later _ , I’m out.” You give a half-wave and make your way to your bedroom. You hear lithe footsteps following behind you. 

Sighing, you turn around before you reach your door. The hallway was dimmed due to the late hour, but you could still makeout Loki’s form. It’s now crowding your space as your back hits the door. Your breath hitches as he towers over you, waiting for him to speak. 

Instead of speaking, Loki holds his tongue as he stares at your lips. Your voice breaks off his train of thought. “You can’t come in.”

“I’ll wait.”

You nod your head and open the door looking back over your shoulder as you watch Loki’s gaze follow your movements around the room. After leaving the table, the air has shifted between the two of you. The food and water had sobered you up, but you are still in no state to make reliable decisions or efficiently think about the change. 

Grabbing your oversize nightshirt and a pair of sleep shorts, you step into your bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You change into your clothes, brush your teeth, wash your face, the usual night routine that you’ve been sorely neglecting this week. You may be drunk, but at least drunk you was thoughtful of sober you.

You make your way out of the bathroom, making eye contact with Loki as he leans on the door frame watching you. You grab your socks from your drawer and sit on the bed, putting them on.

Loki watches you futter about your room; his thoughts stray to the loose shirt you wear. He couldn’t help but grin at the thought of you wearing his clothes, or maybe even none of them.

“You don’t have to escort me, you know?”

You and Loki begin walking to his room, your feet dragging. Loki stops and stares at you before you find your feet leaving the ground, and you’re being hurled over Loki’s shoulder. You lightly smack his back. 

“Loki put me down.”

Loki places a smack on your butt that's thrown over your shoulder. Your mouth opening in shock of his action and the fresh wave arousal that pools in you.

“Should’ve thought about that before you decided to get drunk.”

“Loki, someone might see.”

Loki somehow manages to open the door, and you find yourself back in his room, the jostling causing you to feel nauseous. “Loki put me down; I don’t feel good.”

He gently places you on the bed, and you watch him walk away into the bathroom, the room spinning around you.

Your mind is clouded by liquid courage and a sudden throbbing need as you watch Loki emerge from the bathroom shirtless and holding a glass of water out for you. You take the water from him, your eyes staring at his lean, chiseled torso. You hear him chuckle, and a warm heat creeps up your neck, and you divert your eyes.

You crawl on the bed as Loki turns around, pulling out a black v neck from his drawers. You set the glass on the nightstand, noticing the clock you threw earlier that day was now intact. You feel guilt wash over you as you feel the bed dip next to you. 

“I’m sorry about my reaction earlier today… when I threw the clock.”

“I know.” You give Loki a quirk of the eyebrow.  _ He knew you were sorry? How? _

As if he could read your mind, “You’re not subtle at hiding things that go on in that pretty little head of yours as you think you are.”

Feeling the need to change the subject, you say, “so you think I’m pretty?”

Loki leans in close to you, a smile wide on his face. “Darling, the stars in the night sky don’t come close to how beautiful you are.”

He moves his hand, so it cups your face. Closing your eyes, you wait for the soft press of his lips. You feel his breath fan over your face.

His lips finally close the distance and find their ways to yours. You can feel he is holding back. Your body aches to feel more of him.

You take command of the kiss to deepen it. Your hand grips his chin, silently begging him for more. His mouth opens, and the intensity of the kiss overwhelms you. Your tongues fight for dominance. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire. You need more. 

You move your leg over and straddle his lap and bring your chest flush to his. Your arms wrap around his neck, keeping his body against yours. His hands travel down from your cheeks to your sides, finding your hips where they venture to your ass, and he begins to knead. 

You feel the wetness begin pooling in your panties as you feel a growing heat and pressure on your core. You start rocking into him, feeling him grow hard beneath you while you illicit soft moans from him. You feel a sense of pride bubble in you as your touch begins unraveling him.

His mouth moves from yours, where he nips and kisses your jaw, down to your neck. A soft cry escapes from you when he finds the spot under your ear. You feel his breath hot on your ear, making you shiver. 

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, little one.”

You pant heavily into his own ear, feeling him shiver underneath you. “Hmm, isn’t that your job? To get me to finish?” You whisper seductively into his ear.

He pulls back and gently grips your jaw so you can look into his ocean eyes, a smirk playing on his lips. “As much as I would love to ravish you and watch you come undone,” you begin to deflate as he continues, “I do not think you are ready for that.” He sees the hurt in your eyes at his rejection. 

You’re slightly angered at him. It’s your body, and your body craves his touch. You want to feel him, every part of him. Feeling the bulge pressed against your core, you rock your hips in one last effort. 

You let out an exaggerated moan letting your head tip back, “ _ Loki _ , your body tells me differently.” Your drunken courage becomes cartoonish.

His hands grip your hips firmly, ceasing your movements. He laughs, the vibrations jolting through your body. His eyes catch yours, and you feel yourself begin to drown in his ocean eyes, smiling back at him.

You relent, not wanting to push your luck; you rarely had moments like these, where your heartfelt content and happiness. You feel bliss in his presence, and you lean in, giving him a chaste kiss to his lips.

You fall into his chest, pushing him down, so his back hits the bed, your legs tangled with his. You let out a soft sigh listening to his heartbeat. His hands come up and stroke small circles on your back. 

As you drift off to sleep, focusing on his heart and his breathing, you faintly hear him whisper, “I feel it too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is nearly 7k words. I thought about splitting it in two but considering the next few chapters will also be this length I decided against it.  
> I hate writing fight scenes, but spice scenes? Yes pls.
> 
> I mapped how this story arc ends and how the next one begins. I am so excited to get really into some plot (and some smut soon.) I think you will like it as I'm introducing a comic character that truly deserves more love. Starshine's personality is going to start showing a lot more and she's gonna cry less, i promise.
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter and what do you think is gonna happen in Norway >.<


	11. XI: Something Strange

You wake up just as the morning sun begins to rise. The soft glow of the sun is unbearable to the pounding in your head as you open your eyes. You turn to the warm body in the bed, pressing your face into his neck, shielding yourself from the light.

You feel a hand curl into your side, bringing you closer into the warmth. You bring your leg up gently to drape his body; mindlessly, your hand comes up to the back of his neck, burying it between the pillow and the nape of his neck. You begin rubbing circles into his neck, your fingers detangling his hair.

You press your face further into his neck while letting your hand bring him closer. Your lips ghost over his skin. You hear a low grumble, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine, as you press a kiss to his neck.

You find resolve in action. Your mind has been so exhausted the last few days, you’re tired of fighting with everyone. You want to stay in this moment of carefree bliss, wrapped in Loki’s arms. The throbbing of your head has other plans.

Your voice is raspy from sleep. “Hmm, my head hurts.”

Loki’s hand gently strokes up and down the arm lying across his chest with your hand buried into his neck. “Then go back to sleep.”

You sigh, letting your breath hit his neck as your face is still buried into the crook where his neck meets his shoulder.

You grumble. “It’s too bright in here.”

Your mind, even though it’s throbbing, replays the events of last night. Your head turns to look up at Loki, catching sight of his strong jaw.

Your hand gliding over his high cheekbones to place a small swipe against his cheek. You bring your face up to admire his beauty. You giggle as you realize he looks like that actor Nat always gives you grief for having a crush on.

“Hmm, what’s funny?”

Your face falls back into the crook of his neck, and you smile. “Just remembering a funny comment that was made last night.” Your voice sounds muffled.

Loki peers down at you; the shift causes you to remove your face from its place, once again. “Tell me.” He says it gently, letting the raspiness of his refined voice send a shiver down you.

You bring your hand out from his neck, placing it on his chest so that you can rest your chin on it while looking up at him through your thick lashes—a mischievous grin on your face. You nervously shake your head.

“I said I’d be into knife play if a certain character in the movie we watched was into it… and that he could tie me up.” You blush profusely at the lewd comment.

Loki laughs, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Such a minx.”

You close your eyes, trying to block out the morning sun, mentioning again how it’s too bright in the room. Loki flicks his hand that rests on your forearm, and the room is clouded in dimmer light.

“Better?”

You hum and nod in agreement. Your thoughts turn to the standoff you saw between Loki and Tony, wondering if the plan had somehow changed. To say you weren’t eager to leave the compound would be a lie. You followed through on your end of the plan, so why had Loki agitated Tony?

“Why were you fighting with Tony? You said you’d play nice.”

Loki pauses, mulling over what he should say to you. “Ah, yes. He was threatening me...about you.”

You groaned.

“He said, and I quote, ‘Chip, Imma come at you like a spider monkey if you fuck with her.”

You laugh at the reference. Your voice becomes playful. “Why did you react? Aren’t you usually the ‘suffer in silence’ type?”

Loki hums at your pinpoint accuracy. Just like in your previous life, you saw through his mask, and you had barely spent any time with him in this one. He smiles, thinking of the time he gets to spend with you starting this afternoon. He realizes you’re still expecting an answer as he looks down at you.

“I was angry that he would presume my intentions were to harm you. My tongue got the better of me.”

“Hmm, Silvertongue. What  _ are _ your intentions?”

Loki shuffles you so he can see you more clearly. “I-“ He cuts himself off thinking of it. His voice is serious and warm. “I want to protect you.”

“I don’t need protecting.”

“Maybe, but I want to be that person for you.”

Your stomach flutters with butterflies, unsure if it’s from the hangover or from his declaration.

Still wrapped in his blankets and holding on comfortably, you inch up the bed so that your face is level with his. You pout your bottom lip and furrow your brows as your head throbs from the movement.

Loki smirks at you, understanding your silent request. You feel a coolness spread over your heated body and the nausea in your stomach is gone, and the pounding headache resides.

“Hmm, you have to teach me that one.”

“I thought you wanted the witch to teach you.”

“Aren’t you a witch? You certainly dress like one.”

You feel a vibration through your body as Loki groans. Sighing and leaning your cheek against Loki’s chest, you speak candidly. “Wanda just wants to help me; she’s been like a sister to me.”

“Sister is an interesting word to use.”

Your body tenses at the mention. You internally groan at the conversation you’ve been putting off for a while now. “I don’t… I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her about it.”

“So, you think she sees you as something else.”

You groan, deciding to speak candidly. “I don’t know the extent of her feelings, but yes. I do think she sees me as more. Besides, I think she might have a thing for Vision.”

Loki’s silence makes you uncomfortable, guilt waifs over you at the confession.

“Maybe it was mutual at one point, and I was just too ignorant to see it.” You feel Loki’s body tense under you, and his arms stop laying lazy patterns on your biceps. You notice his jaw is clenched, and his eyes are shut forcefully.

You continue speaking into his chest, afraid to look up at his face any longer. “I only want you. Even before I knew you, it’s always been you that I’ve been searching for.”

Loki feels warmth blossom in his chest. The bubble he’s created with you is far from perfect, but it’s on track to a future he once dreamed of when his eyes look down to see your angelic face laying on him. He continues his ministrations on your arm and sighs.

“You know I used to look for you? Before I knew it was you. Anytime I saw someone with blue eyes, I would search for this... connection. I didn’t find it until the day you came here. I was so angry when I saw you. I thought you were toying with me. I’d given up looking, and then there you were.”

“You don’t think I still am?”

You finally turn your head and bring it up, so it’s hovering over his face. Thinking about his actions the previous day, you wonder what Loki could possibly gain from toying with you anymore. “I don’t know, but you’re different than I thought you would be.”

“Does my reputation precede me?”

“I read your file. What you did in New York...”

The mention of the attack on New York makes Loki stiffen, he still has the tesseract, and he hasn’t told anyone. “I wasn’t in control of my actions; I was being manipulated.” Loki decides to change the subject quickly. “You said that’s when the nightmares started?”

“I always had the dreams. I never remembered them. As a kid, I would wake up just crying and screaming. I got bounced around between foster homes a lot. No one wanted a kid they couldn’t console. The dreams were just flashes, though. They weren’t pleasant or unpleasant, but they weren’t like the ones I have now.”

Loki brings his hand up to stroke your hair, urging you to continue.

“The dreams became nightmarish after the attack on New York; maybe your presence triggered them. I started remembering more details of the dreams after you arrived here a few days ago. I’m assuming your proximity triggered a lot of events for me the last few days.”

You sigh, and your hand begins mindlessly running patterns over Loki’s chest. His eyes are closed, and his brows furrowed. You bring your fingers between his brows and down the slope of his long nose before your fingers find their way to his lips, letting it linger over his bottom lip. Pulling yourself up, you replace your fingers with a peck to his lips.

You rest your forehead against his. “I don’t know what’s happening, Loki. You just...make me feel like I’m not alone anymore.”

Loki brings his hands up to your face, pulling you back down to meet his lips. He draws back from the kiss and whispers. “You’ve never been alone, my love.”

You glance over at the clock on his bedside, realizing how much you slept in.

“Shit! I still have to pack.” You jump out of his bed, intending to run to the door before his hand grabs yours before you get too far away. He tugs you back down and kisses you passionately.

He finally releases you. “I just wanted to kiss you again.”

You smile at Loki. “For someone who broods a lot, you’re such a sap.”

“Only for you, darling.”

You finally remove yourself from his bed, walking to the door. You pause in the door frame, looking up at Loki. You give him a smile. “Meet you at the hanger?”

Loki nods, and you set off on your way to your room with a huge dopey grin on your face.

**\------**

When you leave your room, dressed in your long leggings and an oversized long sleeve. Your eyes catch Sam across the hall, also leaving his room. His eyes see yours before he quickly turns back into his room.

Your feet carry to him before he can shut the door all the way, grabbing his bicep. 

“Sam, stop.”

He turns to you, for the first time in a while, Sam is silent. His usual joking self is staring down at you like a lost puppy.

“What’s wrong? Why are you-”

“Y/N. Cut the shit.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You and Loki.” You stare at Sam in shock. Your mind racing with thoughts of where this conversation is going.

You sigh, taking a step away from Sam’s piercing gaze. Leaning against the other side of the wall staring off down the hallway. You look out at the trees that wave in the distance through the window at the far end of the hallway. You cross your arms over your chest, caging yourself in. You feel incredibly small right now.

“What do you want me to say, Sam? He’s… he’s different. He’s not who I thought he would be. I’m not going to lie to you. He’s helping me with my dreams.” You look back up at Sam. Your usual cheerful friend is replaced with a look of hurt and concern.

“Can you tell me why this upsets you so much? I thought you would be happy for me.”

“I don’t want to see you get hurt. He doesn’t have the best track record, Starshine.”

You nod at Sam acknowledging his feelings. “He’s giving me a chance to make things not hurt anymore. I still don’t have all the answers. If you can’t trust him, then trust me. I’m still not recovered from the last mission, and I don’t want to go back out in the field until I have answers.”

“I do trust you, Y/N. But I’m not gonna stand by and watch you get hurt by him.”

“Sam, he’s not hurting me. You know he helped me out of the panic attack I had after the mission? He also showed me two of my… Well, I guess past memories since he’s been here.”

Sam stares at you; he lets out a soft groan, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Wanda told me he was holding you. I didn’t think he… fuck Y/N. I don’t know what to think of it. How do you know he’s not trying to make you into something you’re not?”

“I don’t know, Sam. I’ve had these dreams for as long as I can remember. Fuck. I have fucking superpower magic! What the hell am I supposed to think? You’ve known me for years, Sam. You know I don’t trust easily or let people in. With Loki, there’s this pull. It’s like this connection has always been there. I just needed to find the other end of the string.”

Sam continues staring down at you, a look of hurt in his eyes.

“You believed Steve when he came to you about Bucky. Hell, a few months after you recruited me, you left and followed up on every lead you could find on Bucky! Why can’t you believe me when it comes to Loki?”

“It’s different. He knew what he did was wrong, yet he did it anyway.”

“No, Sam. It isn’t. I don’t know the full story, but Loki said he wasn’t in control of his actions. That he was being manipulated.”

“Of course he would say that, Y/N! He’s the God of Lies!”

“Yes, he is, and Bucky was the Winter Soldier. Yet, you still stood by him because Steve asked you to trust him. Why is it so much harder to trust me? I was your friend long before I became an Avenger, Sam. I think you owe me this much.”

“Y/N, you know I trust you. You’re my best friend.”

“Hell yeah, I am! So trust me on this.”

Sam sighs, crossing his arms.

“Can we make a deal?” You ask.

Sam nods at you raising a brow.

“You know how much I hate talking while running, but I’m willing to compromise. If you join me on my run, I’ll tell you what answers I do have so far. You wanted me to talk to you about my dreams… so, what do you say?”

He was already planning on going for a run before he saw you, so he’s already ready to go.

“Please don’t make me do 10 miles. I was sore for days.”

“Okay, okay. Five sound good?”

Sam groans and chuckles. You can tell he’s somewhat forcing his demeanor, but you smile nonetheless.

As you and Sam walk to the stairs that lead to the back door of the compound, you begin to recap your moments with Loki and the memories he’s shown you. Making sure to leave out the more intimate parts.

“So, wait. Loki already knew Tony would ask you to come with him to Norway?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, I gave him hell for it. Like I said, he’s different.”

You and Sam had just finished your run and found yourself standing in the kitchen, each of you holding a bottle of cool water. Your typical banter had returned, and you had a good feeling about today. You’d successfully managed to not fall apart, and your head definitely felt more level.

“I’ll give him credit; his cat prank on Tony was delightful. Star, I have to ask… with how much wine you drank last night, how the hell are you not throwing up?”

“Oh, believe me, I woke up with a raging headache. Wine hangovers are the worst. But Loki used his witchy powers to get rid of it this morning.”

Sam leans against the granite countertop and raises an eyebrow at you. You didn’t tell Sam you had stayed the night with Loki again last night. You only had told him of the first time you found yourself outside the god’s door.

“Should I be expecting little dark-haired gremlins running amok?” Sam states teasingly.

“Sam! Oh my gosh!” You begin flustering around words rambling on. “It’s not. We haven’t done anything!”

Sam laughs, teasing you.

“You forget I’ve seen you drunk, Star. You’re clingy.”

“Ew, literally never call me clingy again.”

Sam throws his hands up in mock defeat. “Whatever you say,  _ clingy _ .”

You roll your eyes, shaking your head. “I’m going to go shower and pack now. See you in a few?”

“Sounds good; I’ll come by your room.”

**\------**

When you returned to your room, you showered and finished getting ready. You grabbed your black jeans, a long pewter green cable knit sweater, and your leather jacket. Looking in the mirror, satisfied with your look, you brush out your hair, opting to leave it down for a change. You grab your boots and finish packing the last of your bags.

Sam knocks on your door, and you open it and let him grab your bags, which you thoroughly over packed.

“Do you seriously need all this shit?”

You shrug. “Probably not, but I seriously don’t even know how long we will be gone.”

“I don’t like leaving you alone with him.”

“Sam, we talked about this.”

“Yeah, yeah! I’m still allowed to not like it.”

“Besides, Thor will be there as well as that Valkyrie and the others.”

Sam only grunts in response. You and Sam make your way out of your room to the hanger, where you find Loki waiting.

Loki smiles at you, but it falters when he looks at Sam.

“Stand down, Loki. I told him.”

Loki furrows his brows as you and Sam walk past him to board the Quinjet. While Sam runs the pre-flight checks, you place your bags in the cargo hold and take a seat. Loki comes next to you and sits down.

“Loki, I know we should keep this on the down-low before we find answers, but please don’t be mad at me. Sam’s my best friend, and I couldn’t stand him being mad at me.”

Loki turns his body towards you in his seat. “I’m not mad.”

You hum as you stare into his ocean eyes. “Mind telling me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours then, darling.”

Loki grins at you and teases you. “So, you think I’m pretty?”

You grin at Loki as he uses your own words to tease you.

Your mood, significantly lighter than it has been the last few days, causes Loki to smile at you. He shakes his head as you hear footsteps approach the pair of you.

You turn your head to the sound of the steps but not before Loki takes your hand and pulls you to his himself and kisses you forcefully. You open your mouth, melting into the kiss while smiling against his lips.

Sam clears his throat, forcing you and Loki to part. Loki grins widely at you before turning to glare daggers at Sam. A look, you miss as you’ve already turned to look at Sam.

“Star, you think you could be my co-pilot?”

“Yeah! Yeah, um, of course.”

Your cheeks are tinged pink, and you fluster a little around your words as you stand up and follow Sam into the cockpit.

“Oh my gosh! We haven’t done anything!” Sam raises his voice to mock your earlier statement.

He smiles at you shaking his head. “Can’t believe you wanted him in prison just a week ago, and now you’re locking lips with him. You sure we shouldn’t be setting up cribs and shit in the compound?”

“Har har. Hilarious, Sam. A resident jokester. Besides, even if we had done anything, you can guarantee there would be no offspring. I’m on-“

“Lahalahaladada, I don’t want to know.”

“Oh, I was just going to say I have an IUD.”

“I don’t want to think about you and Loki. Oh god, now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

You and Sam stare at each other, bursting into a fit of giggles as the two of you calm down enough to begin to take off preparations.

**\------**

As the Quinjet begins its descent into Norway, you look over the dash port watching as the stunning view of the Norwegian countryside came into view. You stare at the view breathlessly for a second before Sam’s voice interrupts.

“I still can’t believe Stark is letting Loki off his leash for this.”

You look at Sam with a wide grin, “don’t worry, I’ve got a hold of his leash now. It’s only for a few days.”

Sam mutters something you couldn’t comprehend under his breath about Loki and a leash. You roll your eyes, sighing as you feel Loki approach behind you. He places his hand on your shoulder, and you look up at him with wide eyes and adoration.

There had been a shift in your relationship; you didn’t want to admit it entirely, but being with Loki soothes you. While he was still standoffish and quite frankly a total dick to others, he showed his true self to you. Smiling up at him, your eyes finally meet.

“I will grab our bags, love.” You nod to him, and you can see Sam’s eyes on you. Loki walks off, leaving you and Sam alone, again.

“Really, Y/N. Of all the people to fall in love with, you had to choose him.”

You began to blush and roll your eyes at Sam. “I don’t love him. He’s just… different than I thought he would be.”

“So you’ve said multiple times now.”

You laugh. “Thank you for understanding, Sam.”

“Yeah, I know I’m the best. Still don’t like it, though.”

You could see Sam’s body shake with laughter. He may not have approved of your affection for the god, but seeing you genuinely happy made his heart warm. He still didn’t trust Loki as far as he could throw him, but he noticed how Loki acted around you in the time he spent with you two in the Quinjet.

The Quinjet landed, and you gave Sam a hug thanking him for piloting and telling him you will see him soon. You hear Sam call out to Loki as you descend the ramp. “If you even think of hurting her, I will attach you to Redwing and send you so far in the atmosphere you’ll be falling for thirty minutes.”

You are standing in a landscape of tall grass that overlooks the cliffs of Norway. The landscape ends in steep cliffs and drops off into an ocean. The view before you of crashing waves on the distant shores took your breath away. You take in a deep breath smelling the field around you and feeling the mist of the ocean splash your face delicately. You feel the light breeze fan across your face as Loki steps into view.

“Ready, darling?”

Your grin widens as you stare into ocean eyes. Being away from the compound and the stress that surrounded it is a nice refresh. Although your trip would involve Loki spending time with his brother and speaking with his people, you were really looking forward to sightseeing, even if you had to do it on your own. You lace your fingers into Loki’s free hand and give it a squeeze, signaling you’re ready.

As Loki turns around to begin walking to the vehicle that would take you to the village, he is abruptly stopped by a strange man with a red cape leaning on the truck. The man has his arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently. You feel Loki’s grip on your hand tighten, and when you look over at him, his jaw is clenched.

Looking back at the man in question, he begins walking over to you and Loki. You see Loki drop the bags he was holding and move your hand, so you stand slightly behind him as he takes a step between you and the man. You assume he’s the one that’s driving you to the village.

“Loki.”

“Mister...? I don’t believe I ever caught your name.”

“It’s Doctor. Doctor Strange. You remember our little agreement I had with your brother?”

Loki’s grip on your hand tightens, and you wince slightly, trying to get back to Loki’s side. Sensing tension between the two dark-haired men, you speak up, “Hi, mister! I’m-” The man, Doctor Strange, doesn’t break eye contact with Loki as he speaks. “Doctor. I don’t care who you are. Why have you returned to Earth?”

Loki is silent, his face stone cold, as he puts more distance between you and the man, showing his protectiveness of you.

You speak up again, “Well actually, Doctor, we are on our way to Thor now. I don’t understand why it’s any of your concern, though, especially if you’re just a chauffeur.”

The man gawks at you. “I’m not a chauffeur. Earth needs to remain protected. I keep tabs on people who threaten Earth, and your boyfriend here has already put Earth in jeopardy once. I ask again, Loki, why are you here?”

“To tend to my people.” Loki’s voice is full of unwavering confidence, but you can hear the worry in it.

You speak up again, trying to dissolve the tension. Your voice comes out calm and collected. “The Asgardians lost their home, sir. We are just here to make sure they’re settled.”

“It’s Doctor, and look,” the man finally looks you over, a flicker of recognition in his eyes. “Whoever you are, I don’t care. I’m keeping tabs on both the village and Loki here.”

Your voice raises as you finally break free from Loki’s grasp, taking a step in between the two men. The anger rising in you.

“The Asgardians aren’t here to take over Earth, you jackass. Loki saved them! They need refuge; they lost their home!”

Strange huffs in annoyance at you, looking down to finally meet your gaze. Your eyes flicker a peculiar cold that causes the man to narrow his eyes. You can’t see Loki’s expression from here, but you can just feel his wolfish grin spread across his face as you defend him.

Loki finally breaks through the death glare you’re giving Strange. “I don’t have time for your games, you second rate wizard. What do you want?” As he speaks, he grabs your waist and gently pushes you to the side. Even though you feel rooted to the spot, Loki’s touch is reassuring, so you let him move you.

The man takes a step closer to Loki, their faces inches away now.

“Listen here, I have to fight off nightmare monsters, the faltine, other rogue sorcerers, and Lovecraftian beings of incomprehensible knowledge daily, and I keep the magic pools of our universe clean and safe. Forgive me if I get defensive when I find out that the man responsible for leveling New York City is back when I specifically instructed Thor to watch over him, and now he’s parading around Norway without a leash,” his gaze flickers over to you with distrust in his voice, “while on a date.”

You open your mouth again as a string of curses cuts through you. The doctor is obviously ignoring you, making you more irate. Suddenly an orange sparkle begins circling around your feet, and the wind is knocked from your lungs as you start to fall freely.

Loki’s eyes burn more green as he sees you fall. “Bring her back. Now.”

“Gladly, after you tell me the real reason you’re here.”

Loki grinds his teeth. Holding back the urge to summon his daggers and stab the man through the jugular.

“It’s for her and for my brother.”

He snaps his fingers and waves his hand for Loki to continue. “Explain, I don’t have all day.”

Loki rolls his eyes, “I don’t need to explain anything to you. I’m not here to cause harm. I’m here to help her. You know just as well as me that magic runs fluidly here. Thor has said in his messages that something doesn’t feel right, and me being as powerful as I am, he’s asked me for help.”

“Right... Should I be worried?”

“No, I will handle this.”

The doctor pauses, thinking over the situation.

“See to it that you do.”

Loki clenches his jaw when you suddenly drop. You land on your feet, ducking into a roll. Spinning around towards Strange with a grin on your face.

“Oh my gosh! That was a thrill! Can you do it again?”

Loki looks at you in confusion. “Thor is waiting on us. Let’s go.”

“Fine, party ruiner.” You begin walking over to the truck but quickly turn around and stare at Strange. “Just so you know, it’s kind of a dick move for you to just show up and then send me falling like that. Even if I enjoyed it!”

You grab Loki’s hand in a vice grip taking him over to the truck. When you look back over your shoulder, the wizard in the red cape is already gone.

“So, he’s an ass.”

Loki stares at you, “Why would you want to keep falling?”

You smile up at Loki. “I used to have wings. Like Sam’s. When we were in the Air Force together. I don’t use them anymore, but I do miss them sometimes.”

Loki nods his head. He already read your file the day he saw you. He wanted to know everything about you, but he still wanted to hear it from you. You climb into the front seat of the truck whipping out your phone to navigate your way to the village.

“He made me fall for 30 minutes once.”

“So you have met Doctor Asshat before?”

Loki chuckles at your nickname for the wizard. “Briefly, he is not a fan of mine.”

“You don’t have many these days.”

After a period of silence passes, you find yourself chewing on the inside of your cheek and biting your lower lip. Loki reaches over and places his hand on your thigh, sensing your worry. You glance over at him briefly.

“Does your brother know? About me?”

Loki begins drawing lazy patterns on your thigh as you continue your focus back on the road. “Yes and no. He had a suspicion of you when he saw you that first time, but I told him it wasn’t true.”

“But you knew it was true. Why lie?”

Loki was shocked at your admittance. He wasn’t sure you fully accepted yourself, not yet anyway.

“I’m not usually like this.” He motions with his hand between the two of you.

You sigh. “Me either. I don’t usually let people touch me like this.” You place a hand over him on your thigh.

Loki smirks at you, “My dear, are you a virgin?”

“Loki! That’s not what I meant. I just meant this level of physical affection. Really, Sam and Wanda are the only ones I really let even hug me.”

“Hmmm, you didn’t answer my question.”

You feel a blush creep up your neck and spread over your cheeks. Thanking yourself for the makeup hiding the blush. “No, I’m not a prude, Loki.”

Although Loki hides his reaction with a laugh, he can’t help but feel possessive and jealous over this revelation. Loki continues to tease you. “Oh, I don’t doubt that little one. Especially after last night.”

Your mouth hangs open in shock. Drunk, you were notorious for being clingy, and around Loki, it was like your libido was screaming at you to jump him and climb him like a tree.

“You did mention wanting to be tied up earlier today.”

The heat of embarrassment scorches your face. “I told you that in confidence!”

Loki stares at you with a wide grin on his face and a gleam in his eye. Your smile matches his.

The rest of the drive passes in companionable silence while Loki helps navigate you to the village. When you pull up to the quaint town, people are bustling about the street.

Thor stalks out of a home that looks to be too small for his size. You and Loki get out of the truck. You watch as Loki approaches his brother.

You can’t help but check him out. Today’s he’s wearing dark wash jeans that grip his tight ass. You smirk as your eye line climbs its way up to the dark wool jacket that covers his upper body.

You break your gaze as you grab your bag, and Loki’s noticing that you have significantly more than him. You always overpacked on trips, but you didn’t know how long you’d be staying, like Tony said.

“Brother and the fair maiden! Welcome to New Asgard!” HE gestures widely with his hands while doing a spin.

Loki nods at his brother, “I’m sure they’re glad to have their savior back.” He looks around as the people work around him, smiling. You roll your eyes, your smile reaching up.

“Hi, Thor. Thanks for letting me tag along.”

“Stark insisted you accompany my brother. I would love to see you put him on his ass again.”

Thor smiles at you, his grin infectious. You shrug your shoulders. “I have my ways.”

“I’ll let the pair of you settle in, dinner should be ready soon. I hope you will both join me.”

As Thor begins to walk away, Loki turns to the vehicle grabbing the bags from you. You start laughing, thinking about Loki not only doing his own grunt work but your own with the bags as well. His eyes meet yours, and his lips purse as he motions his head in the same direction Thor had just left. You follow behind him, a small pep in your step.

You finally enter the small cottage where you’ll be staying. Wooden furniture lay across wooden floors, complemented in a teal painted wall. The cool light from the clouded sky brightens the room. There’s a fireplace in the corner of the room with a circular white fur rug in front of it. Lounging furniture scatters the open floor plan with the kitchen insight as well.

It’s small and quaint, but you don’t mind. “It’s cute.”

Loki scoffs. “It’s dusty.”

You roll your eyes. Making your way to the second bedroom upstairs. Once inside, you settle your bags down.

You sigh heavily as you feel arms wrap around you. Loki buries his head into the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent. You lean your head back on the other side, so it leans against his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

You turn around to look up at Loki. “For what?”

Loki leans in closer to you, resting his forehead against yours.

“For coming here with me.”

You smile, leaning forward to brush your lips against his.

“Gosh, you really are a sap. Who would’ve thought underneath that brooding and stoic exterior you’ve got soft spots?”

Loki moves his hands from your waist and grips the back of your neck, pulling you into a heated kiss. “I’ve got some hard spots too.”

His words make you feel weak in the knees. Your mouth meets his in a searing kiss as he grips the back of your neck—tongues colliding and exchanging tastes between each other. Loki pushes you back until your knees meet the bed behind you, causing you to fall onto the floral sheets. His body leans into yours on top as the kiss breaks.

“Not like you.” He brings his hand to clasp your neck. He squeezes your neck, forcing a moan from your mouth. His mouth collides with your own. He pulls back, and his breath whispers in your ear, “you’re soft and smooth,” the warmth causing you to squirm. His thumb gently strokes the column of your neck, forcing your hips to involuntarily jerk and meet his.

A clearing of a throat coming for the doorway forces you to push Loki off yourself when you realize the sound didn’t come from him.

Thor stands in the frame with his hands covering his eyes. “Son of a bitch, I didn’t mean to walk in on you. I just forgot to mention Brun, and I are having dinner, and if you wanted to join us, you could.”

With his shorter hair, you can see the red that tingers the tips of his ears. Glancing over at Loki, who stands next to the bed, even his own face is red with a blush. You pull yourself up halfway, so you rest on your elbows as Thor hurriedly leaves the room.

You giggle, looking at the pink-tinged cheeks of Loki. “Hmm, we should go before we traumatize your brother any further.”

Loki lurks towards you; the blush is gone from his cheeks. His blue eyes stare at you, his pupils heavily dilated.

“We can skip.”

You pull yourself to your feet to cut off Loki’s strides toward yourself. Grasping his hand in your own. “Loki, I want as much as you do for this to be a vacation, but we both know that’s not what this is.”

Loki sighs, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear and kissing your nose.

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Of course I am. Let’s go.”

Hand in hand with Loki, you make your way over to the small house Thor came out of earlier. Before you enter the house, you stop and turn to Loki.

“So...um, he obviously knows we are involved. So, what are you scheming now?”

He raises an eyebrow at your inquiry. “How do you know I’m scheming?”

You give Loki a pointed look.

“Yes, well. I think the truth is to give you the answers.”

“So, you think he has the answers.”

“No. He doesn’t. But he knew you in your past life. There’s another here who knew you as well.”

“Heimdall?”

“No, her name is Danika.”

“Oh. Does she...well, does she know that I’m here?”

“No, but I can take you to her later on this trip. If that’s what you would like?”

“Yeah, I think I would like that.”

Loki presses a kiss to your forehead. “Shall we?”

Loki opens the door leading you into the small cottage.

“Brother! Sigyn! Oh, I mean Y/N! I apologize.”

You smile at Thor, definitely overcompensating for earlier as the blush reaches your cheeks. “Hi, Thor. Sorry, you had to um...see that earlier.”

“No! No. I should’ve warned you of my presence.”

The three of you follow behind Thor walking into the dining area. Thor continues rambling. “In fact, I seem to remember a time where I caught the pair of you in a… well, a much more um coital position. Well, I guess it wasn’t you. I mean, you‘re from Earth and-.”

“Please stop talking Thor, you’re making it worse.”

“Right, right. Let’s eat, shall we!?”

The tiny Valkyrie girl sits with a beer in her hand and her legs on the table. “So, that’s a development.” She says, motioning between you and Loki.

Thor grins widely. “Oh, you should’ve seen them earlier.”

Loki clenches his jaw shaking his head. You give his hand a squeeze as the two of you make your way to the empty chairs next to each other at the table.

Once you and Loki have sat and idle chit chat has been made, Thor seeming to avoid the topic of why Loki was there, Loki has lost his patience. “Can we just skip to why you’ve brought me here?”

Thor chides Loki. “It can wait. Let’s just enjoy the evening while we can.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Brun all but shouts.

You can see Loki out of your peripheral, his jaw ticking and eyes rolling. You reach your hand out, resting it on his bouncing thigh.

The girl with braids and a beer looks over at you. “Y/N! Tell us why they call you Starshine.”

You brush your finger across Loki’s thigh, trying to get his leg to stop its incessant bouncing.

“Well, when I was in the Air Force, with Sam, I would often go outside and watch the night sky. Anyways, there was this one mission we went on. It was just the three of us: Riley, Sam, and I. Sam and Riley were nervous about using their EXO-7 Falcons at night. We’d really only used them during the day by this point. Night ops became our specialty after that. Anyways, the mission was a success because of my part. I didn’t like taking all the credit at first, but Riley started calling me Star, and Sam always called me Sunshine. The next thing I know, they start calling me ‘Starshine.’ When I officially joined the team, that’s the name they introduced me as. I guess I feel like I’m honoring Riley in that way too.”

“So, why don’t you use the wings anymore?”

“I did, at first. But I like being on the ground. Where the action is... makes me feel, I don’t know? Powerful? I know it sounds silly, but I’ve always felt stronger as the fights continue. I guess it’s just the adrenaline.”

Loki leaned into you with interest in your statement. He’s decided that if this is Thor’s way of family bonding and there wasn’t actually any reason Loki was there, then he should get to enjoy his time away from the prying eyes of your precious Avengers. He whispers in your ear, seriously at first. “It’s not silly.”

His mood turns playful as his hand comes across your thigh, dangerously close to your warm center.

Loki continues teasing you as Thor rambles on about his many nicknames. Your hand grabs Loki’s, brushing it off as you give him a glare. His face is turned toward his brother, not even sparing you a glance.

You interrupt Thor’s story. “Actually, Thor. Loki has something he wants to tell you.” You grin widely as Loki clicks his jaw.

Loki glowers at you before turning his attention to Thor. “It’s the reason Star is here.”

Loki pauses a little too long for your liking. Your hand touches his thigh mindlessly, trailing a pattern on his thigh as payback for making you squirm in your seat earlier.

You affectionately gaze at Loki, mischief sparkling in your own eyes.

“We want answers.”

Thor stairs inquisitively between the two of you, unaware of the fondling going on beneath the table.

Loki grips your hand as it grazes across the growing bulge in his pants. “She’s who we thought she was. She has Sigyn’s memories, and she would like to gain complete access to them.”

Loki’s grip on your hand falters, and you brush against him again. Loki lets in a hiss of breath.

“Thor, it’s quite funny. I never would’ve expected the cold,  _ hard _ Loki would have the answers. He’s been able to help me a bit,” you turn your best puppy dog eyes to Thor, pouting your bottom lip, “we were hoping if anyone here could return my memories of my past life.”

Thor grins widely at you. “I knew it! Loki, I am honored that you thought to come to me!” He chuckles loudly, obviously feeling proud.

Loki’s grip on your hand softens as he speaks, “Right. We’ve had a long day. I think it’s best we save the rest for tomorrow.” He pulls you out of the seat as you call over your shoulder goodbyes to Thor and Brun.

Once in the small foyer, you beat Loki out the door, ready to continue your game of cat and mouse.

Loki follows you out the door like a predator stalking his prey. In an instant, your feet leave the ground, and you are thrown over Loki’s shoulder. “Little one, see what you started.”

Your mouth hangs open in shock as a familiar heat begins to pool in your core. “Are you actually going to finish it this time?”

Loki lets out a low growl in his chest, sending the vibrations to your core, causing you to squirm. A smirk plays on Loki’s lips. “I look forward to hearing you beg.”

The moment you step inside the cottage Loki makes quick steps to his bedroom, where he unceremoniously tosses you on the bed. Loki removes his coat as you bounce slightly as a soft whine leaves your lips, but before you can even finish the noise, Loki’s lips are on yours.

His mouth wins the battle for dominance as you feel his hand grab your waist and travel down your thigh forcing your legs open. You wrap your leg around him, bringing him closer to your core that begs and drips for attention. You grind your hips into him as a soft moan leaves your lips, and you feel that little bit of friction gives you the slightest relief.

Your breath ragged, you bring your hands up to wrap around his neck, but before you can intertwine your fingers together, his hand leaves your hip and grabs both of your wrists. He pushes them above your head. His lips leave yours, leaving you gasping for air.

Loki’s eyes are dilated with lust. “You thought you could tease me in front of my brother like that?” His lips draw a path down your neck, leaving a flowering trail of bruises and bites. Your words are caught in your throat. Your hands fight the grip he holds on your wrists.

Loki tsks. “Gone quiet on me now, little one?” Loki’s lips leave your body, and his face hovers dangerously close to yours. Desperation takes over as you attempt to pull yourself up to him, once again restricted in movement by his grip on your wrists.

“I believe I told you I want to hear you beg.”

You huff in feign annoyance, playing along. “Please.”

Loki, still hovering over you, let another smile leave his lips. “Please what?”

You grind your hips into him again, begging for friction. “Please, fuck me.”

Loki hums. “No.” All of a sudden, he pulls off you, leaving you absent of his touch. You scoff, pulling yourself up from the bed. Your hair is a tangled mess and your lips swollen from his kisses.

You whine at the loss of his touch. “What the hell, Loki? You said you were finishing it!” You stand next to Loki now. His reaction startles you, a smile dancing around his lips.

Loki grabs your waist, pinning you to the wall where he crowds your space. His breath hits your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. “I don’t want to fuck you; I want to ravish you, my love. I want to worship you and praise you as you come undone around my cock, and you're begging me to let you cum.”

His words send another shiver down your spine as you feel goosebumps prickle your skin. His mouth attacks your neck, leaving your legs to shake and your breath hitch. You let out a moan again, feeling your legs weaken as he continues his assault on your sensitive skin.

“Tell me, is that what you want?”

He brings his knee in between your legs, letting your core grind over it as his grip holds firm on your waist. You nod and hum.

“Say it.”

Loki stops his ministrations on your neck and stares at you, waiting. “Yes, yes….please.”

“Good girl.” Loki finally brings his lips back to yours as he lifts you up by your hips, letting your legs wrap around his as he carries you back over to the bed. His lips don’t leave yours for a second.

Loki strips your jacket off you as he sits on the bed with you in his lap, straddling his legs. His mouth attacking yours like he’s starved.

His hands leave your hips to find the hem of your sweater, slowly pulling it off your body. Your patience is wearing thin as he undresses you. You put more pressure on the growing bulge against your core, gyrating your hips for friction.

His mouth leaves yours, leaving a trail of kisses down your jaw to your neck and across your collarbone. He pulls back to admire you.

“Beautiful.” He hums into your skin,

You let a smile pass your lips as you pull his head back up to kiss you.

“So, are you.” You say breathlessly into his lips, letting your hands tangle into his raven locks.

Loki removes your bra, letting it slide down and tossing it to the side before he brings you around, so you lay beneath him.

With you underneath him, you pull at the hem of his shirt, needing to feel him. Loki obliges, pulling off his shirt, only leaving your lips for a moment to pull it off the rest of the way.

Your hands roam his bare chest, his lean, pale figure glistens with sweat in the moonlight. His hands roam down your chest, kneading your breasts. You let out a series of expletives as his lips capture your hardened bud.

The coolness of the air and the wet warmth of his mouth assaulting your breast make your sensitive skin shiver at his touch. You begin to grind into his hips and feel a vibration from his mouth, and a low growl can be heard.

His lips leave your bud with a wet smack as he hums again. “Getting impatient, are we?”

Your hands reach for the button on his jeans. Your hand brushes the bulge, and you feel Loki’s breath hitch. “Hmm, you want me to fix that?”

Loki’s gaze on you as you slowly pull off his pants is filled with lust and desire. He sees you smirking at him. “Look who’s quiet now.”

“Such a minx.” His lips met yours again. You don’t think you could ever grow tired of his passion-filled kisses.

Loki grabs the band on your pants and reaches his hands to the center to let his hands unbutton and drag them down your legs. You lift your hips to aid in his movement. You lay beneath him, only in your underwear. His eyes meet yours and roam over your body.

“You’re gorgeous, darling.” You feel a blush swipe across your body, and your hands bring Loki’s face back to yours.

“Hmm, you can ravish me now.” You say in a breathy whisper against his lips. Loki chuckles and dips his head to leave another trail of kisses down your body across your stomach over your clothed core.

His hands grip your underwear, and he slowly drags them down, leaving kisses and bites behind on your hips and down your legs. He starts his way back up, your pussy bare and glistening. He breathes in heavily. His eyes look up to yours; they’ve darkened in the moonlight with lust.

“You have to ask for permission.”

Before you can reply, he dives into your slit, licking a sloppy but calculated stripe.

“Fuck...Loki.”

You bite down on your lip and roll your eyes back as he continues devouring you. Sucking on your clit, then bringing his tongue back down to your entrance, lightly probing it.

His mouth leaves you. “Look at me. Don’t take your eyes off me, or I’ll stop.”

You fight the urge to lean your head back and make eye contact with him as he sucks on your clit. You feel the tingling sensation as he continues to lap at you. He plunges a long digit into your entrance, stroking your walls that clench around it. You grind down into his face, moaning.

“Right there...hmmm” You can feel yourself getting close.

Loki sucks on your bud harshly, and your jaw flies open, struggling to maintain eye contact. You feel like you’re floating, and your vision starts to go hazy. He plunges a second finger in, stretching you out—the wet noises of his ministrations filling the room.

“Loki...I’m gonna-”

His mouth leaves your bud, and his fingers withdraw, leaving you edged. You stare at him admonished. His mouth covered in your slick, glistening in the light.

“What the fuck, Loki!” His response is a wide grin as he brings himself up to your face. Kissing you passionately the scent and taste of yourself on his lips and tongue. You moan into the kiss.

“I said I want you to cum on my cock.”

He rocks his clothed bulge into your hips. You can tell from his bulge he’s well endowed.

“Please, Loki.”

You grind your hips in time with him, your slick leaving a wet spot on his dark boxer briefs.

You push his shoulders back, making him rollover. You kiss down his jaw across his bare chest. As you inch your way down his pale torso, you suck and bite, causing him to squirm.

He smiles at you as you reach his hips. Letting your hands cup his bulge through the cloth covering. “Come out to play now?”

You look up at him, raising an eyebrow as you pull down the last remaining piece of clothing that separates the pair of you. Giving him kisses along his hip bones. Your assumption of being well endowed is correct; he’s long and heavy. Your pussy aches and clenches over the thought of having him inside you.

He grabs your shoulders pulling you up to him, and kisses you passionately.

“I want it too.” His lips never disconnect from yours as he lines himself up with your entrance. He hesitates before leaning his forehead to rest against yours.

“Yes, please.” He begins to thrust inside you, slowly inching his way in. Your breath gets caught in your throat as you feel the slow drag of his cock. Finally, his hips meet yours as you lower yourself the rest of the way, and he groans out.

“Fuck. You feel amazing, love.”

You clench around him, causing another growl to leave his throat.

“Please, move.”

Loki doesn’t need to be told twice. He lifts himself into a sitting position and his chest flush with yours. His chest rubs against your breast, causing your nipples to stimulate. He slowly grabs your hips to drag his cock out and back inside you. The clashing of your hips and heavy breathing wafts through the air.

He flips you back over, never leaving you empty. Your legs wrap around him, forcing him deeper inside you. He kisses you as his cock drives into you at a heavy and fast pace.

He puts his fingers in your mouth, watching you suck on them while making eye contact in the depths of his ocean eyes. He pulls out his fingers and places them over your clit rubbing figure eights.

You arch your back off the bed and lean your head back. Caught up in the pleasure he gives you. As he continues to thrust inside you, his other hand grabs your chin, pulling your face back to his before his mouth collides with yours. His hand lowers around your throat, giving it a squeeze. Soft moans and hisses clash between heated kisses as his pace quickens on your clit.

“Fuck, Loki… I’m gonna… fuck.”

“Don’t take your eyes off me. I want to watch you.”

You bite your kiss swollen lips as he continues his furious pace, reaching your high. His hand leaves your throat before he plunges his thumb into your mouth, pulling it open.

“I want to hear you, I want to hear how much you like taking my cock.”

His hand comes back to your throat, squeezing as he hits that soft spot inside you, and his ministrations on your clit quicken and harden with more pressure. You chant his name like a prayer and let out a string of curses. He bends down to whisper into your ear as he squeezes your throat.

“Cum for me.”

The coil inside you snaps, and your vision whitens and speckles with stars as you ride out your orgasm. Loki’s fingers never leave your clit, and the sensation causes your legs to shake and tighten around his body. He drives into you quickly now, reaching his own climax. The overstimulation causes you to nearly pass out before his lips find yours.

You somehow find the words in your orgasmic state. “Cum inside me.”

Your words send Loki over his own edge, diving into the cliff of pleasure as his thrusts become rapid and erratic until he finally stills and begins dragging his cock slowly in and out of you. His warm seed painting your walls. His hand on your throat leaves your neck as he traces it down your body.

His forehead rests against yours as you pull your hands up to his face, cupping his jaw. You kiss him with as much energy as you can muster. He slowly pulls out of you, your walls clenching around the loss of fullness.

You feel his spend seeping out of you. A smile comes to your lips between kisses.

“I’ll be back.” Loki leaves you for a moment as you lay on the bed, wholly debauched and blissed out.

You feel a wet cloth gliding over your inner thighs and over your core. You look down at Loki tentatively cleaning you and wiping away the evidence of your escapades.

Your body too sore and tired to move; he comes up and picks you up, cradling you until you're under the sheets as he climbs in and pulls up the covers. Kissing your forehead, he brings your body into his wrapping his arms around you and resting his head against yours. You drift off into sleep in Loki’s embrace.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9.6k words later here is chapter 11. drop a kudos and comments <3  
> ALSO first time writing smut...how did i do???


	12. XII: Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day one in Norway, featuring an unexpected visitor, some light smut, and some heavy plot.

[**Song for chapter** ](https://youtu.be/FB50H91a1IA)

_ “Come to the hills.” _

_ You stand on a cliff, similar to the one you arrived on yesterday. You look around; tall green grass beats on your calves. For once, in your dreams, you’re coherent.  _

_ You feel a presence at the drop-off, so you walk over to it. You search over the miles of blue ocean that beat on the rocks below. Your eyes show you nothing but a beautiful view. _

_ “Come to the hills.” _

_ You turn around, looking for the voice. It’s like a bell, but it’s warm and foreboding. You lose your balance, and suddenly the world transforms around you as you fall. Sand pours from the cliffs, and your eyes squint as you see shapes begin to form. Unrecognizable shapes that feel oddly familiar. They’re rough and strange, sticking out from the sand. _

You jolt awake from the bed with a yelp, waking up Loki. Your eyes struggle to focus on the room that isn’t your own as panic settles in. Looking down, you realize you're naked as you watch a pale, slender hand touch your shoulder. 

Almost instantly, the panic resides as you're met with concerned eyes and hands encasing your face.

“Darling, are you okay?”

You hum and nod, leaning into his touch.  _ Should you ask Loki about the dream? Maybe it was a memory? It didn’t seem like any of the other ones… strange. _

You brush off Loki’s touch pulling yourself from the bed, taking a blanket to wrap around yourself. “It’s nothing, just the dreams.” You stare out the window, watching the hustle and bustle of the busy streets in the morning sun.

Loki frowns as his gaze follows you; the absence of your body leaves the bed cold. Loki feels you pulling away from him, the walls he tore down around your mind building themselves back up again. 

“Do you regret it?”

You close the curtain again and turn to face him, brows furrowed. You make your way back to the bed, your knees hit the mattress, crawling your way around to him. You take his face in your hands and press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Loki, I haven’t known you very long. Everything I’ve read in your file, it’s like you’re a different person. I guess you’ve known me longer…” You trail off, insecurities about inadequacy plague you.  _ What if you’re not the same person he expects you to be? _

Loki brings his hands up to your waist, leaning his forehead against your own. “You didn’t answer my question… Do you want to slow down? Take a step back from me?” Loki fights his own insecurity. 

You shake your head and pull back far enough to look into his ocean eyes. A feeling of comfort welcomes you. 

“Being away from you is the last thing I want, Loki. “

“Then what’s the first thing?”

“I don’t know. I know you have other priorities being here. You’re with your people.”

“You know that’s not why I am here, really. I’m here for you.”

“But I don’t know that. I barely know anything about you, and I just... I feel like you know everything about me.”

Loki’s silence makes you uncomfortable. 

“I know that you wear a mask around others, and for some unknown reason, you don’t wear it with me. I know you’re actually kind and that you care a lot more than you let on. You’re impatient and sometimes incredibly frustrating. You hold me when I cry, but you also,” you take a deep breath, “have things in your past that… frighten me. You’re always several steps ahead of everyone else around you... I just want to know you, beneath the mask. Who are you?”

Loki grabs your face kissing you as he speaks against your lips. “I’m yours.” 

You smile against his affections. “That doesn’t answer my question now.” 

“You didn’t answer mine.” 

You pull back from him. “No, I don’t regret my actions with you.” You pause, taking a moment to breathe in his warm and comforting scent, leather and pine. “What happens if I can’t remember? I feel like you have this whole second life with me, and I won’t live up to your expectations.” 

Loki sighs, kissing you between sentences as he speaks. “Then I suppose we will take this one day at a time. One memory at a time. Whatever you need or want. I’m not leaving you… unless you ask me to.”

Loki flips you over, the sheet around your shoulders falling to the bed, exposing your naked form to him. He begins making his way down your body, starting by your jaw with kisses and traveling down your throat and across your collarbone. 

Your fingers card through his hair as his mouth finds your bud, and he begins sucking. You let out a soft moan, enjoying the feeling of his heated mouth on your bud. 

A knock on the door causes a growl to escape from Loki’s mouth. The vibrations send a shiver down your naked body. You giggle to Loki, pulling on his hair, so his mouth meets yours in a smoldering kiss. 

“I assume your brother will just walk in unless you go see what he wants.”

Loki kisses your lips and sucks on your neck before he speaks into your ear. “Let him.”

You laugh as his breath hits your ear, causing you to squirm. Another knock on the door and another growl escapes from Loki.

Thor calls through the door, “Loki! I need to speak with you. I’m pretty sure that giggling isn’t coming from you, either.”

Loki huffs and pauses over you, his eyes searching yours. He cocks an eyebrow at you, and a closed-mouth smirk pans across his face. Loki suddenly transforms his appearance to look like you causing you to jump up and bump your head against his, well, your own forehead, only to be held down by Loki.

“How do you know I’m not taking her form?”

You pinch Loki’s form of your arm, quietly speaking. “ _ Loki,  _ you need to go see your brother.”

Thor yells through the door again. “I could just walk in there! I’m sure it’s not anything I haven’t seen before.”

Loki pulls away from you and stands out from the bed, changing his form back to his own. Your eyes rake over his naked form, smirking at his tight ass. Loki looks over his shoulder, winking at you before a green mist encapsulates his body and he’s suddenly clad in clothes.

“Okay, we are taking advantage of that later.”

Loki walks over, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Promise?”

Another pounding at the door causes the smirk to fall away from his face. He turns his head to the door, yelling, “I’m coming!”

With a grunt and a huff, a scowl replaces Loki’s face, and he makes his way over to the door. You bring the sheet up, covering as much of your naked form as you can. Loki opens the door, just enough to hide you from Thor’s sight.

“What do you want?” Loki is short and abrupt.

“Good morning to you too! How are you? Oh, I’m great.” Thor’s early morning cheerfulness causes you to giggle from your place on the bed. Your giggle catches Thor’s attention as he tries to peer his head into the room, but Loki blocks his sight.

You call from the bed, “Good morning, Thor.”

Thor smiles like a golden retriever after being called a good boy.

Loki huffs. “Good, the pleasantries are out of the way. Now tell me, what makes you so truly desperate that you require me?”

“Come to breakfast with me; we have to discuss some things.”

Loki steps through the door, leaving you in the room alone. Through the door, you hear muffled voices. While they speak, you go through your list of places you looked up before coming here. You know Loki likes reading, so you make a mental note to ask him about the National Library of Norway. 

The muted voices are still coming from the doorway, you decide you should probably make an appearance, so you slip out of bed. Searching around the floor for your clothes from the previous night. Once dressed, you make your way to the door and swing it open. Loki and Thor abruptly stop speaking at your sudden appearance.

Thor grins at you widely as he sees you. You smile in return, slipping past the pair, aware of Loki’s gaze that follows you as you shut the door to the other room behind you. You find your bags and begin pulling out workout clothes. You sit on the bed once you’re dressed and lace up your shoes as Loki opens the door. 

“Thor wants me to use my magic to help him. He thinks there is something… invasive about the magic here.”

You hum and nod at Loki, finishing up the last tie on your shoes. You stand from the bed and make your way to Loki, kissing him on the cheek. 

“I’m going to run. I’ll find you when I am done.” 

Loki grabs your elbow before you can turn away, which forces you to stand in front of him. “Come with me.” His eyes widen, and his lower lip quivers.

“You can’t give me those big blue puppy dog eyes every time you want me to do something.” 

Loki’s face resumes his usual mischievous smirk, “it worked before.” 

“Nope, not this time. I have a surprise for you later, though.” 

Loki finally releases your elbow, allowing you to jog through the small house and out the door. You take a deep breath of the cool air and begin jogging.

**\------**

When you’re done running, you find yourself in front of Thor’s house. You make your way to the door and through the foyer, following the voices from the kitchen. You see Loki and Thor sitting at the table, Loki’s back to you. When Thor sees your arrival, he grins widely, causing Loki to pause mid-sentence to turn around to you. You smile at Loki, walking over to him.

“How was your run?”

Loki pulls you onto his lap, his hands keeping you in place. You giggle and give him a chaste, soft kiss on the lips. 

“Refreshing, ready for your surprise?”

Thor’s laughter cuts off Loki before he can respond. “Just like old times! Right, brother?”

Loki scowls at Thor before he turns his attention to you, nodding his head, as his expression softens. 

“So, there’s this library that houses all the history of Norway, or that’s what it said online. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”

“You said this wasn’t a vacation.”

“It’s not, but it is considered sightseeing,  _ and _ since it houses the history of Norway, it might have some information about the magic here.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” 

You stare dreamily into Loki’s blue eyes before Thor interrupts your moment of serendipity. “Perfect! We shall go together!”

Loki scoffs, “Can you even read?”

“Nonsense. When can we go?”

You pull yourself from Loki’s lap, kissing him on the cheek and looking over to Thor. “I need to shower still and change clothes. Give me an hour, and I’ll be ready.”

You leave the boys at the table, jogging over to the small house you’re sharing with Loki. Once inside, you find one of your dresses and make your way to the bathroom.

You finish showering and getting dressed, leaving your hair down to brush against your shoulders. You find the boys waiting in the small living area waiting on you. 

“Let’s go sightseeing, boys!” 

You grab Loki’s hand, pulling him from the couch and ushering him out the door, Thor hot on your trail.

**\------**

The three of you walk into the building, the fluorescent lights illuminating and shining off the green floors, rows of books litter the room.

“I think it would be wise if we were to split up.”

“Agreed, then Thor can prove that he’s capable of reading. I believe the picture books are in that direction.” Loki points down to the children’s level. 

The three of you split up, covering more ground this way. You find yourself in a section about Norse mythology. 

After five minutes of wandering around, admiring the many books the building houses, you pass by several reading rooms. 

A hand grabs your wrist and pulls you behind a closed door and into a room. Before you can counter an attack, lips fall upon yours, ravaging you. Your body and mind panic at first, but when your hands come up to the chest, and his lips push further into yours, your body softens and melts. 

You recognize those lips and that chest. Opening your mouth to smile, his tongue thrusts into your mouth. 

Your voice comes out in a breathy moan against his lips, “Loki.”

Loki hums and nods, pinning you to the wall behind you. His mouth finds its way down your throat. He grabs your thigh, placing it over his hip while his hands roaming you all the way to the hem of your underwear.

You grab his hands, stopping his advances. “Someone might see.” Your breath is heavy, and your vision is clouded with lust. 

Loki bites your ear while he grinds his hips into your clothed core, a wet patch already dampening the fabric. A guttural and a breathy moan escapes Loki, breathing heavily into your ear. “They won’t.” 

His hand comes back up to grip your ass, kneading it as he plants kisses along your throat. 

You giggle as his kisses tickle across your neck. “You’re insatiable.” 

“Keep speaking to me like that, and I’ll have to punish you.” 

Loki grips you even firmer, undulating his hips deeper into yours, causing you to moan at the friction. 

“I have a better idea of what that mouth of yours can do.” Loki pulls back from you with his face still close to yours. His voice is stern and commanding. “Get on your knees.”

It’s like the lust has taken over your body and muddled your brain with perverse thoughts as your knees hit the floor in front of Loki. You look up to his gaze batting your eyelashes a smirk on your lips. 

You’ve all but forgotten about the possibility of someone walking into the space that you and Loki are using for sinful pleasures. 

Loki brings his hand up to your chin to grip it. “Such a good girl, taking orders so well.” 

Loki’s hands find the zipper on his pants, but your hands find his taking over the process for him. You pull his hard cock from his trousers. At eye level with it, you drool slightly, your mouth preparing itself. 

He grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him. His smile widening like a handsome devil. “Open your mouth.”

You follow his order, opening your mouth. He leans down, spitting in your mouth. Your center begs for friction as you hold your mouth open for him. Patiently, waiting for instructions. You squeeze your thighs together. 

“You’re going to take it all, everything I give you.” 

You nod, mouth still open. He grips his cock, letting the tip hit your mouth. Still waiting for his instructions, you let him guide his length further into your mouth. Not closing down to suck until he tells you. 

“Suck.” 

With his affirmation, you begin sucking on his length, allowing him to thrust in and out of your mouth. He groans loudly as you swallow around his size. 

His pleasure giving you the satisfaction, you squirm even more your core drips. 

“None of that now.” 

You moan slightly, pleading around his length. The vibrations send a shiver down Loki’s spine, making him clench his teeth with a snarl. 

“You’re being such a good slut taking my cock in this library, where anyone can walk in.” 

Your movement on his cock stops momentarily, taking in his words. Loki slows suddenly, thinking of his own words that passed his mouth. He goes to pull out before you grab his hips and begin sucking vicariously. 

Loki growls out, “fuck.” His thrusts begin to match your pace, hitting deeper in your throat as he fucks your mouth. 

“Just like that, such a good little slut.”

Loki’s mix of praise and degradation sends a flood of arousal between your legs as you continue taking his cock in your mouth. 

His pace quickens, causing tears to form around your eyes. “Swallow, all of it.” 

Loki stills in your mouth as spurts of hot cum paint the walls of your mouth and throat. 

Loki pulls you up from the floor, kissing you hard on the mouth, speaking praises and affirmations to your lips. 

He lifts you at your waist and turns to set you down on the table, placing kisses along your bare legs and gently kissing your knees with burns on them from the floor. 

“I’m sorry if I was too… _ harsh. _ ”

He kisses you softly on the lips and kisses your tear-stained cheeks. You smile, “um… it’s okay, I, well, I liked it.” Your cheeks turning a bright red, you lean your forehead against Loki. 

Suddenly the door flies open, and your heads whip to find Thor standing in the doorway. 

“There you two are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Seriously, you can’t take your hands off each other for five minutes? It’s like looking at a time capsule seeing the pair of you!” 

Thor pauses, taking notice of the red rash on your knees and the wetness of your cheeks, raising a brow and striding over to the pair of you where Loki is leaning into your body between your legs. 

“What’s wrong with her knees? Y/N, are you alright?” 

A blush spreads across your cheeks as you fall into Loki’s shoulder, laughing. 

“Um, yeah. I’m alright. Just scraped my knees across the carpet.” 

“Oh,” Thor pauses before his brows shoot up, and a blush spreads across his own cheeks, tinging the tips of his ears a cherry red. “OHHHHHH!” 

Loki turns to Thor, still between your legs. “Can you give me a moment alone with her?”

Thor abruptly turns to the door, closing it sharply behind him. 

“Your brother is like the biggest cock block; he doesn’t have a voyeur kink, does he?”

Loki stifles a laugh in his throat while he turns back to you. “How are your knees?”

You scoff, “sore.” 

Loki waves his hand across your thighs, gently touching your knees. The burning sensation and rough scratches subside as his hands run up and down your thighs drawing delicate patterns across your skin. “Better?”

You hum, bringing your hands up to cup his face. His mouth meets yours in a sweet and delicate kiss. A knock on the door causes both of you to growl. “Seriously, an absolute cock block.” 

“Don’t worry, you were a good girl; you’ll get your reward later.”

You smile, feeling embarrassed by his words but also pleasant and warm against his body.

Loki grabs your waist, assisting you in stepping down from the table he sat you on earlier. You walk to the door together. As he opens it, you see Thor leaning on the wall. 

“Finally, I didn't know if I was going to have to barge in there again!”

You turn to Loki, whispering in his ear, “are you sure he isn’t a voyeur?”

Loki laughs, grabbing your waist and pulls you into his side. The three of you make your way to the next section you were roaming in.

You walk down the aisles, your hands mindlessly skimming the texts before you find one that grabs your attention. The book has a deep royal purple leather spine with gold and silver embellishments. You pluck it from the shelf, noticing the strange language on the cover. 

Loki comes up behind you, looking over your shoulder at the book. “It's an Old Norse text.”

“My father would let my brothers and I visit as children, and we would share our magic and stories with the Norse people.”

“Is that how you got your names and titles?”

“Yes, it’s how you got yours, too.”

“Oh, but I’m not a goddess, Loki. I’m just… human.”

Loki frowns at your words and the subtle shift in your tone. Before he can make a comment, you find yourself flipping through the text, finding a drawing of a landscape. 

“This cliff, I recognize it… I saw it in my dream.”

Loki recognizes the landscape, his eyes roaming down to the caption, identifying the language is in old Norse. He begins reading out loud.

“To find a place where truth doth breaks, find your way to more than just mere lakes-”

You cut him off, continuing reading the caption. “A place of death that has brought rebirth, a place for king and not serf…” Loki watches you intently as you fluently read the words of the page. You continue reading, “Run for the ground, climb high, for when the end comes nigh, you must obtain power of great scope, or else abandon all hope.”

You look up to find Loki's ocean gaze staring through you. His brows furrow, “when did you become fluent in Old Norse?”

“What do you-? Oh… I don’t know.”

Loki kisses your temple, “you never cease to amaze me.”

Thor turns the corner rolling his eyes at the pair of you before his gaze falls on the book and the open page. He takes it from your hands, rereading the text himself. 

“You found something.”

“I don’t know? Did I? I just thought the book was pretty.”

Loki speaks in your defense, “don’t doubt your intuition, my love.”

Thor peers at Loki, “you know where we must go.”

Loki nods at his brother. 

“We shouldn’t waste more time; let’s go.”

**\------**

You find Loki, Thor, and yourself standing on a cliff of green grass that reaches your calves. You look out over the cliff gasping as your hand leaves Loki’s, and you approach the edge. Being pulled by an invisible string. An overwhelming feeling of deja vu takes hold. You turn to Loki, brows furrowed. Thor stands next to him, watching the grass sway by his feet. He looks haunted.

“Have I-? Have I been here before?”

Loki shakes his head. “No, but we have.” 

You raise your brow at the brothers. Loki looks away from you as he approaches the edge of the cliffs looking out. The beaten wind whipping your hair and brushing your face.

“This is where our father died,” Thor pauses, “where Hela destroyed my hammer.”

Your mouth turns into an ‘o’ as you look at his profile as he stares at the landscape. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

Loki pauses you, “it’s okay… I feel it too. The pull to this place.”

A voice breaks you from your trance.

“You came.” 

Your body freezes. It’s that bell-like voice from your dream. You turn around and are met with a beautiful woman in a shimmering blue silk gown and long golden curled hair that shines like silk in the sunlight. Her smile is warm and welcoming.

Thor and Loki speak together, “mother.”

Your face looks between the pair and the woman. Your mind can barely register the shock. 

“You found her.” She looks between you and Loki, smiling. She radiates a natural and warm glow.

Loki looks to Thor, “I don’t understand. What kind of trick is this?”

“My son, you should know a trick when you see one.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Your voice drips with distrust.  _ Why was she here? How was she here? _

Frigga turns, addressing you. “My child, I wish you no harm.”

You roll your eyes, your pettiness getting the better of you. “Was that before or after you murdered me?”

Loki flinches as he stands next to you. His eyes never leave Frigga’s blue ones. Thor makes a motion to move closer to Frigga, inspecting her.

She glances between you and Loki. Her expression is saddened and filled with remorse. “So, my son has shown you.”

You scoff. “Not a lot, but enough.”

Frigga hums at you, a twinkle in her eye. She takes a few steps forward before stopping a few feet from the trio of you. “Will you hear me out?”

“What do you possibly have to say to me?”

“How are your dreams, dear?”

Your voice catches in your throat as you gasp. “My- what? How did you-”

“I know a great deal.” She smiles, that same one Loki always wears when he’s scheming.

Before you can question any further, Thor asks, “Mother, how are you here?”

She looks up at the sky, smiling. “I’m not here, in the same way, you are now. Valhalla is special and beautiful. I’ve only returned to bring a message.” She turns to Thor smiling. “Thank you for bringing him here.”

Thor responds, “so, it was you. In my dreams, you were calling me.”

Your brows furrow even more so at Thor’s words. Loki’s body tenses, your hand finds his, needing to feel comforted yourself, but also wanting to comfort him. He lets you hold his hand.

Irritation stirs in your body as you speak. “So, you’ve been messing with all of our heads? How do we know you’re not a trick. The magic here is invasive; it’s not… welcomed. How do we know you’re not a part of that?”

Frigga turns to Loki, smiling and nodding. Loki speaks for her, in defense. “She’s here. It’s not a trick.”

Thor’s voice trembles, “Mother, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed both of you, my sons.” She pauses, “Sigyn, my dear, I am happy you’ve found your way back.”

Your quickness at a response sounds harsh. “No thanks to you.”

Frigga looks saddened as she speaks. “I was mistaken. I horribly regretted killing you, my dear. It did so much damage to my relationship with my sons. I wanted to change what I did, but as I am not a necromancer, I could not simply bring you back.”

“So, you did what?” Loki inquires.

“I used my magic to gift her soul and body with rebirth.”

“Why? You wanted me dead.”

“I held many regrets in my life, and losing my son to death was one of them,  but the vengeance I felt in killing you was unjustified," She looks to Loki, "It strained my relationship with you. So, I did the one thing I knew how I gave him a second chance at finding happiness… to earn his forgiveness.”

“So, I was just a pawn in earning forgiveness?”

Loki’s voice cracks as he speaks. “You never told me. You should have told me. I could’ve been there for her!”

“No, but I have a feeling you knew already. That I had done something for her soul.”

Loki gasps, tears forming in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Loki, my son. Your life isn’t the one I had hoped for you. You’ve seen terrors that I can’t even imagine. I just want you to be happy,” she looks at you, “and loved.”

Frigga calling Loki her son once more made his heart clench. The reminder of his last words to her breaking his heart. Frigga turns to you, a soft smile on her lips.

“Go ahead, my dear. Ask me what you came here for.”

“Am I-? Who am I?”

“You are a goddess.”

“I’m not. I’m just-”

“You’re not my dear. When I gave you rebirth, you may have been born here, on Midgard, but you are not Midgardian.”

“So, I’m like you then. Like you, Thor, and Loki.”

Thor is quick to respond, “not  _ quite _ like Loki.” 

You furrow your brows, your grip tightens on Loki’s hand.

“My son, you shouldn’t keep her in the dark.”

Loki responds, “she’s not ready.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

“Ready for what? Loki, what are you-” 

“My time here is short. Sigyn, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. All I’ve ever wanted is for my children to be happy.”

“Why did you need us all here?” Thor asks.

“I come bearing a warning. There is a war among the gods and titans. You must protect the magic of this universe and the universe itself… the Wakandan God has already fallen. My dear, Sigyn, you’ve already seen it have you not?”

“My dreams.” You pause, taking in the landscape around you, remembering your dream. “The sand and the symbols.”

“Good, you got my message then.”

“I still don’t understand them.”

“You will, in time. I can only offer you two things. First, you must find Steven Grant. Don’t worry too much. He will find you first.”

Loki ponders, “and what’s the second thing?” 

Frigga smiles as she closes the distance between you and her. She places her hand on your cheek. “You might be needing these, my dear.”

Your vision blurs, the breath leaves your lungs, and the world turns upside down. Your body falls as Loki brings his arms to catch you. Your vision and mind racing in dreams,  _ no _ memories. 

Your past life plays on in your mind as your body begins to shake and cry out, mourning a past life. Your eyes finally open, and an incredible sense of serenity overtakes your body.

Looking up at the sky after shedding a stream of tears, you could see for miles of blue. It’s never been so clear.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This chapter has been outlined for quite some time. I would also like to mention... I am co-writing a Draco fic with my friend and beta reader for this fic, Kat (krod934). First chapter will be uploaded tomorrow, it's gonna be SMUTTY!!!
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well, leave a kudos, bookmark, and comment pls!!  
> xx  
> Kayl


	13. XIII: A Clash of Iron

_ Looking up at the sky after shedding a stream of tears, you could see for miles of blue it’s never been so clear. _

**\------**

The very moment that the tears stop, you stand in a place where the rainbow is born and dies. Where the end of this life lies, you’ve always been insisting there was something that you’ve been longing for.

Today, you’ve reached the emotions unexplored and unprecedented. When you look up, you find the ocean eyes you’ve known for over a hundred years, the ones that tease you. In this moment, you give a kiss to time and continue looking up at the waves that beat around in his irises.

A smile spreads across your face. You’ve found your way to him, no longer chasing after his name.

“Loki.” You breathe his name in and out, like a prayer that has finally been answered.

You reach your hand out as he huddles over you, your hand reaching out to touch his face. 

Loki gasps in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he feels the warmth in your hand softly cradling his face.

You smile up at him, and for a few brief seconds, the world feels right. Two beating hearts synchronize together on a cliff in Norway, forming a union that transcends time and space. 

“What did she show you?”

“Everything.” 

Loki found his breath hitch in his throat. A lump swelling over the emotions he was trying to withhold, not letting them escape. Filled with overwhelming emotions, you tug Loki’s face down to your own, where your lips meet in a symphony of adoration and affection.

“I hate to interrupt, but what the hell just happened?”

Loki pulls away, tugging on your waist to stand you upright. You use the back of your hand to wipe away your tear spattered cheeks. You look up to Thor, a smile dancing across your face, “She gave me my memories back.”

————-

Thor offers to drive the three of you back, you climb in the back seat, followed by Loki. 

The short drive back to New Asgard is quiet, everyone going over the events on the cliff in their heads. Thor would consistently look in the rearview mirror, studying you and Loki. Your head rests on his shoulder, and his hand gently strokes your thigh. Exhaustion from the day settling in.

As you pull into the streets, Thor turns off the truck, looking back at you and Loki. 

“We need to speak with Heimdall.”

Thor reaches for the handle opening the door and walking off while you and Loki remain seated. His lips ghost over the crown of your head. “I suppose you want to talk?”

“We can talk later.” 

———-

Once again, you find yourself at a table with Thor, Loki, and Brunhilde, only this time the tall man with the golden eyes, Heimdall, is with you. 

Thor retold the events of the day, and when it got to Frigga, you could hear in his voice the tension and heaviness in his tone. 

Thor asks Heimdall if he can see Steven Grant. 

“I can’t see him… he is blocked from me.” 

Thor looks to Loki, raising an eyebrow. Loki only smirks, turning away. 

Eventually, the conversation turns… towards you. At this moment, you feel exposed. 

“Well, she gave me back my memories… So, I guess… um, there’s that.”

“What about the dreams? You mentioned you saw symbols?” 

“Yes, they looked like…” you take a pause, and then it hits you. “Holy shit, I never thought the American education system would be useful but holy shit.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They were hieroglyphics! Like Egyptian ones!” 

“Of course they are… they’re trying to expand their reach.”

“Frigga used to tell me stories,” you pause, trying to remember the lessons, “about the boundaries of the gods on Midgard.”

Loki adds, “A war between the gods would be disastrous, so we all had domains we were to preside over… the Grecian gods, Wakandan god, Egyptian gods, and us, the Norse gods.” 

You ponder a moment, mulling over the words.“Not to sound rude, but we aren’t looking terrific right now.”

Thor takes offense. Loki agrees with you. “Asgard has fallen… Odin and Mother are both gone from this world, and Thor, your hammer is gone. They also still believe Sigyn is dead.”

“Well, I’m not,” you respond, with mirth in your tone.

Thor sighs, “so, we are on the losing side?”

Loki hums before speaking, “it would appear as such.”

“Okay, but I’m not dead… wouldn’t they be able to see me after all this time?”

Heimdall chimes into the conversation. “No, your powers were only triggered by your proximity to Loki, and while Frigga’s magic is strong, there is inevitably a mortal element to you now considering your rebirth so you can’t ascend back to the pure godly-hood with ease.”

“So, how long before they figure out there’s another player in the game?” You sigh in frustration.

Loki’s voice interrupts your sigh. “You’re not another player in the game, Sigyn.”

Your gaze darts to Loki. “What the hell do you mean ‘I’m not another player?’”

“I mean, you are not fighting in this war.”

“Excuse me? That’s not really your decision now, is it?”

His voice comes out stern and steady. “Yes, it is. You’re not ready. Thor said it himself, your transition to godly hood is a liability, and I won’t lose you again.”

“Oh, I’m not ready? Let’s talk about something else Thor said earlier, and you said I wasn’t ready.”

Loki remains stoic and silent as he glares at you.

You raise your eyebrow at Loki, waiting for his response. The anger in you swells as the silence plagues on. “Is there something you want to tell me, Loki?”

Loki’s gaze hardens as he stares at you, his lips pressed in a firm, thin line. 

“Oh, the silent treatment? Real fucking mature, Loki.”

Loki loses his firm expression, his voice rising to level yours. “You’re mad at me for trying to protect you!?”

“No, I am mad at you for trying to make decisions for me!”

His expression falters; he speaks quietly. “I am not controlling you, my love. I am protecting you.”

“Protecting and controlling are two different fucking things,  _ babe. _ ” You place emphasis on the pet name in a mocking tone.

Loki swells in agitation. “You should really watch that mouth of yours.” 

Valkyrie watches the pair of you fight. She whispers to Thor, “do you think this is some kind of foreplay to them?”

Thor responds a little too loud to be considered a whisper, “I really wouldn’t be surprised with those two.”

Your anger flashes to the blond god, “Oh, do you have something you’d like to add, Thor?”

Thor stands from his seat, placing his hands on the table. “Loki, the young lass is a goddess. And I doubt there are many more unkillable gods with an obscure weakness to a green mineral to get in our way.”

You smile triumphantly at Loki while he sulks, crossing his arms. His gaze turns to you, his eyes darkened. 

‘ _ This isn’t over, my little Sigyn.’ _

You furrow your brows as you’re confident you heard Loki’s voice, but his lips didn’t move from the smirk that now spreads across his face. You think back to the times that it felt like Loki was reading your mind, your brain trying to find the memories where you both exchanged voiceless words.

You roll your eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today as you respond wordlessly. ‘ _ It’s not your decision to make, Loki.’ _

_ You asked me what I wanted from you once. I want to protect you…  _ Loki continues his thought out loud, “I don’t want to lose you again, darling.” 

_ ‘I was an Avenger before I was this… well technically in between this. I’m more than capable of defending myself.’  _

“I am aware of this, but last time you faced a god, you died,” Loki replies.

“What makes you think I want you fighting one? What if I asked you to step down from the fight?” 

Loki responds in your mind again. ‘ _ You underestimate my capabilities, love.’  _

_ ‘And you underestimate mine.’  _

Loki doesn’t respond to you. He stares out the small window, ignoring you.

_ ‘Don’t ignore me. Is there something I can do to prove my worthiness to you?’ _

His eyes flash to yours. ‘ _ Don’t get cheeky with me.’  _

Again, your eyes roll.  _ “ _ Who says I’m cheeky?”

Brunhilde stares between the pair of you, mixing a silent argument with words. “Wait, am I missing something?” 

Thor groans. “Son of a bitch, you’re doing that mind-reading thing, aren’t you two?!” 

“Well, according to Loki, I’m not supposed to be doing anything.” You stand from the table, avoiding the gaze of ocean eyes, grabbing your phone before you depart. “I’m going to call Sam and fill him in on what’s happening.”

You walk out the door, pacing the yard as the phone dials.

Sam picks up, “Hey, Star. How’s it going in Asgard 2.0?

“Honestly? It’s a shit show…”

“Yeah? It’s like that here too.”

“The compound?”

“No, Tony sent me to Wakanda.”

“Why are you in Wakanda?”

“...Bucky is missing.”

“What?! How do you lose someone in a place like that?” 

“A multitude of reasons…he’s gone Winter Soldier mode, and we haven’t been able to track him. T’challa says his powers aren’t working properly either. It’s fucking anarchy here.”

You remember Frigga’s warning.  _ The Wakandan God has already fallen. _

“Shit. Sam…”

“Y/N?”

“I… um, got my memories back.”

“So, wait, you really are the Siggy person?”

“My name is Sigyn, not Siggy.”

“And you’re sure Loki isn’t just manipulating you?”

“Yes. You can ask the others here yourself if you don’t trust me.” 

Sam pauses on the phone, remembering your conversation from the other day. “I didn’t say that, Starshine.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I need to tell you how I got them back.”

“Look, you know I would love to stay on the phone and talk, but I mean, we are missing a man that killed over 23 people-“

You interrupt him before he can dismiss you further. “Just shut up and listen to the story. I think it has something to do with it.”

“Damn, okay. I’m listening.”

You recount to Sam the strange events that occurred on the cliff. Updating him on the new information revealed earlier.

“We‘ve narrowed it down to the Egyptian gods. One or multiple of them are expanding beyond their boundaries. They’re targeting the Norse boundary next because we are weak.”

“We?”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you… I’m a goddess.”

“Are you sure that’s not just a pet name the Emo Space Prince has given you?” 

“Yes, I am sure. Besides, he calls me all this fluffy shit like ‘love’ and ‘darling.’ It would be vomit-inducing if it wasn’t him saying it.” 

“Oh my god... you totally had sex with him.”

“SAM, THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!”

“OH MY GOD! You’re not even going to deny it, are you?”

“Wait, you didn’t tell Tony about us, did you?”

Just then, as if summoned, Tony appears in his suit. “Didn’t tell Tony what?”

You stare at his suit; it’s silver and bounces in the sunlight. Horizontal paneling parallels the suit. A sense of dread and panic overwhelms you as you remember his question. 

“Oh shit. Sam, I gotta go.” You quickly hang up your phone. 

You hear Tony through his suit. “Well, let’s hear it. What didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh…um,” you struggle to find words, “there’s a war coming?”

“Nice try, kid.  _ That _ is something Thor told me. Who is this ‘us’?”

“Oh, you know, ‘us.’ Like the Asgardians here!” Your voice waivers with guilt. In an attempt to change the subject, “Did he also tell you about me getting my memories back?”

You hear Tony’s irritation through the suit. His eyes scanning the yard before his gaze falls on you. “Let me ask you something… do you think I’m against Wanda and Vision being together… even if one of them is a purple robot?”

Your mouth gapes open. “Wait, they’re together now?”

“Besides the point… I’m very progressive, mind you, but seriously kid? Rock of Ages?”

Your shocked expression and calculating words cause you to misstep. “How did you know it’s Loki and me?”

“I didn’t, but I do now… Y/N, I told you to hold his leash not... _ fornicate _ with the enemy.”

“He’s not the enemy, Tony.”

Tony continues his scan of the yard. “Where is the little bastard anyway?”

Loki appears from the doorway. His eyes drink in the sight of the suit of iron. “I believe you were looking for me?”

Tony takes the sudden appearance of Loki, blasting him in the chest. The body of Loki vanishes and appears next to you, putting a shield between Tony and you. 

Tony advances. His arms coming out to grab at Loki, pulling him away from you.

“What did I say about staying away from her?”

You yell, “TONY, STOP!”

Tony looks over at you. “Stay out of this one. This is between me and,” his gaze falls back to Loki, “your Prince Charming.”

“Good to see you too, Stark.” Loki vanishes again from his grasp, putting up illusion after illusion.

Instead of his usual daggers, Loki flourishes a long spear, twirling it between his hands. As he spins the spear, his clothes shift to leathers of navy and dark forest green. “Did you come to talk or fight, Stark?” 

“I came to hear you confess.”

Loki lunges. He lands a quick thrust on the belly of the Iron Man, but to no effect. Tony blasts at him and misses. The long spear lances in above his head. Like a serpent's tongue, it flickers in and out, feinting low and landing high, jabbing at groin, shield, eyes.

“Whatever should I be confessing for?” Loki grunts.

The Norse God keeps circling, jabbing, then darting back again, forcing the man in the iron suit to turn and turn again. Tony is losing sight of him, or so the raven-haired god thinks. 

“Oh, I don’t know?” Tony finally lands a punch. “Broken promises?” But he barely misses a jab from the spear. ”Manipulation?” Tony draws back for another blow and punches a clone. “Mind games?” The clone vanishes.

Loki taunts again. “I’ve done nothing of the sorts.”

Around the yard, spectators begin to gather to watch the duel between a man of iron and a man as quick as a serpent. You see Thor stand next to you. His arms crossed. “This again?”

Loki throws a powerful lunge at Tony, and the spear goes right through Tony’s chest. Barely missing the arc reactor, but almost certainly hitting his heart. Sparks flare around the entry point. You and Thor gasp. Thor ready to defend Tony, your hesitation flares between Loki and Tony, your heartbreaking at the decision.

However, without missing a beat, Tony uses this wound to land a solid blast on Loki, sending him flying.

Loki tumbles but quickly recovers back into a fighting stance, “You aren’t here… are you, Stark?”

“You’re halfway across the world, and I have other responsibilities other than disciplining you.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, but now you can’t help but be annoyed, “The remote-controlled suits give me anxiety when they take lethal damage.”

Back and forth, the two move across the yard, and round and round in spirals, Loki begins slashing at the air while Tony’s blasts start landing at the arm, and leg, twice at his chest. The blows send Loki to the ground.

You huff in annoyance, “I’m not intervening again.”

“You might want to; that’s a new suit.” Your eyes leave the duel to stare at Thor, brows furrowed and mouth agape. 

Tony’s blows begin connecting to the spear every time Loki lunges at him. Again, Loki topples to the ground, the smirk starting to fall from his face. Your eyes find Loki’s, and you can feel his sudden panic.

You gasp. “Son of a bitch. Machine learning?” 

Thor nods, “I know little about it, but it seems to be Tony’s own counter to illusions. I offered some Asgardian designs, which is why the suit looks like The Destroyer.”

From the ground, Loki stands. His smirk was now replaced with a deadly snarl, his lip bloodied. “I never promised she would stay away from me.”

This time, when Loki lunges, his spear is dwindled down to the sharp end. Loki raises his arm, ready to strike but drops it quickly as Stark raises his arm. Loki catches what remains of the spear with his other hand. 

A clash is heard. Metal meets metal with an ear-splitting clang, sending the trickster reeling to the ground.

In a flash, you stand over Loki, protecting him. Your eyes glowing and tendrils of golden light enveloping you and him in a shield.

“Tony! That’s enough.”

Thor shouts loudly. “Stark, the ‘Loki buster’ works. Now put away your toys.”

Tony raises his hand, his suit powering another blast.

“I said that’s enough.” You power circles around the suit, sending it flying back away from Loki and yourself.

You turn your back to the crumpled suit, hands searching for Loki. They find his face. Your hand gently wiping away the blood from his lips. He’s alive but beaten up. Tony might have actually killed him if you didn’t intervene.

“That’s it, Starshine, you’re suspended.”

You whirl around to the suit. “You can’t suspend me for no reason!”

“I just did.”

Thor takes a moment to speak. “Well, Loki didn’t want you going on this mission anyway, so-”

Your gaze strikes Thor, your words cutting through the air like a knife, your anger at him for helping Tony against Loki. “How about you shut the fuck up, Weather Boy.”

After Loki finds his footing to stand next to you, you break apart from his hands, searching for you, trying to keep you both grounded. Striding over to the suit, your temper on a rampage.

“I am sick and fucking tired of people telling me what I can and cannot do.” Your rage from your fight with Loki boils over, dripping now onto Tony.

“Y/N-”

“No, Tony. You listen and listen closely. Everyone fucking underestimates me, and I am sick and fucking tired of it. Everyone wants to treat me like some fragile being. But  _ I _ am the one who came here seeking answers. And  _ I _ am the one that got them.  _ I am not some child; I am a fucking goddess. _ And it’s damn time I get treated as such. Stop treating everyone around you like you're on some vengeance spree every time something doesn’t go your way.”

“Fine, you’re not suspended. Is that what you want to hear?”

“What  _ I want _ is for people to stop making decisions for me.”

“Don’t push your luck, kid. Loverboy has been off his leash too long. You’re _both_ coming back to the compound.”

Thor opens his mouth again to speak, hesitant with the thick tension permeating the air. “Stark, my brother has not been manipulating anyone. Especially not Lady Sigyn.”

“Wait, who the hell is Sigyn?” Tony huffs in annoyance.

Loki takes a moment to find his way to you, his hand searching for yours. “She is.” 

“Loki, love.” Your gaze pointed to him. “Stop talking.”

From across the world, Tony ponders the sudden submission from Loki. He assumed Loki would’ve lashed out at you, being told that from anyone else definitely would’ve resulted in the loss of limbs. But Loki’s downward gaze and his eyes piercing you like you’re the only person in the room, he recognizes it. It’s the same one he gives Pepper now. 

He had seen the footage from before, the one of Loki holding on to your body, cradled in his arms. The way you had nestled your face into his chest, and he fought anyone who had tried to take you away from him. Tony’s gaze from his glasses looks between Loki’s stare at you and yourself. He realizes he’s fighting a lost battle.

Thor’s response only reassures Tony’s new revelation. “We need them both here, Stark. New Asgard will fall without them, and surely the rest of the world with it.”

Tony sighs, never one to readily admit when he’s wrong. He goes for the joke, to deflect. “Just make sure you’re using protection.” 

The suit turns, ready to depart before you shout loudly. “Anthony Edward Stark,” a vein presses against your forehead, “how did you know Loki and I have had sex?!”

Wishing he had gone for a different joke, one that didn’t paint a mental image in his own mind, he panics. “Oh, I think the Spider-kid needs me now… you know how he is! Kids, am I right?!”

The suit flies off before the conversation can continue. A small squared foil packet falling from the sky. 

Thor squats, picking up the packet, and stares back up at the sky. “When did he start carrying around these?”

Your face brushes profusely, remembering the crowd around you. You bury your face in your hands. Loki steps around you, grabbing your forearms so he can look upon your face. You sigh after meeting his eyes. 

“I guess they know now.”

Loki smiles at you, “at least I can do this now.” His arms pull your body into his, and his lips connect with yours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, sorry this chapter is shorter than usual. It mainly serves a transition chapter to get characters into places they need to be and tie up loose ends. SO EXCITED TO INTRODUCE THE NEXT ARC OF THE FIC. IT'S GONNA BE AMAZING AND ITS HEAVY PWP <3
> 
> lmk your thoughts.  
> xoxo gossip girl, jk it's Kayl


	14. XIV: Broken

As Loki holds you in his arms, the taste of iron erupts in your mouth, the crimson from his lips staining yours. You push him back, groaning. “ _ Loki _ .” You wipe your hand across your mouth.

Loki stares at you, a small smile dancing across his face, utterly oblivious to the anger filling you from his duel with Tony’s suit.

You speak in a hushed whisper, your tone low and threatening. “I am still mad at you.”

Loki’s gaze flickers away from yours and settles on the person approaching the pair of you. Your eyes travel following him to land on the dark-haired figure in a dark red button-up and dark denim jeans.

Your eyes widen, and the small girl approaches you. Her mouth agape, and her brows raised high on her forehead. She has a round face, amber eyes, and olive skin. It seems so familiar. Her voice draws out the memories.

“Sigyn?”

Her dark hair billows in the breeze as she looks at you, tears pricking her eyes.

“This is who I mentioned… the other person here who knew you.”

You nod at Loki before turning back to face her. “Danika.”

“They mentioned you were here… but I didn’t know if you would remember me.”

You pull away from Loki, standing just a few feet away from Danika. You smile at her, recalling the memories.

_ You remember your first day at court in Asgard. You had found your way to court in search of a teacher. Danika had been the one to suggest you seek out Frigga.  _

_ You remember her visiting your quarters late one night and drinking together. You ended up sleeping in the bathtub because you had insisted you were dirty and needed a bath. You never even made it to turn on the water. She giggled with you at breakfast when Loki asked why you were late to lessons that morning. _

“Yeah… I actually just got my memories back, um, today.”

She smiles at you, also remembering your moments together. She looks at Loki, sensing the tension between the two of you. Even if she loved to gossip with you, she knew better than to pry right now, especially with his protective stance over you.

“Well, I’m sure Thor can show you where my home is sometimes. I would love to be able to catch up, maybe over some tea?” She smirks, “or wine?”

You nod at her.

**\------**

You and Loki walk silently back to the house, his wounds already healed after his fight with the avatar. Once inside, you stride past him, the anger still lingering.

He places his hands on your hips as you stand in the small kitchen, hands on the counter and head dipped down. 

“You’re mad.”

You turn around, and your eyes snap up to his. You pull out of his grasp, needing distance.

“Did you know?”

Loki remains silent; his lips are drawn in a thin line.

“Loki, tell me… when you- when you stabbed him-?”

He rolls his eyes at you. “I really don’t see what all the fuss is about.”

Your anger lashes through you, your voice rising. “You don’t see what all the fuss is about?! Loki, you could’ve killed him!”

“You act as if I haven’t killed others. I do not care for your Avengers as you do, Sigyn.” His voice is stoic and not betrays his emotions.

“I  _ am _ an Avenger, Loki.”

He scoffs at you, not realizing your inner turmoil. “What do you want me to say? That I knew it was an avatar? Would that make you feel better?”

“Loki, they are the only family I have. You have to understand why this upsets me!” Your arms flail around you, theatrical as ever.

He approaches you, pulling your hand into his own, voice barely above a whisper. “You have me.”

You stare up at him, trying to find a resolve. “I can have more than one person I care about.”

“You don’t need them.” His brows furrow as you yank your hand out of his.

“No. You don’t get to make that decision for me… really, you don’t get to make  _ any _ decisions for me!”

You turn away, storming off to your room where your bags are. You begin throwing your things in your bag. Needing space away from Loki, time to think alone. 

“What are you doing?”

You brush past him, ignoring him. You grab the last of your items, tossing them in the bag. Your hands shake with fury as you zip your bag up. Slender fingers wrap around your wrist, stopping your movement. You let out a breath of air, turning your body to face Loki. 

You stare into his eyes, hoping that you can get through to him. “How am I supposed to ‘have you’ when you’re still keeping secrets from me?”

He rolls his eyes at you. “This again?”

“Yes! This again!” You shake your wrist away from his hold, trying to put distance between the pair of you.

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop lying and keeping things from me! Thor said you pride yourself on never having lied to me.” Your voice is laced with venom, like a snake going in for the kill, “It seems like you broke that rule real quick,  _ Liesmith. _ ” 

You brush past him, making your way through the small house, Loki on your tail. 

“Where are you going?”

You turn to him, eyes narrowed, trying to hold back tears. “Away from you.”

You walk out the door, the night time chill hitting your face as the tears slowly start falling. You don’t dare to turn back, afraid of what you’ll see. A part of you knows he’s not going to come after you. But then that other part of you begs for you to turn back around and let him wipe away your tears. 

You feel exhausted after the events of today, standing alone in the dark of the small village. You didn’t really think this through as you wonder where you will sleep tonight.

“Lady Sigyn?”

Thor’s voice draws you out of your thoughts. You slowly turn to face him, hiding your face by looking to the ground. Tangles from your hair gather to shield you.

You sniffle, trying to find the words. 

“Is everything okay?”

By this point, your breaths are coming in as short puffs of air, your cheeks would glisten in the moonlight if you weren’t hiding your face. Your body shakes as you look for words.

_ No, nothing is right _ . You want to say it, but your voice barely comes out.

“Should I get my brother?” 

You finally look up from the ground in a panic, not wanting to go back to him at the moment. Your swollen and red eyes find Thor, his face etched with concern.

You shake your head, unable to form any more coherent words. You let out the last of your strength finally, “can I stay with you?”

“Whatever it is my brother has done, I will-”

“Please.”

Thor silences himself coming toward you to grab your bags. He gently picks them up, slow as to not frighten you.

Once inside Thor’s home, you stare out the window in the living room as he gathers blankets and pillows for you. 

“I hope the couch is okay?”

You don’t respond, lost in your thoughts as you daze out the window.

Were you overreacting? You know Loki cares about you. But, this was the lack of respect for both you and your relationship. How does he expect you to sit by and watch as the world crumbles around you? 

“Y/N?”

You don’t know how, but just feeling his level of concern for you makes the tears fall even harder. 

“It’s okay,” your voice barely above a whisper, “thank you.”

When you sleep that night, it’s dreams of the world around you crumbling and Loki’s face betraying you. He watches you fall and fall. Unlike your past dreams, where he’s there to catch you… you’re shrouded in darkness, his presence completely absent. He wasn't there to catch you, and when you woke up, he wasn't there either. 

**_\------_ **

You hear muffled voices from your place on the couch. You keep your eyes closed, so they don’t know you’re awake.

“Can you let her stay with you?”

“Of course I will… Do you know what happened?”

“No, but knowing my brother, it doesn’t surprise me.”

You hear movement by you. Feet approaching you. 

“Sigyn? I need you to wake up.”

You groan, wanting to keep your eyes shut and the darkness of sleep to hold you down forever. 

“I don’t think you’ll want to be here when Loki comes over…”

His name makes you snap your eyes open, meeting her warm chocolate eyes.

“Hi there, sleepyhead.” She smiles softly at you.

Your eyes are swollen and puffy from a night spent crying, your voice scratches with sleep. “Hi.”

**_\------_ **

You find yourself standing inside Danika’s home. Similar to the home you’ve been sharing with Loki, but the decor is different. It’s a cluster of random furniture that somehow, although all different, compliment each other. It feels warm and cozy, just like the one you had with Loki. 

Tears threaten to spill over your eyes as you look at the fireplace, books lining the mantle. So, similar to the one a few houses down. When you first arrived in Norway and saw the fireplace with a warm fluffy rug, you imagined taking a book and curling up next to the fire in Loki’s arms. 

You almost want to laugh at yourself for your immature daydreams. Of course, that’s all your relationship was—a dream. And your heart breaks knowing it's already over, short-lived and passionate, but around just as quick as it came. 

Your heartaches and longs to be with him, but your heart also burns with the thoughts of the future. What future could you have with him? 

Maybe in your past life, you could’ve been happy. Gotten married, had children, had a family. You remember the rumors. The little birds that whispered of a proposal between gold and green. But he left, and then you had died, and the proposal had died with you. 

“Sigyn?”

Danika’s voice breaks you from your depressing thoughts. You look over at her, remaining silent. 

“Do you want to lay down for a bit?”

You nod your head, following her into the spare bedroom.

You feel like you're having an out of body experience. Your thoughts overtaking your mind as you numbly move around, settling into the bed. 

What future could you have with him now?

You’re certain your team would struggle to trust you if you had decided on a future with him. The foundation was already rocky because of the last year of events. If Loki had, in fact, killed Tony yesterday, where would that leave you?

Thor hadn’t thought to hesitate; he’s always wary of his brother. Although you know, he sees the good in him. In fact, he’s the only Avenger who hasn’t questioned your relationship with Loki. If that’s what you would even call it. Thor was genuinely happy for you when he saw you and Loki. 

Still, the question remained… Where did your loyalties lie? Once, they would’ve been with Loki. Recalling these new-- no old-- memories, you do not doubt that you and Loki once loved each other deeply. Your only loyalties being to each other. 

But just because you loved each other once upon a time, does that mean you were still destined to love each other now? You were once happy together. You fit like a puzzle piece. 

But now, the puzzle pieces were too different to fit, too broken and jagged. That happiness was gone, and only heartbreak remained. The next question plagued your mind... Do you love him?

Once, you know you did. You were irrevocably in love with him. But now. Now, the foundation had been set for you to fall into that abyss again. But the foundation crumbled when Loki stabbed through Tony’s suit. When he’s lied continuously and kept things from you. And when he’s tried to control you and your decisions.

Your thoughts carry yourself into the abyss of sleep, as tears stream down your face and sobs wreck your shaking body.

**\------**

Loki walks into the dining area he’s become acquainted with over the last few days. He hasn’t seen you and the only time the conversation is brought up is when Thor has had one too many beers.

Those nights, it ended up in a fight between brothers. Thor had taken to flipping between condescending remarks about Loki’s behavior to begging him to apologize to you. But Loki, being who he is, is stubborn.

“Heimdall, has there been any progress on locating Steven Grant?” 

The large, dark-skinned man closes his eyes. A soft hum can be heard as his brows furrow. When he opens them, he looks almost defeated. “I’ve been trying for days now; I can’t find him. It’s like he doesn’t exist.”

Although Loki has been wearing a mask of his usual indifference, reveling in snarky comments the last few days without you. Something about today irks at him. His nightmares have gotten worse, and his sleep-deprived state has forced him to think. Overthink. And then think some more.

“It’s magic,” Loki says bluntly. He shrugs, feeling numb inside. 

Brunhilde speaks, staring directly at Loki. “Okay, seriously. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss the old Loki.” 

Thor quirks his eyebrow at her, trying to decide where the change of topic came from. 

“I’m serious. One minute you’re trying to stab everyone who annoys you, the next minute you’re doting on a girl, and now you’re sitting here. Brooding like some limp dick head who had his heart torn out. Just go apologize to her, I’m sure she is just as miserable as you.”

Loki would usually thrive hearing that someone who has hurt him is also in pain. But you, hearing of your misery, makes his heart clench. His jaw tightens, the anger rising in him. His voice is stern and unwavering. “That’s none of your concern.”

Heimdall sighs in frustration. “Your fight with her is causing issues for all of us. We need her here. Your mother gifted her with the sight.” 

Brunhilde stands from the table, glaring at Loki. “If you won’t talk to her, then I will.”

**\------**

The Valkyrie stands in the doorway of Danika’s home, trying to peer inside to catch a glimpse around.

“Hey, is Y/N around?” She asks Danika.

Her brows furrow in response, realization dawning over her. “Oh… um, do you mean Sigyn?”

Brunhilde smiles and nods her head.

“Yeah, she’s in the kitchen.” Danika steps to the side, letting the Valkyrie enter.

Brun walks in, looking around the room. Her gaze falls upon you. Curled up in a chair, a blanket wrapped around you and a cup of lukewarm tea in your hands. 

“You look like shit.”

Your gaze snaps up, the emptiness in you overwhelming. “Feel like it too.”

She crosses the room, looking around the comfortable and tidy home. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” You shrug your shoulders under the warm fleece, your eyes glazing over as you watch the tea in your cup.

She sighs, sitting in front of you on the ottoman. “It’s not nothing. Tell me.”

You sigh. “He doesn’t listen to me.”

“Oh, my gods, that’s why you’re ignoring each other?”

“It’s not just that it’s everything. I let myself get so swept up in this idea that he could love me that I forgot _ who _ he was.”

“So, you’re neglecting your mission because some boy broke your heart?”

“He didn’t-”

“Oh, save it. I’ve had to see him brood and wallow in misery the last few days while you’ve been crying yourself to sleep every night. Do you know how many new chairs we’ve had to buy because Thor and he won’t stop fighting?”

Your brows furrow, meeting her dark amber eyes.

“It’s been 3 days; you haven’t left this house. And Thor and Loki have broken 4 chairs. FOUR OF THEM!”

“So, I should forgive him because of a couple broken chairs?”

“No. You shouldn’t forgive him. But you shouldn’t neglect your mission.”

Guilt wracks your body. Tony had relented and trusted you enough to maintain a watch on Loki, even if the relationship went beyond platonic or civil. You hadn’t seen him in three days. Every day you wallowed in your own misery, you didn’t go on runs, you barely ate meals. 

By this point, you just felt numb inside. Deciding to cope by suppressing your feelings. Still, you found yourself crying at night, wishing the pain to go away. 

You were so caught up in your own life and heartbreak, you completely abandoned the mission. The Egyptian god or gods were out there, slowly taking over the world, and here you were crying into your cup of tea.

“If you don’t help the mission, Loki gets exactly what he wants.”

“What?”

“Thor talks a lot when he’s drunk. Loki wants to protect you, right?” You nod your head, wondering where the conversation is heading. “So, you are not fighting, not participating? It’s exactly what he wants.”

“But he’ll be there.”

“Do you always avoid people when you’re mad at them?”

“Yes.”

“So, then show him your anger through indifference.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Come with me to the meeting tomorrow. Come train with me. Show him that this fight isn’t affecting you.”

“But it  _ is _ affecting me.”

“Lie.”

“What? I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“Because- because that’s what he does… His indifference and lies are what lead us here. I would just be doing exactly to him what he does to me!”

“You think he’s indifferent to you?”

It wasn't right; you knew he was not indifferent to you or your feelings. But sometimes, even with his intellect, he could be incredibly thick-headed. Like him not wanting you to have to rely on anyone else but himself. Or him trying to keep you from the fight, from doing your job. Driving a wedge between you and your teammates. He was trying to hold you back under the guise of protection, but you didn’t need it. 

You’d been on your own for so long, you were afraid to lose your independence. Your new family understood that you often needed space and didn’t like to ask for help. Why couldn’t he figure that out?

Your silence answers her questioning. “I’m not saying you need to lie to him… we really do need you out there. Heimdall says you have the sight?”

“The sight? What’s that mean?”

“That you can see the future?”

“I’ve only ever seen the past, though… and that one time I guess I saw the future?”

“Well, come to the meetings… get those answers you came here for.”

You gaze off into your cup of tea again. “I’ll think about it.”

“If he tries anything, I would be more than happy to cut his dick off for you.”

**\------**

You sit in the room. The opposite side from Loki, as far as way as you can. But that doesn’t stop his gaze as he watches you. You don’t dare to look over at him, afraid that he will break your composure you’ve managed to piece together. Instead, you stare at your phone.

**𝚂𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚢: 𝙰𝚗𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜** ? **𝙷𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎.**

You stare nervously at your phone, your guilt from ignoring the mission the last few days overriding you. You chew on your bottom lip.

**𝚈𝚘𝚞: 𝙸𝚗 𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚗𝚘𝚠… 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚂𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢. 𝙰𝚗𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢** ?

**𝚂𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚢: 𝙽𝚘𝚙𝚎, 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚑𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍. 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎’𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚒𝚛𝚍 𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑.**

**𝚈𝚘𝚞: … 𝙻𝚘𝚔𝚒 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚊 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝.**

**𝚂𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚢: 𝙳𝚘 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎** ?

**𝚈𝚘𝚞: 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎**

**𝚂𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚢: 𝙳𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝** ?

**𝚈𝚘𝚞: 𝚈𝚎𝚜**

**𝚈𝚘𝚞: 𝙽𝚘**

**𝚈𝚘𝚞: 𝚄𝚐𝚑**

**𝚈𝚘𝚞: 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠**

“Sigyn, do I need to confiscate your phone?” Thor’s voice breaks through your concentration.

You shake your head, putting your phone away. 

“As I was saying, we need to narrow down possible gods that could be controlling this.”

You respond. “Well, they’re the Egyptian ones. Sam just said there have been sandstorms in Wakanda.”

“Might I suggest it be better to go there?” Loki looks over at you, studying you.

You ignore his gaze as you respond to his question. “No, Wakanda is lost already to the blithe. My vision was in Norway. So, we can assume that whoever it is will come to us.” 

_ So, you’re talking to me now. _ Loki’s voice breaks through your shield. You glare at him from across the table, building the wall back up to keep him out, brick by brick. You turn around to Thor as Brun asks about the Grant guy.

“Steven Grant? Do we have any information on him?”

“We are still waiting on Stark to get back to us on that.”

You find it odd they haven’t asked about the missing Winter Soldier. “And what about Bucky?”

Brunhilde furrows her brows. “Who the hell is Bucky?” 

You roll your eyes. “The Winter Soldier… wait, is Sam not talking to any of you? Or Steve?”

“No, we haven’t heard from them.”

You silently curse yourself, feeling even more guilty for abandoning the mission and leaving them to their own. “Ohhh. That’s my fault. I assume Sam thought I would tell you.”

The three of them stare at you, waiting for you to continue. “Bucky went missing a few days ago. After that is when the sandstorms started hitting. King T’challa says the magic of the Black Panther is tainted. He can’t connect to the Ancestral Plane either.”

Loki’s icy gaze falls on you again. “And what does a missing Avenger have to do with this?”

“Well, using my powerful deductive reasoning… he’s been activated. But the triggers were already removed from him. So, how someone was able to activate him is a mystery…. Or you could say magic?” Your voice is laden with mockery and sarcasm as you glare at him.

Loki bites back. “That’s a large jump to conclusions. We really should be focusing on the gods, not some geriatric assassin.”

“You’re seriously going to sit there and undermine me?”

Loki stays silent, trying to penetrate the wall of your mind. 

“Stop that.” 

Loki smiles at you, and you want nothing more than to wipe that smirk off his face. You stand from the table, all eyes in the room darting between you and Loki. 

“I’m not going to sit here and be undermined by a liar.” Your vicious words cut through Loki. His own anger boiled as well. 

You walk out of the house, leaving behind wondering eyes.

**\------** **_the next day_ **

“You need to focus your energy and your breathing, Sigyn.”

You huff in frustration, feeling unbalanced. “I’m trying.”

“You need courage, Sigyn! Courage is to look your fear in the eye and know that it has no dominion over you! Fear scatters your breathing. When you toss your fear into the dust, breathing is the sword ever at your hip! Breathe with courage, and you will never want for power.”

“What?”

“What”

You and Heimdall had been at this for two hours now. Trying to control your powers and abilities. You close your eyes, opening up your mind to will your powers to manifest. Taking a deep breath in. Out. In. Out.

Your powers had become so attached to your emotions that you had no control over them. It was in times of desperation and despair that you could control them, and even then, it was very little control.

When you open your eyes, you feel yourself radiating power, eyes glowing golden like the sun and fingers dancing with tendrils of glittering gold. You smile, for the first time in days, genuinely. 

But the moment is short-lived as the glow flickers out. You forgot to continue breathing.

“I can’t do it.” You groan.

“Don’t tell me the goddess of victory is giving up?”

Your arms flail in the air. “We’ve been trying this for two hours.”

Heimdall grins at you. “I wasn’t just talking about the powers.”

Realization dawns on you at his implication.  _ Loki _ .

“Choosing to love someone like him will never be easy, Sigyn.”

You sigh, taking a seat in the grass. “I didn’t choose to… and I don’t-”

You cut yourself off, unable to fully understand the full scope of your own feelings. 

“You asked for time away, right? So, the question is, who goes after who?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You walked out on him, and you asked him for space, my dear. He’s trying to give you space.”

You mull over your words. You had told him you wanted to be away from him. You also called him the one name you knew he loathed,  _ Liesmith _ . 

“I just want him to open up to me.”

“How can you expect him to do that when you push him away?”

You hadn’t even thought of it like that. You’d been so caught up in your own feelings that you didn’t even think about his own. Brunhilde had said he’s been miserable and on edge. At this moment, you felt selfish.

“How is this supposed to help me with my powers again?”

“Your powers are tied to your emotional state. You feel like you’ve failed, correct?”

You nod your head. 

“Being the goddess of victory gives you a disadvantage when failure seems inevitable.”

You mouth a silent ‘o’ understanding the meaning and his intentions. You stand up, your head clearer. You want to fix things with Loki, but you’re not sure how.

“Okay, let’s try this again and call it a day?”

You close your eyes, instead of thinking empty thoughts, you focus on your relationship with Loki. Trying to find the balance, you think of his eyes. A soft smile spreads across your face. Unbeknownst to you, your breathing has steadied naturally, and the soft glow at your fingertips reaches out and ruffles the grass around you.

**_\------that night_ **

_ Black wings flap around you. Shadows dancing in the moonlight. You turn and turn again. Looking for the threat. The darkness taunts you as they whip past you. Teasing you. Finally, a shadow flies upward, catching your gaze. Your eyes dart up, the pale full moon. It feels like the moon itself was taunting you. When suddenly, darkness creeps over you, sending a chill down your body.  _

_ “You’re too late little Sigyn. It’s already started. He will fall, just as they all will.” _

You wake with a jolt, your heart pounding. The sheets pooling around your waist, your body glistening with sweat in the moonlight that peers through slits in the curtains. 

_ Whoever the owner of the voice was, they know. And they’re coming for him. _ Your hands frantically search the bed, looking for him. But you can’t find him. It’s only a few moments later, you remember he isn’t here. Loki wasn’t with you. 

Your heart pangs with the gaping hole left behind when you walked out on him. Your feet carry you to your bag, pulling out clothes. The walls feel like they’re caving in as you grab your shoes and slip them on. You dart out the door, not looking back.

You want to run your body down with exhaustion, then maybe you will feel something other than this heartbreak and panic.

The wind whips through your hair, your feet pounding the ground. You let the movement carry you, on and on, until you find yourself breathless with exhaustion. 

Looking out over the cliffs, you watch as moonlight dances along the tidal waves that beat along the rocky landscape below. The night sky looming over you, luring you. 

You stare at the moon. “What mysteries do you hold?” 

You take a deep breath, letting the smell of the ocean filter through your senses. 

Your fight with Loki replays in your head. You knew who he was and what he had done. But that didn’t stop you from seeking him out, accepting his touch and affection. So, why did it bother you so much now?

What scared you so much? Who was he? Or was it… who you were afraid to become when you were with him? 

You sit down, idling, running your fingers through the waving grass. You peer out at the horizon, the moon ominously staring back at you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the patience on this chapter, i had chemical burns on my hands last week and wasn't able to write what i needed to. The adventure will begin soon with our asgardian team. :) 
> 
> Pls leave a kudos, comment, and bookmark <3 xoxo kayl


	15. XV: Puzzle Pieces

You stand up, brushing the debris left behind from the grass off your pants. The chill from the breeze had begun to settle in, and the dropping temperature made you shiver. 

Walking back, you see movement in the sky. Sudden dread settles into your bones. Your gaze narrows—your voice gets stuck in your throat, a scream unable to raise up, it can’t get past the welling of panic rising in you. You sprint off, running away. You don’t know what you’re running from, but your flight or fight response has kicked in. Usually, you would’ve fought, but your instincts tell you to run. To hide.

You make it to the village, but your foot gets stuck in debris on the ground, and you find yourself falling. Shooting pain in your ankle causes you to cry out and clutch it, tears beginning to fall from your eyes from the pain. 

A dark, tall, and looming figure casts a shadow over you, and your panic settles in full force. You calm your breathing, trying to remember your lessons with Heimdall, but it's too late; hands circle around your waist and under your knees. Lifting you up.

That’s when you smell it—pine and leather. You huff out between sobs, “Loki?”

He hums, and sudden relief washes over you. You bury your face into his neck, letting your arms circle around him. Though the fear you harbored is quickly draining from you, tears betray you and continue to fall.

Loki carries you the rest of the way to the home. When he enters, he sets you on the bed. You finally open your eyes, noticing it’s not the room you stayed in with Loki, but rather the room where you were initially supposed to be staying.

Loki is silent as he settles onto the floor, his eyes not meeting yours. You watch him, studying the way he moves delicate and gentle.

He holds your ankle, pulling up your pant leg to examine it. He takes off your shoe and then, in turn, your sock, surveying the damage. When he turns it a particular way, you wince at the pain that shoots up your leg.

“That hurts.”

Loki’s brows are furrowed in a careful concentration. He begins circling his hands around your ankle, glittering green mist swirling and lacing through the bone—mending and repairing it, of course. Your eyes scrunch together at the pain; it’s nothing like the other times he’s done this, helping superficial pain. This was painful.

You bite down on your lip, trying to distract yourself. “Someone was following me.”

Loki continues his movements, his sudden silence alarming you. Eventually, the glittering mist stops, and just like that, your ankle looks perfectly fine. But when you twist it around, there’s a very slight trace of pain. You look down at Loki, raising your brows.

“Thank you.” You say in a small voice.

Loki stands, towering over you. “You should stay here. It’s late, and your ankle needs some time to heal on its own. I don’t want to interfere too much with your body’s natural healing abilities, but it should be fine by morning.”

Loki walks out of the room and across the hall before you can even open your mouth to protest. When he returns, you’re staring down at your hands; they hadn’t even moved to grab him or gesture to otherwise halt his departure. He tosses you a set of his clothes and leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Hot and cold. Why was everything always that way with him? You weren’t expecting a joyous reunion or anything, but you were chased and injured, and he barely spoke to you. He didn’t even try to comfort you or calm you down. Too tired and exhausted, never mind the slight emotional drain to make a fuss, you dress in the T-shirt, searching for a pair of pants.

_ Good to know the asshole still has a sense of humor _ , you think to yourself when you can’t find any. So, you settle in the bed in your underwear and Loki’s shirt. Unlike the other times you’d worn his shirt, this wasn’t because of affection, but him doing the bare minimum.

The smell of his shirt comforts you slightly, but not like it did before. You roll over to the side, gripping and holding onto one of the pillows as tears fall down your cheeks once more. Sleep welcomes you into the abyss of darkness rather quickly.

Sounds coming from across the hall wake you up. It sounds like someone is screaming. You jump out of bed and run to the source of the noise, ignoring the slight throb in your ankle as you push open the door to Loki’s room, ready for attack. 

Searching around the room, you see only shadows of furniture before your eyes settle on the bed.

“ _ No, please. Stop.” _

You see Loki on the bed, thrashing in his sleep. He’s having a nightmare, you recognize. You take quiet, small steps over to him. You can see his body in the pale moonlight soaked in a gleam of sweat, his bedsheets in a tangled mess.

_ “I’ll do anything, just make it stop.” _

You kneel next to the bed, gently grabbing his hand and beginning to stroke his arm. His skin is cold to the touch. You begin whispering to him. “It’s okay. Loki. It’s just a dream.” 

You're nervous to touch him during a nightmare, worried he may lash out at you but instead, his eyes open and his brows furrow when he sees your face close to his. His arms wrap around you and pull your body onto the bed, drawing you close to him with a firm grip.

You whisper to him again. “It’s okay. I’m here.” 

A tear slips down your face. A part of you was vicious and wanted to see him in pain, but even after only a mere couple of seconds of thinking those intrusive thoughts, guilt racks you. You were supposed to try and fix things between the two of you. You were frustrated with his actions—frustrated with his silence. On top of all that, now you were frustrated that you found yourself at his side again, willing to risk anything and everything for him.

After some time, his sobs stop, and his breathing is steady. You try to pull yourself out of his grasp, but his arms grip you firmer. His voice sounds... broken. “Stay.”

So you do exactly that. You stay. And it’s then you realize the truth of his words. You weren’t the only one with nightmares. Your hands rake through Loki’s hair, watching his face as he sleeps.

That gaping hole you felt in your chest before he arrived, over the last few days, it started to mend. When your eyes take in his damp brow, and your hands twirl the tendrils that spill across his face, it feels like things could be okay.

**\------**

You feel the absence of a mass of body heat when you wake up. You open your eyes, patting the bed. The sheets are still warm, meaning Loki hasn’t been gone very long. You sit up in the bed, searching around the room.

You hear the shower running down the hall. For a moment, you think of slipping out and leaving when you have the chance but ultimately decide you can’t continue ignoring Loki forever and await his return. 

And you wait. And wait. The minutes pass, and your resolve is starting to fade. The idea that things could be different last night proved that. He needed you just as much as you needed him. 

Your hand rests on the door handle, and slowly you turn it. Steam welcomes you, but the usual sounds of someone in the shower are noticeably absent. You pull off Loki’s shirt and slide your panties down your legs. Ready to strip yourself bare, both soul and body, but when you pull back the curtain, your heart breaks at sight, and a gasp escapes your lips.

Loki is standing in the shower, his face turned down and the water hitting his back. He watches the water run past his feet, streaming down toward the drain. But instead of alabaster skin, his skin is blue. His skin radiates coolness, the air making you shiver.

Your brain racks through memories, trying to find one of him like this. But you can’t find one—only pictures in books about the kingdom of Jotunheim and stories of the frost giants. 

“I don’t remember this.”

“You didn’t know…  _ this _ is who I am.”

His eyes finally meet yours. Instead of their usual harrowing blue, they’re crimson, like blood. 

“I am the monster that parents tell their children about at night.”

You reach out a hand, trying to touch him. As you approach, the air around you becomes colder, causing you to shiver. He flinches away from your touch, his guard up.

“You’re not… not to me.” You open up the bond you share with him.  _ “I’m here.”  _

Your eyes rake over his body, lines of points. Fascination overwhelms you; even in his giant form, he’s beautiful to you. “Can I touch you?” 

“Not when I’m like this.”

“Okay.” You pause, still feeling his hesitation. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No.”

“Then what  _ do  _ you want?” You ask him pointedly.

Loki furrows his brow at you, trying to decide his answer. His form shifts back to the human appearance, his eyes returning to their gorgeous misty blue.

Deciding to stay silent, you grab the soap from the shelf, applying a generous amount to your palms. Your hand reaches for his, pulling him away from the stream and closer to you. You hold his hand, looking up to him. 

“Is this okay?”

He nods his head, allowing you to continue. His gaze is set on you, watching your every movement. You keep your mind open, allowing him to read you if he pushes. But he doesn’t push. He just watches you intently.

You stand up, brushing the debris left behind from the grass off your pants. The chill from the breeze had begun to settle in, and the dropping temperature made you shiver. 

Walking back, you see movement in the sky. Sudden dread settles into your bones. Your gaze narrows—your voice gets stuck in your throat, a scream unable to raise up, it can’t get past the welling of panic rising in you. You sprint off, running away. You don’t know what you’re running from, but your flight or fight response has kicked in. Usually, you would’ve fought, but your instincts tell you to run. To hide.

You make it to the village, but your foot gets stuck in debris on the ground, and you find yourself falling. Shooting pain in your ankle causes you to cry out and clutch it, tears beginning to fall from your eyes from the pain. 

A dark, tall, and looming figure casts a shadow over you, and your panic settles in full force. You calm your breathing, trying to remember your lessons with Heimdall, but it's too late; hands circle around your waist and under your knees. Lifting you up.

That’s when you smell it—pine and leather. You huff out between sobs, “Loki?”

He hums, and sudden relief washes over you. You bury your face into his neck, letting your arms circle around him. Though the fear you harbored is quickly draining from you, tears betray you and continue to fall.

Loki carries you the rest of the way to the home. When he enters, he sets you on the bed. You finally open your eyes, noticing it’s not the room you stayed in with Loki, but rather the room where you were initially supposed to be staying.

Loki is silent as he settles onto the floor, his eyes not meeting yours. You watch him, studying the way he moves delicate and gentle.

He holds your ankle, pulling up your pant leg to examine it. He takes off your shoe and then, in turn, your sock, surveying the damage. When he turns it a particular way, you wince at the pain that shoots up your leg.

“That hurts.”

Loki’s brows are furrowed in a careful concentration. He begins circling his hands around your ankle, glittering green mist swirling and lacing through the bone—mending and repairing it, of course. Your eyes scrunch together at the pain; it’s nothing like the other times he’s done this, helping superficial pain. This was painful.

You bite down on your lip, trying to distract yourself. “Someone was following me.”

Loki continues his movements, his sudden silence alarming you. Eventually, the glittering mist stops, and just like that, your ankle looks perfectly fine. But when you twist it around, there’s a very slight trace of pain. You look down at Loki, raising your brows.

“Thank you.” You say in a small voice.

Loki stands, towering over you. “You should stay here. It’s late, and your ankle needs some time to heal on its own. I don’t want to interfere too much with your body’s natural healing abilities, but it should be fine by morning.”

Loki walks out of the room and across the hall before you can even open your mouth to protest. When he returns, you’re staring down at your hands; they hadn’t even moved to grab him or gesture to otherwise halt his departure. He tosses you a set of his clothes and leaves, shutting the door behind him.

Hot and cold. Why was everything always that way with him? You weren’t expecting a joyous reunion or anything, but you were chased and injured, and he barely spoke to you. He didn’t even try to comfort you or calm you down. Too tired and exhausted, never mind the slight emotional drain to make a fuss, you dress in the T-shirt, searching for a pair of pants.

_ Good to know the asshole still has a sense of humor _ , you think to yourself when you can’t find any. So, you settle in the bed in your underwear and Loki’s shirt. Unlike the other times you’d worn his shirt, this wasn’t because of affection, but him doing the bare minimum.

The smell of his shirt comforts you slightly, but not like it did before. You roll over to the side, gripping and holding onto one of the pillows as tears fall down your cheeks once more. Sleep welcomes you into the abyss of darkness rather quickly.

Sounds coming from across the hall wake you up. It sounds like someone is screaming. You jump out of bed and run to the source of the noise, ignoring the slight throb in your ankle as you push open the door to Loki’s room, ready for attack. 

Searching around the room, you see only shadows of furniture before your eyes settle on the bed.

“ _ No, please. Stop.” _

You see Loki on the bed, thrashing in his sleep. He’s having a nightmare, you recognize. You take quiet, small steps over to him. You can see his body in the pale moonlight soaked in a gleam of sweat, his bedsheets in a tangled mess.

_ “I’ll do anything, just make it stop.” _

You kneel next to the bed, gently grabbing his hand and beginning to stroke his arm. His skin is cold to the touch. You begin whispering to him. “It’s okay. Loki. It’s just a dream.” 

You're nervous to touch him during a nightmare, worried he may lash out at you but instead, his eyes open and his brows furrow when he sees your face close to his. His arms wrap around you and pull your body onto the bed, drawing you close to him with a firm grip.

You whisper to him again. “It’s okay. I’m here.” 

A tear slips down your face. A part of you was vicious and wanted to see him in pain, but even after only a mere couple of seconds of thinking those intrusive thoughts, guilt racks you. You were supposed to try and fix things between the two of you. You were frustrated with his actions—frustrated with his silence. On top of all that, now you were frustrated that you found yourself at his side again, willing to risk anything and everything for him.

After some time, his sobs stop, and his breathing is steady. You try to pull yourself out of his grasp, but his arms grip you firmer. His voice sounds... broken. “Stay.”

So you do exactly that. You stay. And it’s then you realize the truth of his words. You weren’t the only one with nightmares. Your hands rake through Loki’s hair, watching his face as he sleeps.

That gaping hole you felt in your chest before he arrived, over the last few days, it started to mend. When your eyes take in his damp brow, and your hands twirl the tendrils that spill across his face, it feels like things could be okay.

**\------**

You feel the absence of a mass of body heat when you wake up. You open your eyes, patting the bed. The sheets are still warm, meaning Loki hasn’t been gone very long. You sit up in the bed, searching around the room.

You hear the shower running down the hall. For a moment, you think of slipping out and leaving when you have the chance but ultimately decide you can’t continue ignoring Loki forever and await his return. 

And you wait. And wait. The minutes pass, and your resolve is starting to fade. The idea that things could be different last night proved that. He needed you just as much as you needed him. 

Your hand rests on the door handle, and slowly you turn it. Steam welcomes you, but the usual sounds of someone in the shower are noticeably absent. You pull off Loki’s shirt and slide your panties down your legs. Ready to strip yourself bare, both soul and body, but when you pull back the curtain, your heart breaks at sight, and a gasp escapes your lips.

Loki is standing in the shower, his face turned down and the water hitting his back. He watches the water run past his feet, streaming down toward the drain. But instead of alabaster skin, his skin is blue. His skin radiates coolness, the air making you shiver.

Your brain racks through memories, trying to find one of him like this. But you can’t find one—only pictures in books about the kingdom of Jotunheim and stories of the frost giants. 

“I don’t remember this.”

“You didn’t know…  _ this _ is who I am.”

His eyes finally meet yours. Instead of their usual harrowing blue, they’re crimson, like blood. 

“I am the monster that parents tell their children about at night.”

You reach out a hand, trying to touch him. As you approach, the air around you becomes colder, causing you to shiver. He flinches away from your touch, his guard up.

“You’re not… not to me.” You open up the bond you share with him.  _ “I’m here.”  _

Your eyes rake over his body, lines of points. Fascination overwhelms you; even in his giant form, he’s beautiful to you. “Can I touch you?” 

“Not when I’m like this.”

“Okay.” You pause, still feeling his hesitation. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No.”

“Then what  _ do  _ you want?” You ask him pointedly.

Loki furrows his brow at you, trying to decide his answer. His form shifts back to the human appearance, his eyes returning to their gorgeous misty blue.

Deciding to stay silent, you grab the soap from the shelf, applying a generous amount to your palms. Your hand reaches for his, pulling him away from the stream and closer to you. You hold his hand, looking up to him. 

“Is this okay?”

He nods his head, allowing you to continue. His gaze is set on you, watching your every movement. You keep your mind open, allowing him to read you if he pushes. But he doesn’t push. He just watches you intently.

You bring your now sudsy hands up his arm, across his pale chest, connecting to his other arm. Your eyes focus on his sculpted body, his scars. His hand comes to rest on the small of your back, bringing you closer to him. You stop your movements, eyes reaching up to meet him.

“I wasn’t done.” 

His eyes search yours, trying to calculate his words. He can sense that your mind is open to him, but he doesn’t want to accept the invite, not when so many things have been left unsaid.

“I just want you.” 

His hand comes up to touch your cheek. Holding you in place, his forehead resting against yours. His lips so close to yours, it takes everything in you not to close that distance. To feel his affection.

“Then why do you push me away? You told me I don’t have to push you away… so shouldn’t that apply to you as well?”

Loki closes his eyes, letting his own mental shields down.  _ “I’m sorry _ . _ ” _

You speak openly, finally revealing the truth of your thoughts from the last few days spent without him. “I am scared… of who I might become when I’m with you.”

He nods his head again. He holds you in his arms, bare, as his head rests atop yours now. He brings your head into his chest, letting you bask in the closeness for the moment. 

Tears begin flowing down your cheeks, your resolve starting to crumble in his embrace. “I don’t want to lose you… but I can’t lose them either. Don’t make me choose.”

He doesn’t know how to tell you he understands, but he wants to try to. The days spent apart from you made him feel alone, once again. For a century, he was able to bury his heartache, but it only took a week of you being back in his life—and then walking away—for it to return.

His hand comes up, wiping away your tears. He pulls you back and dips his head low. Lips finally connect to yours. Oh, how you’ve missed those lips. 

This kiss is slow and gentle; neither one of you willing to pull back to break the spell. But eventually, Loki pulls back, leaving you longing for more. He turns the shower off and turns back to you. His pupils are dilated as his eyes roam over your body. 

Under his gaze, you genuinely feel like a goddess. He steps closer to you, bringing you back into his center of gravity. He kisses you harder this time, all of the passion and pent up frustration from the last few days meeting in the middle. Meeting where his lips meet yours. His hands roam your body, drawing wetness between your thighs.

You let out a soft whimper as his kisses begin trailing a path down your neck. Leaving behind bites that will surely bruise. You pant, “Loki.”

He growls into your ear, picking you up and stepping out of the shower. He carries you across the hall, his attention split between walking and lavishing on your neck, your jaw, ears, collarbones, whatever skin he can find on his path is given attention to. Meanwhile, you’re melting and basking in bliss when he gently lays you across the bed.

Your bodies are both still wet from the shower. That, coupled with the cool air, gives you goosebumps, your body humming as he continues kissing a path along your collarbone and down your torso.

You let out another whine as his mouth sucks on your nipple. Your breathing is heavy and erratic as he switches between your breasts, alternating between delicate and harsh love bites.

At this point, you’re not above begging. Your core is aching to be relieved, to feel his touch. “Please, Loki.”

He pauses his mission of worshipping every part of your body to look up at you. His blue eyes catching yours. “Tell me. What do you need, love?”

You gasp as he goes further down, licking a stripe on your inner thighs. He bites the skin gently, causing you to mewl and squirm, trying to get him where you need him. 

“Use your words,” he says to you in a husky voice. He switches to the other thigh, laying kisses across that. Carefully avoiding your throbbing cunt.

When he licks a path up to your thigh. You know he can taste you after he lets out a growl himself. You're so slick with need and want that your wetness is dripping.

You finally let the words out, barely above a whisper. “I need you. I want you,  _ please.” _

He relents, finally licking a stripe across your slit. You are keen to his touch, moaning as his tongue ravishes your dripping pussy. Whimpers escape your mouth as he feasts on your cunt, vision blurring as the pleasure builds.

He sends a soft vibration of humming delight into your body as he sucks on your clit. “Please, Loki. Please,” you beg for release.

He uses his fingers, entering your core, as he pumps one into you. His attention to every detail of your body is astounding. Your hands find his hair, keeping him in place. His wet inky locks tangled in your fingers.

He hums again against your clit, and you’re done for. Your body vibrates and squirms under him. Your legs shake as he continues to lap at your pussy. Expletives leave your mouth, leaving you panting as you chant his name over and over. Your body is pulsing and thrumming with heat and pleasure.

He’s relentless, adding a second finger as he continues to lavish your clit. It careens you into another orgasm—or one incredibly long one, but your fingers are pulling on his hair as you beg him. Moaning his name, back arching.

“Please, I need you.”

You’re not just saying this out of desire because, after the last few hours, you mean it. You need him in your life, just as he needs you in his. These acts mean more than words can ever describe. He kisses his way up your body. His mouth meets yours as he pumps his fingers in and out of you.

You taste yourself in his mouth as your lips meet. Opening your mouth, letting his tongue dive in and lick across your lips, teeth, and tongue. Your body hums with delight and desire.

He pulls his fingers out, taking hold of his long cock. Lining up the tip to your entrance, he pushes in slowly. Making you feel the drag of his shaft enter you. Every inch makes you gasp into his mouth. Your eyes open as his mouth pulls away. You find him staring down at your conjoined bodies.

“Look at you.” You look down, seeing where his body meets yours, his hips pumping his length in and out of your aching pussy. 

“You’re mine. Tell me.”

And the sight makes you moan. Your arousal is the highest it may have ever been. Your hands grab his face, bringing it close enough to look him in the eyes. He pumps a harsh thrust, causing your mouth to open and your eyes roll back. But you force your attention back into his blue eyes. His hands roaming your body, squeezing the flesh.

Looking at him in the eyes, you moan. “I’m yours.” He bites his lip before diving back into your mouth as his thrust speeds up. “Who’s?”

Your mouth draws away from his. “I’m yours, Loki.”

He grabs your hip and hooks it around his waist, the new angle causing him to hit deeper into you. His thrusts speed up, and you pant into his mouth. His hips gyrate into yours a little bit with each thrust, stretching your pussy around his cock.

His hands grip so firmly on your body, you're bound to have bruises later, but you don’t care. You just want him. You need him. Moans between the two of you fill the room, the smell of sweat and sex wafting through the air.

After several particularly harsh thrusts, you’re already close to another orgasm. All you need is a few swipes across your clitoris, and you’ll be careening into the abyss. You can tell by Loki’s pace as well that he’s just as close. 

His hand leaves your hip after you let out a series of moans, begging him to touch you. Your fingers now rake down his back, nails leaving marks on his skin. He swipes once across your clit, twice, and the third sends you hurtling over the edge. Your body shakes as he pumps himself into you, carrying himself into his own release. Tears prick at your eyes as the pleasure becomes nearly unbearable, your face tingles, your body like a rag doll in his hold as he finishes with a loud moan. 

When he pulls out, the sudden loss of fullness causes you to gasp at the sensitivity and soreness between your legs. A blissful smile spreads across your face as you feel his warm seed seeping out of you. Instead of a towel like before, Loki lazily snaps his fingers with a smirk, adding coolness to your swollen pussy. 

Your body shakes slightly when he pulls your ragged body halfway on top of him, your head tucked under his chin, his arms tightly curled around you.

The puzzle pieces of your souls may have been frayed and bent, but they still fit together.

You’re not sure how much time had passed, but you and Loki end up falling asleep, wrapped in each other’s embrace. 

**\------**

You spent the rest of that day around Loki, rarely leaving the bed. You couldn’t deny the physical chemistry between you two was astounding. Considering you both neglected the mission meeting, it didn’t take long for Thor and the others to put two and two together. 

The next morning, you stood in the kitchen, Loki’s hands on your hips as you stood there in his shirt, pouring a cup of coffee. He leans over, nuzzling into your neck, leaving a trail of kisses. He hadn’t stopped doting on you since you made up, but there was still a nagging part in your brain that wanted an answer—his dreams. 

Loki had mentioned to you before that you weren’t the only one suffering from nightmares. You were trying to put the pieces together yourself, but you were struggling trying to find the connection between his past and his demons.

Loki bends down to whisper in your ear. “You’re overthinking.”

You turn around, letting his hands resume their place on your hips. You look up at him, searching his eyes. His familiar smirk had played on his lips, but it fell shortly after you raised your brows. 

“I’m thinking about you.”

He walks out of the kitchen, striding over to the living room area and taking a seat on the couch. HIs guard going up immediately, he places his head in his hands.

You follow, standing in front of him. Even though you stood less than a foot away, you could still feel the distance he was putting between you—unspoken but undeniable.

You speak quietly, “your nightmare… it wasn’t about me.”

“No...” He pauses, still looking down, “it wasn’t.”

You try to walk him through what you want to know. Trying to comfort him, “You mentioned nightmares though… before... when you told me I wasn’t the only one with them?”

Loki’s breath catches in his throat. He’s never been good at this. Sharing his emotions with someone else, being vulnerable. It’s a weakness he doesn’t want to have. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

You try not to be frustrated with him. “Loki, you can’t push me away.”

“I’m not pushing you away,” his eyes come back to yours. “I’m protecting you.”

“That’s not how this relationship works. You don’t get to keep me in the dark and then claim you’re protecting me.”

Loki looks at you, his eyes telling a thousand words. He looks back down. His voice barely above a whisper. “Thanos.”

You remain silent, waiting for him to continue. 

“Sigyn, if I tell you this, you have to promise you can’t tell anyone else. Thor doesn’t even know.”

His eyes now searching yours for understanding, you nod your head, biting the inside of your cheek.

“He sent me to take over Midgard in 2012. Tortured and manipulated me…”

You take his face in your hands, knowing that he probably won’t explain anything else right now. “Loki, I’m sorry.”

“I can’t-”

Loki pulls your body into him, resting his face on your stomach. Your hands fall to his head, your fingers running through it, reassuring him. Spending enough time around Sam made you recognize the signs of PTSD. Sam was better equipped to handle this than you were, but you decided to try for him. For Loki.

You let him hold on to you, whispering words of assurance and affection to him. Your heart breaks for him. 

**\------**

Later that day, you held hands with Loki as you walked over to Thor’s. It was unspoken between the two of you that you wouldn’t bring it up again… his breakdown, the vulnerability he showed you.

Thor beams at you from the far end of the table, grinning from ear to ear. He’s like the biggest cheerleader of your relationship with his brother, maybe your only cheerleader at this point.

The meeting starts, Thor explaining that he found some texts in the library that might be useful as events similar to what is currently happening to seem to have occurred over a thousand years ago. 

Your voice speaks up for the first time during the meeting. “How do we find the Steven guy?”

Thor shrugs, feeling frustrated. “Mother said he would find us… so I guess we wait.”

**\------**

The next day you returned to the library; Loki and you hand in hand, searching through books. From across the room, you noticed a strange man watching you. You’ve seen him following the pair of you from room to room. You nudge Loki in the side, directing his attention to the man.

The man smiles and walks over to you. You furrow your brows, taking in his appearance as he approaches. He’s got a square jaw and dark brown wavy hair. His eyes are like honey whiskey, and a cheeky smile gleams across his face.

He reaches a hand out to you, “The name is Marc, Marc Spector.”


	16. XVI: Who Are You?

Born and raised in Chicago, Marc Spector has been called many names. He’s a boxer, a former marine, and he’s hard and ruthless. His smile was bright, but his future and past darker.

He was hired as a mercenary years ago. That’s how he found himself on the brink of death, at the hands of betrayal and the mercy of gods under the full moon.

Lying there, in the desert, someone picked up his body. His soul was drifting off into the void, his heart beating slowly. His limp body was laid across the temple floor, before a statue. And his heart stopped beating.

A voice spoke, words were exchanged, a deal made. A white cloak was taken from the altar. But now the contract has been broken, a punishment is given, and darkness looms across Earth. Its reach envelopes everything it touches, bringing back the dead on a path of destruction and vengeance.

**\------**

_The man smiles and walks over to you. You furrow your brows, taking in his appearance as he approaches. He’s got a square jaw and dark brown wavy hair. His eyes are like honey whiskey, and a cheeky smile gleams across his face._

_He reaches a hand out to you, “The name is Marc, Marc Spector.”_

You take the man’s hand, his handshake firmly gripping your hand. 

“Hi, I’m-” Loki cuts you off. “Why are you following us?”

The man's crooked smile is pointed to you when he speaks. “Can’t help it. I see a pretty face, **I** want to lend a hand.”

“She doesn’t need your hands. She’s got mine, thank you very much,” Loki snarls.

You shove an elbow into Loki's side for being so lewd to a stranger while giving him a glare that says ‘play nice.’

Marc can’t help but chuckle at the exchange, “Last I checked, there’s nothing wrong with being a good samaritan, so I’m still going to be helpful.”

“We don’t need your help.” “And why would you help us?” You and Loki speak at the same time, voicing your suspicion together but in much different tones. 

Spector shrugs. “Let’s call it a hunch. This place has been kind of weird lately. The air feels… drier, and it takes about two brain cells to realize something wrong is happening that we cannot see. _That_ , plus you meddling kids seem to be the only ones with any kind of motivation, makes me believe you feel it too, and you’re trying to solve it.”

Loki glares at the mystery man, and your mouth hangs ever so slightly agape.

 _‘There’s something off about this man,’_ Loki mentally signals to you.

_'No shit, Sherlock.'_

_'Well, if I'm Sherlock, then you're going to be my Watson.'_

_'Wait, you know Arthur Conan Doyle?'_

_'Of course, I know Sir Arthur. We were rivals of sorts. He wrote a character called Moriarity based on me. Never got around to reading the books, though.'_

During this complete tangent of a conversation, you and Loki have just been staring at Marc, and he begins to shift in his feet and grow increasingly uncomfortable.

“Well, uh, if I need to earn your trust,” the strange man pulls a book from the shelves in front of you. “Maybe this will convince you. Someone told me you are looking for this.”

You hesitantly grab the book from his hands, turning it overlooking its worn and ancient binding. The leather peeling and the pages turned yellow, ink smudged on individual pages.

You turn back to the cover of the book. “The Worlds of Gods and Monsters,” you say under your breath. The author of the book has been scratched out and not written in the opening pages.

Loki sends you a mental message, panic etched in his voice. ‘ _Does he know who I am?’_

_‘I thought you were using a glamour to hide?’_

_‘It’s not a full one, just one that suppresses my presence to go unnoticed by most. They’ll see me, but my presence is altered to not be recognizable.’_

You glance at Loki. ‘ _You look the same to me.’_

_‘Because I’m not using it on you.’_

To Marc, the silent conversation between the two of you just looks like you’re having an intense conversation with the inanimate object in your hands. He speaks up. “You both realize you have to open the book to read the pages, right?”

You nod your head at the man, turning through the pages. It stops on a drawing that looks vaguely like you, but your main features aren’t exactly accurate to your annoyance. Meanwhile, Loki is staring daggers at the man until you lean into him to get his attention. 

When he reads the line about you going to the palace searching for a husband, he laughs. You look up at him, a frown evident on your face. “Well, that’s a load of bullshit.” 

“Well, she did end up with one.”

“No, you-” You cut yourself off, realizing Marc has no idea who the two of you are. “He never proposed. He left instead, and she died trying to save his ass.”

You hand the book back to the man after closing it, irritation swirling in your gut. “It’s wrong.”

The man raises a brow at you, biting his lower lip in frustration. You elaborate. “Not that I’m an expert on mythology, but Sigyn wasn’t looking for a husband when she went to the Allfather. She wanted a teacher. Also, the drawing of her is incorrect.” 

“I’m pretty sure that’s just an artist’s interpretation. How can that be incorrect?” Marc ponders. You could feel it. He knows you’re hiding something. His curiosity was winning over his usual demeanor.

“She may not have been looking for a husband, but having two of the three princes vying for her leads one to believe that was her intention. She just wanted power like the rest of them. A pretty face can take a woman pretty far, even in mythology.”

You’re starting to take offense, and it takes a lot of strain on you not to bite back at the infuriating man. “Well, I’m telling you it wasn’t her intention. How do you know so much about her anyway?”

“I never said I knew about her.” He shrugs at you, almost like he’s baiting you to trip up, “but it doesn’t take a historian to know that the gods and goddesses in Norse Mythology were selfish, power-hungry, and cruel to their people.”

Loki looks like a powder keg about to explode; you can feel his anger radiating off him. His hand twitching beside you, closing his fist and then reopening it. 

Marc’s gaze settles on Loki when he notices Loki’s hand clench and unclenches in frustration. “They also wrote that Loki fucked a horse.” 

_‘You never told me you fucked a horse.’_ You try not to snort as the mental message passes your mind into Loki’s.

He is quick to respond. “I-He didn’t do that. The man was a shapeshifter.”

“True, but he still saw that horse’s ass and was horny enough to tap that.”

You suppress another laugh, this one a bit playful but still cold with annoyance. “With what I know about Loki’s sexual prowess, I can’t say I’m surprised.”

You reach a hand out to Loki. He lets your fingers interlace with his as you stare at him affectionately. Marc’s voice draws you from your thoughts.

“I’d hate to be his wife, Sigyn, I believe her name was? Like, imagine being married to the guy who fucked a horse and was like 90% of the reason shit went wrong in Norse mythology.”

“That’s another common misconception actually, Mr. Spector. He and Sigyn were never wed.” You maintain your resolve for now, but that last comment stung much worse than you were expecting. You squeeze Loki’s hand.

His gaze flicks to Loki, a knowing smirk on his lips as his eyes flick up and down; they stare for a second longer at your interlocked fingers. “Well, I could see why she wouldn’t want to marry him.”

The tipping point was finally reached. The last comment sends both you and Loki over the edge, but Loki had more control over his powers and emotions enough for them to not shine through. 

You, however, are a ticking time bomb. Your emotions betray you as your eyes turn to a sudden glowing gold. Loki’s hand pulls you back as you advance on the man, murderous rage evident in your movement. 

He turns your body toward him, eventually having to grip your chin in his hand to focus your attention on him. Blue eyes stare into yours, “breath.”

Without taking your eyes off Loki, you take a deep breath. Your voice comes out venomous as you turn back to Marc. “She died before he had the chance. She died trying to save him.” 

Spector remained stone-faced at the display of emotions and power from you. Your eyes give away your unnatural abilities. He smirks, “And I thought I would have to tail you guys longer to figure that out.”

Loki summons a dagger, shoving the man against the shelf. His knife is pressed against the man’s throat. “Tell me why I shouldn’t just gut you right here like the filthy mortal that you are?”

During this entire exchange, Marc Spector didn’t so much as wince. His face remained blank save for the small smirk and his body language was casual but very clearly on guard for any further movements.

He stares back at Loki, “If you kill me now, you won’t be able to save her. ” His gaze flicks to you at the last word.

You step closer to the pair, eyes fixed on the man, a knife still up to his throat. “Why do I need to be saved?”

“Tell me. How are your dreams?”

The vision from a few days ago creeps back into your mind with the foreboding and dark voice, the chill and panic that ran up your spine when you stared at the moon. You turn to Marc, then back to Loki.

“Let him go.”

Loki stares at you over his shoulder, his dagger still pressed against the man’s neck. The slightest shift would cause it to slit his throat. Loki stares back at the man, bearing his teeth before releasing him.

Marc smiles at you. “Thank you, beautiful.”

One glance at Loki, and you can see his jaw tightening, his knuckles turn white from the grip on the dagger. 

“Well, you two want to tell me your names, or should I just assume that my suspicion is correct?”

 _Don’t tell him._ Loki’s mental warning is already too late as you open your mouth. “You’re correct.”

 _‘You’re too trusting.’_ Loki sends a mental warning to you again.

_‘Would you rather have him as an enemy or an ally? He knows what's happening. He said he wanted to help.’_

Loki looks at Marc then back at you. “We could just kill him.” Loki twirls the dagger in his hand.

You shake your head at Loki, “that’s not what we do.”

He smiles at you, but you can sense that he isn’t exactly genuine. “I’m obviously kidding… unless you want me to do it?”

_‘We should take him with us. He might know about the Grant guy.’_

Loki responds to you verbally. “Kidnapping? I like your style, love.”

“We aren’t kidnapping him. If he doesn’t want to come, he doesn’t have to.”

Marc interrupts your conversation with Loki, “to New Asgard, right?”

You turn to Loki, giving him a pointed look before you turn back to Marc. “Ally or enemy?”

He smiles at you, giving you a flirtatious wink that makes Loki cringe next to you. “Whatever you want, sweet cheeks.”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms. “You do know who I am, right?”

“You’re the living and breathing embodiment of victory.”

You get close to his face, your voice low and threatening. “Then you should know it wasn’t my pretty face that gave me that title.” 

Marc nods at you, then to Loki; he steps to the side and begins walking past the both of you toward the entrance. He looks over his shoulder, “well, are we going?”

**\------**

The three of you make your way to the truck; you jump into the driver’s seat, Loki in the front passenger seat. Leaving Marc the back. As you start the engine, Loki turns to him, frowning before he waves his hands.

Ropes bind around Spector’s hands, rendering them immobile in his lap. He groans in annoyance at the action. “Was this necessary?”

You look behind to see him. You turn back to Loki. “Release him.”

“No. I don’t trust him.” Loki’s voice is stern and unwavering.

“Do you trust me?”

Loki doesn’t verbally respond to you, his mouth pressed in a thin line. ‘ _Of course, I trust you. I just don’t like him.’_ His voice dances around in your head.

You sigh. ‘ _You don’t like anyone.’_

 _‘I like you,’_ he replies.

You see his wide grin out of the corner of your eye as you begin pulling out of the lot.

_‘I would think so… we don’t have another choice. He’s the only one who’s made even the slightest progress; he knows more than he’s letting on.’_

“They keep doing that.” Marc is staring at the empty seat next to him. 

Your eyes glance up in the rearview mirror to watch Marc as he continues mumbling to himself. You get an idea and concentrate on your breathing. 

Loki notices you shift, and his voice bounces in your head again. _What are you doing?_ You block him out. 

You let your energy throw from your lungs down to your shoulders. It travels to the tips of your fingers with gold light reaching out to the man in the back seat. The bindings finally fall free.

You smile when you check the mirror to see that he’s rubbing his wrists freely now.

Loki stares at you, then at Marc, finally landing back on you. “I can’t believe you’ve done this.” 

**\------**

When you arrive back to the small seaside village, Spector in tow, Thor immediately greets the man with a smile. Welcoming him to the team, he keeps calling the ‘Revengers.’ 

When you asked Loki about the name, he shook his head at you, dismissing the question with, “we disbanded.”

Thor ushers the three of you inside his cottage. You’re sitting in the living room, your legs are thrown on the couch, watching as Marc takes the lounger and Loki looks at the empty seat next to Thor.

Loki looks at you, smiling as he walks over to you, lifting your legs and tossing them on the floor before he takes the now void space next to you. 

“So, now that the introductions are out of the way. Did you find anything at the Library?”

“No, just this infuriating man.” Loki glares daggers at Marc from across the room.

You speak up. “We found an old book; it was stupid, though. Full of inaccuracies.”

“Do you have the book with you?” Thor asks.

“Um, no. We aren’t Norweigan citizens. We can’t take anything from the library.” You shake your head as you speak.

Loki clears his throat, reaching into the side of his jacket, where he pulls out the leather-bound book.

“I can’t believe you stole the book.” You scoot closer to Loki, a look of admonishment plastered across your face.

“Are you seriously surprised, my love?” He smiles at you.

You raise a brow at him. “Now that I think about it, no.”

Loki holds the book out to you, a knowing grin on his face. You huff in frustration as you take the book from him and walk over to Thor. You ask, “you said your mother had been reaching out to you in your dreams?”

Thor nods his head. “Yes, but it was just the one time.”

“Still… can you look through here and see if anything sticks out?”

You take a seat back on the couch, sitting a tad closer to Loki. He chuckles as he leans into you to whisper, “why are you giving it to him?”

You glare daggers at the tall raven-haired man. You smile as you shoot a message to him, silently toying with him. ‘ _You're losing your edge, Silvertongue. Get better jokes.’_

You watch as Thor flips through the book. You had glanced over it in the library, but you didn’t particularly like the way the book described you. You weren’t some manipulative woman who played the damsel in distress to get what you wanted.

It made you out to be some gold-digging power-hungry woman seeking to be the next queen of Asgard. Switching between the princes of Asgard like some game of horny hot potato. The real story wasn’t even close to what the book described, at least where you were involved.

“Who’s Baldur?” Thor asks.

Your mouth hangs in shock as Thor looks up at you.

You see the look of concentration in Thor’s eyes as he rereads the passage, the one explaining how he, in fact, was not to be the ruler of Asgard. The throne was supposed to be passed to his brother, Baldur.

“This isn’t true. The competition was always between Loki and me. It’s a work of fiction.”

You furrow your brows. “No, Thor. That’s-”

Loki chuckles, “brother, I find it amusing you think of me as competition. We both know Odin always wanted you on the throne after Baldur’s death.”

Thor only shakes his head. “You said it was full of inaccuracies; I’m guessing this is one of those inaccuracies.”

You look at Thor in disbelief. “No. That part of the book is accurate. Well, its depiction of me is downright insulting when it comes to my relationship with Baldur-“

“Your memories might be befuddled with lies and embellishments of Norse Mythology; we never had another brother.”

Your jaw drops at Thor’s words. “Are you just going to forget that your asshole of a brother was not only in love with me but also tried to kill me when I chose Loki?”

“The only asshole of a brother I have ever had that is in love with you is sitting next to you, Sigyn.”

Marc watches the heated discussion between the three of you, quietly mumbling words to himself that no one catches. He finally speaks loud enough for you to hear. “The blond one must be the other god he told me about before punishing me. Curious, he never mentioned the girl. He always said she was dead.”

You turn to the curly-haired man eying him with suspicion. Your gaze settles on Loki, whose brows are so heavily furrowed you think he may become permanent if he thinks any harder. 

“It’s happening.” You whisper to yourself. 

Loki looks up at you, then to Thor. His hand reaches out to you, almost like he needs to know you’re real and not some figment of his imagination.

 _“You’re too late little Sigyn. It’s already started. He will fall, just as they all will.”_ The voice taunts you, even when you can’t actually hear it. Just thinking of the words sends a shiver down your spine.

You look at Loki, your eyes pleading and your anxiety rising. Wordlessly, he communicates with you. Squeezing your hand that he holds in his own. _‘What’s wrong?’_

You shake your head at him before you turn back to Marc. 

“Marc, can you give us a moment, please?”

He stands, walking to the door. “I should get going anyway; it’s getting dark out. Don’t wanna be caught outside on a full moon now, do we?”

His eyes never leave yours at the statement. It’s not a question, rather a warning. You nod your head at him, but before he goes, you run after him handing him your phone from your pocket. He looks at your outstretched hand and the device before taking it from you. 

“I still have questions for you… I hope you don’t mind?”

His grin settles on his face. “How can I say no to a pretty face?”

He pauses, the phone still in hand. “You were right. You’re much prettier than the drawing.” He hands the device back to you, his contact now saved. Before he dismisses himself, he whispers low enough only you can hear. “It’s not too late.”

Without another word, he walks out the door. When you turn back around, Loki’s face is twisted in a jealous rage. You roll your eyes at him, sending him a warning to not test you at the moment. 

With Marc no longer lingering, you can give your full attention to Thor’s sudden memory loss. Before you can turn your assiduity to Thor, you address the green monster in the room.

“Loki.” You wait for him to turn his gaze to you. “Loki, look at me.”

His eyes dart over to you, his brows are drawn in a line, and his lips thinned out, jaw clenched and arms tensed across his chest. 

You sigh and roll your eyes, already knowing you’ll be having a private conversation with the trickster later.

“Thor, can you seriously not remember your own brother?”

Thor looks at you, raising his eyebrows. “Of course I remember him. He’s right there.” He gestures to Loki, who is still frowning.

“The other one, you oaf.” Loki finally breaks his silent brooding. You nod at Loki, thankful that he can still remember. You settle your eyes back on Thor, “Baldur.”

“Baldur?” He repeats the name on his tongue, rolling it around. “Son of a bitch! The red-head!”

Your chest heaves in relief. Your worry still lingers, though. 

You didn’t know what precisely the gods falling meant; this may just be the first warning. But why hadn’t Loki been affected? Why not you? 

When you look over at Thor, you can see the worry on his face as well. Your heart clenches that you really aren’t any closer to revealing answers. You hope you can trust Marc. He may be the key to finding this Steven Grant. 

“Thor, ask Stark to do a background check on Spector.”

You walk over to Loki, standing between his legs as he’s still seated on the couch. You cross your arms over your chest. 

“Up.” 

He raises his eyebrows at you, still sitting. 

_‘If you don’t want to find out whether your brother is indeed a voyeur, stand up.’_ You send him the mental message, a smile on your face as you bat your eyelashes. 

Loki remains planted, a daring smirk on his face. You roll your eyes at him. Looking over your shoulder, you notice Thor staring off into the distance. 

“Maybe I should text Marc to come back then.”

You shield your mind from Loki, knowing he’ll try to read you. A satisfied smirk on your face when he pushes. 

You know you wouldn’t text him for anything outside help with the blithe plaguing Norway currently, but Loki doesn’t know that. Your heart is wholly committed to Loki, and as irritating as Loki’s jealousy is, you can’t help but be aroused by his possessiveness over you. 

You send a mental image to Loki; although it started as a certain raven-haired god between your thighs, you switch the image as it crosses his mind to the brunet with short curly hair. 

You pull out your phone, not looking at Loki as you begin to walk to the front door. Just as you expected, Loki is taking fast strides to follow you.

Thor shouts at the two of you as you begin exiting the house. “Where are you going?”

“To teach your asshole of a brother a lesson.”

With you and Loki finally out of the atmosphere, the air shifts. A game begins. You walk quickly, with hurried steps to the house-- thankful it was a few doors down. Loki hot in your trail behind you, his face darkened, and pupils dilated as he watches you take your strides into the house.

You don’t turn around to face him; instead, you take your shoes off by the door and begin pulling off your clothes piece by piece as you walk to the bedroom. It’s not until you’re left bare in nothing but your underwear that you turn around. 

And not to your surprise, Loki is bare as well. You smile, giving him a wink before finally entering the bedroom.

Loki watches you, clearly on edge and holding back from pinning you against every surface he passed while watching your very entertaining show you’re putting on for him.

In a lustful daze, you turn over your shoulder, your hands dipping into the side string of your panties as you slowly drag them down your legs, revealing yourself utterly nude before him. He smiles at you, taking a quick stride to remove his own under bearings. 

Your cunt is already dripping for him just by his close presence to him, especially when your eyes catch his blue orbs. 

He stalks over to you, your bodies inches apart-- still not touching. You lean your head back when his hand trails up your side, his nails lightly scratching at your arm. It reaches your shoulder before he wraps his arm around the back of your neck and draws you close to him.

You moan into his mouth when it descends upon your lips, his tongue requesting entrance. You oblige. Fervent kisses, a whimper escapes you when his teeth begin trailing a path across your jaw. Lingering over the spot under the ear when his touch becomes impossibly light. His heated breath hits your neck, sending a cascade of shivers and goosebumps down your body. Your head is thrown back, eyes shut and relishing in the bliss of his touch.

He hums against your ear, whispering darkly. “Show me my lesson.”

A moan escapes you from his words, your core aching to be filled. His hand brings your neck up to look at him, your eyes opening. He peers down at you. “Show me,” his voice is low and demanding.

Without another demand, you drop to your knees in front of him, your gaze looks up as you bat your eyelashes, humming in adoration at the god before you. His cock sprung free, waiting for your touch.

You bring your hands up to his thighs, lightly running your nails across the marble skin. He hisses when your mouth hangs open, letting the tip rest on your tongue.

“Look at me.”

Your eyes meet his, and you have to stop yourself from smiling with him in your mouth. You inch down on him, never breaking contact, your hands gripping his thighs.

The gag slightly when his tip hits the back of your throat, you inch off and hollow your cheeks. When you swallow around him and your mouth tightens, a loud moan escapes him.

Your hand comes up, gripping the base of his cock as you pull your face away and back down, letting him slide in and out of your mouth at a languid pace. A few bobs later and Loki is breathing heavily, his hands tangled in your hair as you continue sucking on his length.

An idea strikes your mind, and you hum in delight at the fresh arousal dripping from your pussy at the thought. You pull off him, wiping your hand across your mouth at the drool. You sit back, your hands in your lap, as you look up at him. His mouth parts slightly, before he can ask, you speak.

“This is your lesson, not mine.”

Loki smiles down at you, his grin stretching wide. You go to stand, his hands finding yours assisting in standing. His head tilts to the side, in questioning curiosity.

“Get on the bed.”

Loki hesitates, not used to letting you have control in the bedroom. When you put your hands on your hips and stare at him with a shit-eating grin, he slowly walks to the bed. 

He sits at the edge. You shake your head. “Sit by the headboard.”

He huffs in sexual frustration, but even he is fascinated by your sudden commanding presence, and he wants to be a good student for you. The power you hold over him is like none other. You could snap your fingers, and he would be at your beck and call, completely and utterly helpless to your mercy.

You climb onto the bed, crawling toward him so you can straddle him. His length slides through your folds as you grind against him. His hands come up, gripping your hips in an attempt to have some control. You lean forward, pressing your lips to his. He kisses you back, his grip on your hips tighten as you still and pour your emotions into the kiss.

You bring your hips up, letting his tip catch on your clit before you rub back down. He moans into your mouth at the sweet friction. You take your hand, lining him up as you slowly sink down him.

Once his cock is entirely in you, and the ache of being filled is satisfied, you whisper against his lips. “Lesson number one, you’re mine.” 

You bring your hips up and down, letting him fill your core with each bounce. Alternating between a mix of grinds and bounces, your hands on his chest, his eyes look down. Watching as his cock fills your dripping center, taking him fully with each bounce.

He’s in a trance, listening to you moan and watching your body. Your breasts bounce as he brings a hand from your hips to them-- massaging your nipples.

The sound of skin slapping skin fills the room; your chest drops down when he hits your sweet spot. Pounding it and stroking it with his tip.

Your body begins to tingle, your face feeling warm and fuzzy, his abs start to rub at your clit. It gives you the stimulation you need as your orgasm draws near, hurtling to the edge.

You dive into the abyss of bliss, feeling his cock stroke your velvet walls as they flutter and clench around him, making him moan as you bite his shoulder, your hands gripping the sheets next to him.

You struggle for words as you come down from your orgasm, letting him take control of the thrusts. He pounds into you at a fast pace. Your head falls to the crook of his neck, your body going slack against him as he thrusts mercilessly into you. You bring yourself up slightly to whisper in his ear. “Lesson number two, I’m yours.”

Loki cums, keeping your hips down on him, his dick filling you up as you grind out onto him. When he stills, you raise your hips, letting him reenter you when you come back down, relishing in the feeling of his cock inside you as it softens.

You roll over, already mourning the loss of his cock inside you. You keep your legs entangled in the mess of the sheets and with his legs. Your eyes droop close. Your body is worn and tired.

Loki’s arms draw you closer, wanting to feel your touch. You bring his face close to yours, kissing him gently on the lips. When you pull back, you speak. “What did you learn?”

He smiles at you, kissing you again and humming against your lips as his hands trail small paths of lines and circles across your body. “That you’re mine.”

You hum in agreement. Your eyes opening to look into the misty blue you’ve grown to love. You smile. “What else?”

He kisses each of your cheeks before finally meeting your lips again. “And I’m yours.”

Your hands come up to his face, sliding back into his inky locks. Your fingers rake through them, gently massaging his scalp. He leans into your touch. Your voice is quiet when it comes out. “Promise me something?”

He hums his eyes open as your hands come down to cup his face bringing his lips to yours. You brush your lips against him, whispering against his lips. 

“Don’t forget me.”


	17. XVII: Drinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a reminder: marc spector is played by oscar Isaac. (which is officially CANON)

Standing in the kitchen, you find the handle of the coffee pot. You pour two cups, one for yourself and one for Loki. While you fix up your cup, you turn to the sulking raven-haired god perched at the dining room table. 

“How do you like your coffee?”

“That stuff is disgusting.” 

Your mouth hangs open. Appalled by the insult and taking it personally. You begin walking over to the table, taking a seat next to him. Bringing the mug up to your lips for a sip, you set it back down, looking up at Loki. “I need to get Marc alone.”

“Absolutely not.” He shakes his head.

“I’m not asking for permission.” You ignore the glare Loki is currently giving you. “I ask him to coffee, and he opens up to me about what he knows. I think he’s the key to finding Steven Grant.”

“No. You will not go alone.”

“It’s just coffee, Loki, and he does not like you.” 

He groans, his eyes set on you in frustration. “It’s never  _ just _ coffee with men like him. He’s trying to sleep with you.”

“He doesn’t. I’m going to call him.”

You grab your phone from the table, dialing Marc’s number. “I’m putting him on speaker, so do  _ not _ say anything.”

He nods his head. After a few rings, Marc’s voice is heard. “Hey, there, sweet cheeks.” 

“Good morning.” You cheerfully respond.

Loki raises his eyebrows at you. You roll your eyes in response. 

“Are you free in a little bit? I thought we could get coffee. You seem to know quite a bit, and I was hoping I could pick your brain.”

“How about the bar? It’s one over by the library **,** say 9?”

_ ‘That sounds like a date.’  _ Loki’s voice dances in your head.

“Well, the sooner, the better, so the coffee shop would be better.”

“Yeah, but loose lips when alcohol is involved.”

Loki furrows his brows, his expression growing stormy. ‘ _ Loose lips?’ _

“It’ll be harder to listen in on a conversation if we choose the coffee shop. bars are bound to be busy this evening since it’s the weekend.”

“Time of day won’t change anything. We’re all in danger whether the sun or moon is up.”

“So you agree the coffee shop is fine?” 

“The bar is better. It’s more secluded. It’s a shithole. We are guaranteed  _ privacy, _ especially with locked doors.”

_ ‘He wants you to himself.’  _ Loki’s voice rings in your head.

_ ‘That’s literally the whole point of me going alone.’  _ You respond to him.

Silence over the phone, Marc speaks up. “You still there, sweet cheeks?”

You think about the implication. His tone rings genuine and interested, but his message is clear. Trying to think logically, a bar isn’t the first place you would choose to talk about the end of the war-- but neither is a coffee shop. From what you know about the man in the short amount of time, he’s a strategist and is almost always several steps ahead. He’s a master at mind games, it would seem.

You finally respond. “Fine. Text me the location of the bar. See you at 9.”

He flirts, “Wear something sexy.” With that, he hangs up.

Before you can even fully process or plan, Loki is already speaking. “He’s going to try and get you drunk, so he can sleep with you.”

You roll your eyes. “Not everyone wants to sleep with me, Loki.”

“He does,” Loki retorts.

“ _ No, _ he doesn’t.”

“He took control of that conversation, and you handed yourself to him on a silver platter.”

You smirk at him, taking another sip of your coffee. “I let him.”

He shakes his head again, bringing his hand to pinch between his brows. “Why?” 

“For someone with your intelligence, I would think you’d see it by now.”

You get up from your spot, planting yourself onto Loki’s lap. His hands immediately fall to your waist, bringing you closer.

“They say the eyes are the window to the soul. And with you…” Your hand strokes along his jaw. “Your eyes always betray you. You look at me as if I’m the center of your universe. I think I’ve spent enough time with you in this life and my memories of my past— _ our _ past to know. You may be the God of Lies, but you’ve never been adept at lying to me. I can see it in your eyes. You love me.”

He pulls back slightly, his mouth opens and closes. You smile, bringing his lips to yours in a gentle kiss.

“You don’t have to say it, Loki. I’m just making an observation.”

“And what’s your observation about Spector?”

You look away for a moment, thinking. “Marc is… his eyes seem vacant. Even when his tone renders sincerity, his eyes— they're cold. He pretends to make decisions based on his emotions, but he doesn't. He's actually quite logical.”

“And you’ve observed all of this from a phone call?” Loki inquires.

“He’s trying to control us. but if he ends up helping us in that process… and it wasn’t just the phone call, it was at the library as well.”

Loki smiles at you, kissing you again. He whispers across your lips. “Thus, the expert in battle moves the enemy and is not moved by him.” 

As much as you would love to spend the rest of your morning in Loki’s lap, you have another phone call you need to make. So you reluctantly pull yourself from his lap and walk into the bedroom, your phone in hand. You dial Sam. He picks up after the second ring.

“Did you check the military databases like I asked?”

“Yes, but you’re not going to like what I found.”

“Lay it on me, Sammy.”

“Marines. But his most noteworthy attributes: Special Operations as a  _ third _ party.”

“So he’s a hired mercenary?” You inquire while pacing the length of the small bedroom.

“ _ Was _ a hired mercenary. Spector went MIA in action on a raid in Egypt several years ago. He was presumed dead.”

You were already able to narrow down that the blight was associated with the Egyptian gods. Suspicious about Marc’s connection to Egypt for sure now. But how did Marc fit into this puzzle exactly? “Egypt? Do you have any details on that mission?”

“Nope. It’s all a bunch of black lines. It’s all been redacted.” Sam responds, almost defeatedly.

“Everything? Is he still presumed dead?”

Sam responds. “Yes and no. But the rest of the people that were on that raid. They all ended up missing a few months later.”

You sigh into the phone. “Have you been able to track down Bucky at all?”

“No. Steve is going crazy here. T’challa’s memory is almost completely wiped too. Shuri has been trying to slow down the regression, but there’s only so much she can do.”

“Thor lost his memory too. We are missing  _ something _ . I’m meeting with Spector in a little bit; I’ll keep you in the loop.”

“Stay safe, Starshine.”

**\------**

Nine in the afternoon approaches the crescent moon in the sky. You take a deep breath walking into the bar **.** Your eyes take in the place. To the entry’s right, a high bar is placed, along with the walls, drawings and paintings of Norweigan landscape are framed—rows of liquor line the shelves behind the bar. There are very few patrons in the bar; a couple seems to be closing out their tab.

Your eyes follow to the table in the corner, the furthest from the door. Marc sits, nursing an old fashioned and his long wavy locks are littered with gray hairs. 

You walk over, sitting across from him. The barkeep comes around, bringing you a gin and tonic. You raise your brow at Marc. 

“Lucky guess.” He smiles at you. Silence passes between you, neither making the first move.

After the couple leaves, Marc raises his hand to the barkeep once again. The barkeep walks over to the door, locking it and turning around the open sign. You raise a brow, again, at Marc from across the table.

“Like I said,  _ privacy _ .” Now that you’re more aware of his demeanor, you notice his wink falls short because of the coldness in his eyes. 

Hoping to lay a firm foundation with Spector, you decide to keep the hostility low, leading with a more logical argument. 

“Where are you from, Marc?”

He takes a drink. “Chicago, you’re from-?” His voice raises a pitch at the end.

“Small town in the Midwest. But you already knew that.” You smile while taking a sip.

He smiles at you, half his mouth quirking up higher than the other. “If you’re from the Midwest, how are you…” He looks you up and down, pointing at you.

“Reincarnation. I died here 100 years ago, so I was reborn here.”

He nods his head, the gears turning in his mind. A small black rat scurries between the stools over by the bar tops.

“Marines?”

“You did your research. Air Force?”

You nod your head. You decide to cut the small talk, a foundation being laid.

“So, you’re more involved in all of this than you’re letting on. Before we formally met, you knew that we were gods but decided to play coy about getting the flat truth out of us. You started to work with us. We want to know how you’re involved because our people are in danger along with the rest of the world. With what else you might know, you can help us save millions of lives.”

Marc looks up and thinks, “Why are you so quick to ask for my help?” he responds in a flat antagonistic matter.

You wince, the question and the way it was asked seemed so out of the left field to you, “Ask? Last I checked, you revealed yourself to us first, and I’m quick about it because time is of the essence, frankly.” You catch yourself realizing it goes back to the Sun Tzu tactics ‘The whole secret lies in confusing the enemy so that he cannot fathom our real intent’.

You take a moment to regain yourself before going back to the conversation. You prepare a mental attack, “what did you lose?”

It’s Marc’s turn to visibly look shocked or confused, “What?”

“Well, you already look like a lost puppy trying to find mommy, I’d offer you a leash, but Loki likes to save that for special occasions. But I’m sure we can find who owns you, lil’ pup.” You say with a sly tone, a ghost of a smile dancing across your lips.

Marc’s hair overcasts his eyes, and for a moment, he looks enraged, but similar to you before, he composes himself, “No one owns me, no one... “ he pauses then smirks, “but I can’t say the same for you.”

You furrow your brows. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, again, I’m no expert on mythology, but how’re your gang’s memories holding up?” He smiles at you, his hands interlaced, elbows on the table as he leans forward.

Your rage and anxiety begin to boil again, “why do you care?”

“Well, there are some things that are almost certainly facts in Norse mythology that don’t require interpretation, and it seems strange for Thor of all people to forget about his own bloodline, wouldn’t you say? And I feel like things are only going to get worse from here if things are as dire as you think?”

Your hands begin to shake, “What do you mean ‘as dire as I think?’ of course, things are dangerous right now. The world is at stake; just look at Wakanda.”

Marc smirks, “oh, I keep up with the news... a lot of political unrest in Wakanda right now, but nothing that’s breaking down society as we know it. Mythologies are only as powerful as those who believe in them. The world could forget about you and all that wouldn’t change a thing.”

You can’t help it, you burst out, “Of course things would change! Things are already in motion to change! Wakanda is just the beginning, their leadership is toppling, and everything they hold dear in their culture is disappearing in the blink of an eye. This will happen everywhere around the world until eventually the Egyptians establish their new world under their rule. So don’t you even dare say that this isn’t dangerous for anyone besides me.”

Marc leans back in his chair, a smirk on his face, “interesting that you bring up only yourself even though I was referring to all the Nordic gods. On top of that, you can tell your literal rat of a boyfriend to stop eavesdropping and go back to patrolling the bar.” 

On queue, a rat that was hiding behind a chair against the wall flees as Marc returns to you, “I already suspected you’d bring back up to this private conversation, but you opened the talk with ‘we’ so I knew someone else was here and it had to be Loki since he’s the only one who’d be able to hide in plain sight in a place like this.”

He continues, “Finally, I now fully know the stakes of the problem thanks to your outbursts and the emotional weight you carry with it. And above all else, you had all the evidence to realize I don’t need your help while you need mine, and you still just put up the ‘the world is in danger’ in a desperate act to reach for my empathy rather than go on the attack to destroy the ideals I hold or switch any kind of attack on to me. You almost had me with the leash bit though, I gotta say that was clever.”

You are dumbfounded, but you realize that you lost this fight. Scorning yourself for being played like a damn fiddle, “Just tell me what you want. Cut the bullshit or get out of my sight.” You huff, leaning back in your chair.

“What I want is to help you, but only until I get what I seek, then you’re back on your own.”

“And what is it that you’re looking for.”

“I’ll give you this. I did lose something. Something I need was taken from me, and I need to get it back, but I can’t do it alone. I’ll help you; however, you need me to. I was going to do that from the beginning.”

“Then why do all this? You could’ve told me that in a text, for gods’ sake.”

“I wanted to see what kind of person you were. The war ahead of us is gonna take a mental toll on you and everyone around you. Your personality, your feelings, your memories are all gonna be under attack, and I need to see that you have the strength to make it through.”

“Well? Am I strong enough, Spector?” You say with pure poison. If words could kill, Marc Spector would’ve been skewered.

“I think you have strong morals and willpower like no one else, but you’re volatile. You have the capabilities of getting it under control, but you have yet to master your own emotions.” Marc gets ready to leave, “I encourage you to get back home and rest up. The journey ahead is gonna be tumultuous, and you have a lot to think on.”

Marc leaves you there alone. 

Loki emerges from the back. He takes the seat next to you, downing the rest of your drink. He looks over to you, the gears turning in his head. Both of your gazes fall to the chair Marc vacated. The moonlight shines through a window onto his empty seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WRITERS BLOCK IS OVER I JUST OUTLINED THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! ITS GONNA GET INTENSE!!! SO EXCITED TO INTRODUCE ANOTHER CHARACTER


	18. XVIII: The Cab Driver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Jake Lockley is played by… Oscar Isaac. TW: graphic sexual content, violence, and blood. There are some slang terms used as well.
> 
> Spinna’: Jersey slang for a hot young woman.
> 
> Cabbie: taxi/cab driver
> 
> New Yawk: New York

You and Loki sit on the soft white rug in the living space; the small flames in the fireplace cast a warm glow on the room. With your back to Loki’s chest as he leans against the sofa, his hands wrap around you, bringing you closer to him. You listen intently as Loki tells a story when he tricked an Anubis into teaching him soul magic.

“So, they actually use a feather and a heart to weigh the burdens on one’s soul?” You ask.

Loki nuzzles a kiss to your temple. “The key to soul magic is making sure to not damage it when extracting the soul. If the soul is left inside the body, then darker forces will use that soul to do terrible deeds.”

You chuckle, “spooky. And tell me again how you were able to trick them.”

Loki’s laugh echoes in the small room. His arms around you send a comforting warmth through your body. “I merely glamoured my form. I am fortunate that Anubises are not cruel, or I surely would’ve left there without my soul.”

“What a shame that would be.” You tell him as your fingers trace along his arms. You turn your head to catch his lips with yours, letting yourself melt into the embrace.

As the kiss deepens, you turn around so that your hands can come up and hold his face to your own. Loki takes the opportunity to pull you into his lap as your knees straddle his hips. A familiar warmth spreads across your skin and pools into your core as you begin softly grinding into his growing bulge.

You hum into the kiss as his fingers trace your body, and he brings a hand up to your breast. You lean into the touch, letting the waves of lust overwhelm your body. Loki breaks the kiss as he leaves a hot trail of bites and kisses along the side of your throat.

He hums into your ear, “lay back, darling.”

You readily follow his command, laying across the white rug on your back. Loki crawls toward your body as his hands search for your pants, dragging them slowly down your body. He leaves a trail of kisses on this path down until your lower half is entirely bare for him.

Loki comes back up, his raven-colored locks brushing against the apex of your thighs as his hands knead your flesh. He hums contently as he buries his nose between your legs, inhaling your arousal like a drug.

A moan pours from your lips as his mouth licks a stripe from your entrance and circles around your clit. He wastes no time with teasing as he slowly and expertly devours you. Licking up your arousal between your thighs and laying opened mouth ministrations with his tongue into your pussy. Moans and begging fill the air as your hands find his hair, pulling him closer to you. You ride his face until desire threatens to overwhelm you, a building sensation of tingling warmth spreads until you peak, your legs shaking and closing around his head as he continues to lick you.

Finally, he releases you, leaving a panting mess. He looks up between your legs, grinning like the devil. He crawls his way up to you, kissing you on the mouth, the mix of sin and your slick on his tongue.

You smile into this kiss, your heart bursts with joy in his embrace.

**———**

After a relaxing morning with Loki, you find yourself at the bar from the previous night. You spot the brunet across the room, a burst of rambunctious laughter falls from his lips where he sits on a barstool. You approach the man, who apparently hasn’t seen you yet.

“Marc?” You inquire.

The man doesn’t turn around. Marc seems content to ignore you. You try once more, only to be ignored again. With a huff of breath, you stride forward, tapping him on the shoulder. He spins around; his chocolate eyes roam your form up and down before a crooked grin spreads across his face. His beard is grown out a bit, forming a five o’clock shadow across his face.

“What can I do for you, Spinna’?” Marc asks in a heavy Jersey accent.

Your head tilts sideways, bewildered. “It’s me? Sigyn?”

Marc leans on his elbows against the bar top. “I don’t know you, dollface, but I guess I can get to know you.”

You take a step back in confusion. The first time you brought Marc back to New Asgard, Thor had a memory lapse. Is the blithe threatening the world now affecting Marc too? Your thoughts are plagued by questions, and the further into your feelings you descend, the more worrisome you feel.

Finally, you ask the dreaded question. “Do you not remember me, Marc?”

“Why d’ya keep calling me Marc? The name is Jake, Jake Lockley!” He extends his hand to you.

You stare at his hand, perplexed. Tentatively you grab his hand, he shakes it in response.

You stare at him in silence as he orders another drink. “Do you really think you should be drinking? It’s like one in the afternoon.” You reprimand him.

He smirks at you, “I’m on vacation. I deserve the break. Lemme tell ya’, I’ve been drivin’ all around the streets of New Yawk for half my life, and then I spent the other half as a cabbie. And I only realized that I’d about had it with some of these dumb brats who think they know me and my life just because they got some political degree. No amount of learning in some Ivy League will ever teach you how to survive the scum that lines the streets of Hell’s Kitchen or the Bronx, you feel? So, I’m giving myself a couple days off and just gonna drink some good old-fashioned liquid courage and find some comfort if ya know what I’m sayin’.” He finishes his long-winded rant with a chuckle.

You furrow your brows, taking a seat next to him. “I thought you were a mercenary?”

“Nope, ‘spent all my life in Jersey and New Yawk. I already told ya I ain’t never met you.” His Jersey accent is even more pronounced at this point.

Staring into the man’s eyes, the thought occurs to you. Whereas Marc’s eyes were always calm and calculating, if not sometimes hidden behind a mask, this ‘Jake’ is lively and talkative. There’s still a haunted look in his eyes, and the need you feel to put together this enigma that sits next to you is only growing. You turn away from him, staring at the shelves of liquor behind the bar. Biting the inside of your cheek, you finally decide you need someone to look into his mind.

If Marc is, in fact, having some form of memory loss, then you might be able to see how the blithe affects someone who isn’t a god. Perhaps, you’d be able to narrow down which Egyptian force is causing all of this terror globally.

Marc mentioned that he had lost something and that he needed it back. Maybe he has been losing his memory? Perhaps, you could help him get it back, and he could tell you who it is that’s giving you nightmares and stalking you at night. You carefully concoct a plan. Loki’s mind powers only extend so far, so you’ll be reaching out to Wanda when you’re able to.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve mistaken you for someone else.” You get up to leave to find Loki, but before you can make it a step away, the man begins an ardent quarrel with the barkeep. The two are in a heated dispute over payment for his drinks. You huff out a groan in frustration. Guess the plan is starting now.

You stop in your steps, turning around to the employee, and pull out your wallet. You lay money on the table and motion for the man to follow you. Once outside, you finally turn to him.

“Why don’t you have your wallet?” you ask.

“I only have this Spector guy’s wallet. Must’ve left it in my cab and took it here.” He pauses, looking around the city. “Where the hell is here anyway?”

Your suspicion finally confirmed, Marc must be suffering some form of memory loss. You wish you had Sam here; he was much better at psycho-analyzing people than you were. The thought of Sam reminds you that Bucky is still missing, and there’s been no trace of him. You’ve made the decision. You can’t let Marc escape you, so you’ll have to play your cards right to get this ‘Jake’ person to come with you and Loki. It took you days to establish trust with Marc, and even then, that trust was thin. You wonder how trustful this ‘Jake’ could be.

“We’re in Norway. Do you have somewhere you’re staying?” You ask him.

Jake looks around, his shoulders hunched. You notice his posture is entirely different from the first time you met Marc. Marc was calm and charming; he was still reserved and only let information slip when caught off guard-- which was still rare.

The man that stands before you seems loose-lipped and has a crude sense of humor **.** He shakes his head, “Nah, just got in today came straight here.”

“Come with me. My friend can help you,” you reply.

You and ‘Jake’ walk to the fountain that’s just outside of the Library. You take a seat and begin asking him questions. Sure enough, your intuition that ‘Jake’ likes to talk is accurate. And yes, he rarely stops talking. Whereas Marc always left you on edge, Jake was downright humorous. As slimy as he appeared to be, you couldn’t help but laugh at a few of his stories.

During one of ‘Jake’s’ long-winded rants about the “scum and bottom-feeders,” he drives around in New York, you stare at the doors of the library. Your knee bounces up and down, waiting for Loki. You had decided to split up while visiting the city. Loki would try and find books on Egyptian mythos while you were supposed to meet with Marc at the bar. In a turn of events, you met with ‘Jake’ instead.

“The best part about being a cabbie is no one ever expects you to be storing all this information they talk about on the phone. You get a front seat to the criminal underworld that runs New Yawk, and the idiots don’t even know it!” ‘Jake’ laughs.

You turn to him, raising an eyebrow. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “that’s why I always keep a crowbar in the glove box.”

Your mouth hangs agape when a clearing of a throat makes you jump up. Loki stands in front of you and ‘Jake.’

“Loki! Love! This is Jake!” You smile at your raven-haired god.

Loki looks between you and the brunet, frowning. You smile at him pleadingly. _‘Go along with it.’_

He nods at you in confirmation. _‘What’s going on?’_ He asks.

You shake your head at him. “Jake here is on vacation! And wouldn’t you know it, he has Marc’s wallet!”

 _‘I think he has memory-loss. We need to take him back with us.’_ You fill Loki in silently.

A charming smile rakes across Loki’s face as he extends his hand around your waist and pulls you close. “Darling, must we keep picking up strays?”

“Who you callin’ a stray?” ‘Jake’ interjects defensively as he rises to stand.

Loki forces a chuckle. “Well, that’s what you are? You need somewhere to stay, correct?”

‘Jake’ looks over Loki, and you see a small calculation of mistrust in his mind. “Loki? Huh, you ain’t got any relation to that fucker that reigned hellfire down on New Yawk?”

The lie slips easily past Loki’s lips. “Of course not; my parents were just _very_ into Norse mythology.”

‘Jake’ begins laughing. “I’d have to off myself if my folks ever named me after a horse-fucker.” He claps Loki on the shoulder.

Loki bristles slightly, but soon he joins in, even though you can tell it’s a forced chuckle. “If my love insists that you’re a lost man in need of finding, then we would readily take you in.”

Once you reach the truck, ‘Jake’ and Loki break out into an argument over who gets to sit in the front passenger seat.

“My legs are longer, and it’s _our_ truck. _You_ are a guest.” Loki shouts.

“I ain’t ever sit anywhere but the front, yo, and I ain’t gonna start today, ya know?!” ‘Jake’ rebuttals.

Finally, you yell, “stop acting like children and just get in the fucking truck!”

You give a pointed look at Loki, silently pleading with him. He huffs in frustration and climbs in the back seat. ‘Jake,’ with a smug smile, climbs into the seat next to you. You hear Loki mumbling about “this being absolute rubbish.”

An hour into the drive, you see a group of people on the road. It abruptly cuts off another one of ‘Jake’s’ rants. They’re mindlessly walking around the road. You slow down as you approach. Loki leans forward, his hand coming up to rest against your shoulder as the truck comes to a stop about 100 feet from them.

“What’s going on?” ‘Jake’ asks.

You lean back, looking over your shoulder at Loki, whose eyes are trained on the people in the road. You whisper to him to get his attention, but his eyes remain locked on them.

Finally, you turn back to the front, and your eyes catch one of the people’s. A breath escapes you as unshakable dread settles in your body. Their eyes are clouded and misted over in white. Their clothes are in tatters, and random soiled cloth wraps around several of their limbs. The one you made eye contact with begins advancing to the truck.

That sense of panic you felt from a few nights ago when you felt a shadow stalking you settles in once more. _Flee. Flee._ It chants in your head. Without a second thought, you throw the truck in reverse and step on the gas.

It would seem that fate is not on your side today. Another group of people with clouded eyes are already behind the truck. You look at Loki in panic. “We need to escape. They’re- I don’t know, but it isn’t good.”

Loki looks around at the people who are starting to swarm the truck. “We have to fight our way out.”

“Yo, will someone tell me what the fuck is goin’ on?!” ‘Jake’ shouts.

“There’s a crowbar in the bed of the truck. You’re welcome to stay in the truck or join us.” You look at him.

Before opening the door of the truck, Loki grabs your arm. A green shimmer forms over your body, leaving behind leathers of navy and gold, with green decorations. When you turn back to Loki, he’s once again in his own battle leathers.

“Yo! What the fuck just happened!?” ‘Jake’ shouts with a start, his hands outstretched and his back cowering toward the door as he looks at Loki. “You _are_ that bastard! And _you,”_ he turns to look at you, his mouth agape in shock, “you’re-”

Loki turns to the man, interrupting him. “Really? Will you shut the fuck up for once?!”

You groan, turning to ‘Jake’ once more. “Yes, I’m a fucking Avenger. Yes, this is _the_ Loki. And right now, if we don’t get out and fight, we will die. So, are you coming, or are you staying?”

“I didn’t sign up for this oogy-boogy shit! I’ll wait, right here, yo! _He_ always comes. _He_ will protect me.”

You don’t have time to mull over who this person ‘Jake’ speaks of is, so you and Loki both jump out of the truck, slamming the doors behind you. Loki summons a spear while you call daggers. He looks at you proudly at your new skill before he speaks. “I’ll take the front hoard; you take the back.”

At this point, the hoards are about 70 feet away on both sides, but you hesitate. “Loki, what if they’re alive? What if they’re innocents being controlled.”

He hesitates for only a moment. “We don’t have a choice. If we can capture one of them, do it.”

As you and Loki depart and begin the trek to take down the hoards of aggressors, ‘Jake’ watches through the windows.

“Come on, Moonie! You gotta help me out here!” ‘Jake’ tells himself.

His eyes look through the front window, watching you as a gold light shimmers around your form. He sees a hand draped in cloth, grab your shoulder and toss you to the ground where you somersault backward, ready to stand and fight again.

“She’s gonna get herself killed!” He leans forward. “Fuck this! Moonie, if you’re listening FUCK YOU!” He shouts into the air.

He opens the door, searching through the back of the truck before grabbing a crowbar. “Just like the good ole days.”

As you stand, another one is coming for you already, only for it to be knocked out. Its brain matter and blood spraying across the green grass. Behind the fallen creature, ‘Jake’ stands with the crowbar in his hand. His clothes are spotted in blood, and a crude smile adorns his face.

“Spinna’! It’s killed or be killed,” ‘Jake’ shouts.

You nod your head, staring at the lifeless body as a twinge of guilt overwhelms you.

Jake looks over behind the truck. He sees Loki twirling around his spear. The end of it slashes through the torsos of several aggressors. In a moment of safety, Loki turns to ‘Jake’ and you.

“Sigyn, aim to kill!” Loki shouts at you.

As ‘Jake’ moves on to the next target, you grit your teeth into a snarl, zeroing in on your prey. You dodge and slash through bodies, cutting throats, but none of them are falling. The blood pours from their throats, but they’re not stopping. There’s no hesitation from them as they grip your arms as you fly past. It’s only through pure force you’re able to keep them off of you.

One of them tackles you to the ground, its hands begin clawing at your face. You bring a dagger to its side, only it doesn’t even stop. Finally, you thrust your hips up, rolling it onto its back as you straddle it; you bring your knife up, stabbing it in the head. Its clouded eyes turn pitch black. The blood that pours from the wound is as cold as ice.

Several feet away, the crowbar slips from ‘Jake’s’ hand. The force of a push causes him to fall behind. He squats when he sees a rock; he picks it up, weighing it in his hand. He turns to one of the aggressors as it runs toward him. He smirks, “guess we doing’ it play-yard style.”

It gets within a foot before ‘Jake’ begins bashing its head in. He raises the hand with the rock, swinging it forward to strike the side of its face. Its jaw dislocates and hangs limply as it jabs a kick at ‘Jake.’

‘Jake’s’ hand is covered with the cold blood as he brings the rock down over its head. One strike, two strikes. He repeats the blunt trauma until he reaches brain matter, and they fall to the ground in a limp heat.

‘Jake’ pants heavily as his eyes look around for the lost crowbar. He spots it on the ground to his right and drops the rock as he picks up the bloodied and rusted crowbar.

Meanwhile, the hoard that Loki is fighting has started to merge with your own hoard. As if it was a natural instinct, you and Loki find each other and fight seamlessly together. You stand back to back as emerald magic travels through the air and renders several targets immobile. You throw your daggers straight through their heads, eliminating multiple threats at once.

When ‘Jake’ turns his attention back to the few remaining ones in his area, he sees one growling at him, determination set in its clouded eyes. The being moves as if it’s alive, but its eyes are unblinking, and the only noises it makes are mixes of growls and snarls.

The one staring at ‘Jake’ smiles, and it sends a sensation of icy dread straight down his spine. This humanoid creature is the biggest, standing over six feet nine and easily weighing over four hundred pounds. The other creatures seemed to have lost some of their muscle mass, while this one hasn’t lost an ounce.

‘Jake’ spins the weapon around, ready to fight as it starts to advance on him. “You want a piece of me? I’d like to see you fuckin’ try!” He shouts.

The taxi driver leans back into a fighting stance as the creature advances forward. ‘Jake’ swings the crowbar towards its head, only for it to duck just in time. The missed strike’s momentum sends ‘Jake’ ahead. He quickly uses the new position to his advantage as he lands a blow with his fist to the creature’s face. Cold blood drips from the wound as its hand reaches around ‘Jake’s’ throat pinning him in place.

‘Jake’ jabs the creature’s arm twice before striking him in the face with the crowbar, sending blood flying through the air. The creature spins him around. A crunch is heard as it effectively breaks ‘Jake’s’ nose with a punch to the face.

The brunet wobbles for a brief second before reorienting himself. ‘Jake’ kicks them in the abdomen with zero effectiveness. The creature darts for ‘Jake’s’ middle, the force causes him to drop the crowbar. The two tumble to the ground until the creature pins ‘Jake’ beneath him. It lands several blows to his face as ‘Jake’s’ hands search the grass for an object to use.

Finally, he finds another rock, larger than his hand. He brings the rock up and bashes it into the creature’s head. He grabs one of the stray clothes draped across the creature’s chest and holds it close as he continues banging its head in with the rock. Blood splatters onto Jake’s face as the creature falls limply on top of ‘Jake.’

‘Jake’ looks around, through his one eye that isn’t swollen, he can see you and Loki off to the side, taking on the remaining targets. With a strong push, he’s able to get the lifeless body off of him. He stands weakly for a second.

“You good over there?” He shouts.

You and Loki have the last three targets restrained with some type of magic that ‘Jake’ can see. He sees you point to one of them, and Loki nodding in response.

“The fuck are they doin’?” He starts to walk toward you.

Two out of the three fall to the ground, and the other hovers in the air around a shimmer of green before it falls. Ropes and binds circle the one that collapsed last as Loki and you approach ‘Jake,’ the body leads the pair a few feet ahead.

When ‘Jake’ is close enough to the creature, he sees its eyes are closed. “They sure are ugly mother fuckers,” he says while staring at its comatose form.

From this point of view, ‘Jake’ can see the creature clearly. When opened, its eyes would be a stark contrast to its skin, which appears to be leathery and glossy. Tattered white cloth wraps around its hands and limbs unkempt. It leaves holes and areas of gray skin exposed.

“What are we doing with this one?” He asks.

“Taking it with us. Sigyn, call Banner,” Loki delegates.

You nod in response, “I’m going to bring in Wanda on this too.”

“What about the bodies?” ‘Jake’ asks, “they’re human enough that a massacre like this will alert authorities.”

Almost as if the threat is spoken aloud as a warning, the fallen bodies begin to turn to ash.

Loki furrows his brows as he watches one of the creatures decay, leaving behind piles of black powder. “Mother nature will be taking care of it.” He summons a vial as he walks over to one of the stacks and deposits several samples into it.

You stare at ‘Jake’ thinking over the whole fight in your head. He took a severe beating with the last one. You don’t know how far your own healing abilities extend, but with the victory of a fight thrumming in your veins, you feel relatively confident.

“Loki, can you go ahead and get that _thing_ situated. I want to talk to Jake for a second.”

Loki looks between you and ‘Jake’ before nodding his head and walking to the truck, the creature leading the way in front.

“I assume you have questions?” you ask him.

“Fuck yeah! I do.” He answers enthusiastically.

You approach him and reach out for his hand. You turn it over in yours, assessing the damage. You take a moment to breathe, and when you open your eyes, the cuts on his knuckles are healed. You smile up at him.

“Right, answers. I can’t describe everything right here, so I just need you to answer one question.”

He nods his head, unusually silent for once.

“Do you trust me?”

Gaining Marc’s trust wasn’t easy, but the way ‘Jake’ fought with both you and Loki says a lot about this persona’s character.

“I trust you. I don’t know how I feel about your boyfriend, though. Why do you trust me?”

You shrug your shoulders as you reach for his face. ‘Jake’ almost seems startled by the touch. As the swelling retreats in his eye, you finally speak. “You saved me out there. That has to be worth something, right?”

As you and ‘Jake’ walk back to the truck, he begins a story of the time he saved a woman in his taxi. Granted, he ended up breaking her assailant’s knees with a bat; he seems proud to have saved her life, rightfully so. His casualness to brutality and the way he fought today confirms that he’s ruthless, but his cheerful demeanor and protectiveness over the downtrodden gives you a small inkling into dissecting the man that is Marc Spector.

Several hours later and night has fallen over New Asgard. The trio of you, Loki and ‘Jake’ have met up with Thor and Brunhilde as you await the arrival of Bruce and Wanda. 


End file.
